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A New Kind of Science

cybrpnk2 writes: "The story is one of epic proportions: Boy genius gets PhD from Cal Tech at age 20, is the youngest recipient ever of the MacArthur Foundation Genius Grant, writes the Mathematica simulation software used by millions of people, makes millions of dollars in the process, becomes enticed by the seductive lure of the Game of Life, and goes into a decade of seclusion to discover the secrets of the universe. You can catch up on the resulting speculation and hype here. The years of anticipation and publication delays came to an end Tuesday, May 14, 2002 with Stephan Wolfram's release of his opus, A New Kind of Science." Read on for cybrpnk2's review of Wolfram's much-heralded work. A New Kind Of Science author Stephen Wolfram pages 1197 (plus 62 page index) publisher Wolfram Media, Inc. rating 10 reviewer cybrpnk2 ISBN 1-57955-008-8 summary A long awaited treatise that cellular automations, not mathematics, holds the key to understanding reality

First things first - have I read this book? Hell, no, and if anybody else says THEY have in the next year, they're lying thru their teeth. This book is so dense that if Wolfram had added a single additional page, the whole thing would have imploded into a black hole. That's got to be the only reason he quit writing and finally went to press.

I've been waiting for years for ANKOS to come out. I ordered my copy Tuesday when it was released, got it on Thursday and I've been skimming it like mad since. To give you some idea of how engrossing this book is, I was reading it Friday morning at 4 AM in the bathroom of a Motel 6, curled up in a bedspread on the tile floor to keep from disturbing my wife and stepdaughter during a trip to my stepson's graduation. I've got four college degrees, one in math and two from MIT, and bottom line - this sucker's gonna take a while to digest. However, it's theoretically straightforward enough that anybody with a high enough level of obsession and a few years to stay glued to it can follow it in its entirety. In ANKOS, Wolfram certainly comes across as arrogantly cocky but in the final analysis is he a crank or a revolutionary genius? Who knows, but it's going to be a new nerd pastime for the next decade to argue that point.

ANKOS is 1250+ pages divided into 850 pages of breezy exposition followed by 350 pages of fine-print notes. The exposition is composed of 12 chapters and the notes have about a paragraph per page of topic- and name-dropping technobabble to let you know where to go next for more details on whichever of Wolfram's tangents strike your fancy. Topping the whole thing off is a 60+ page index with thousands of entries in even smaller typeface than the notes.

Despite its length, ANKOS is not a rigorous mathematical proof of anything as much as it is a superficial survey of a vast new intellectual landscape. And what a landscape Wolfram has laid before us. It's all about cellular automations, which have traditionally been relegated to the realm of mathematical recreations. Start with a black square in the center grid square (cell) on the top line of a sheet of graph paper. Think up a few rules about whether a square gets colored black or white on the next line down depending on the colors of its neighbors. Apply these rules to the squares on the next line of the sheet of graph paper. Repeat. Watch what happens. Sounds simple. It isn't.

The first short chapter outlines Wolfram's central thesis: That three hundred years of mathematics based on the equals sign have failed to provide true insight into various complex systems in nature, and that algorithms based on the DO loop can succeed in this endeavor where mathematics has failed. The reason, claims Wolfram, is that deceptively simple algorithms can produce heretofore undreamed of levels of complexity. He claims that while frontier intellectual efforts such as chaos theory, fractals, AI, cybernetics and so forth have hinted at this concept for years, his decade of isolation studying cellular automata has taken the idea of simple algorithms or rules embodying universal complexity to the level of a new paradigm.

The second chapter outlines what Wolfram calls his crucial experiment: the systematic analysis of the 256 simplest rule sets for the most basic cellular automatons. He discovers this "universe" of rules is sufficient to produce his four so-called "classes" of complex systems: order, self-similar nested patterns, structures and most importantly, true randomness. The first two lead to somewhat familiar checkerboard-type patterns and leaf-type fractals; the last two, unforeseen unique shapes and unpredictable sequences. Wolfram stresses that the ability of simple iterative algorithms to produce complex and unique non-fractal shapes as well as truly random sequences of output is in fact a revolutionary new discovery with subtle and profound implications.

The third chapter expands his initial 256-rule-set universe of simple algorithms with many others Wolfram has researched for years in the dead of night while others slept. Rule sets involving multiple colors beyond black-and-white, rule sets that update only one grid square instead of a whole row, rule sets that embody full-blown Turing machines, rule sets that substitute entire sets of patterned blocks into single grid cells, that tag end point grid squares with new patterns, that implement "registers" and "symbols" - Wolfram has examined them all in excruciating detail. And no matter how complex the rule set is he explores, it ends up generating still more and more unexpected complex behavior with many notable features as the rule sets are implemented. This ever-escalating spiral of complexity leads Wolfram to believe that cellular automatons are a viable alternative to mathematics in modeling - in fact, embodying - the inherent complexity of the natural world.

In chapter four, he begins this process, by linking cellular automatons to the natural world concept of numbers. Automatons that multiply and divide, that calculate prime numbers and generate universal constants like pi, that calculate square roots and even more complex numerical functions like partial differential equations - Wolfram details them all. Who needs conscious human minds like those of Pythagoras or Newton to laboriously work out over thousands of years the details of things like trigonometry or calculus? Set up dominos in just the right way, flip the first one and stand back - nature can do such calculations automatically, efficiently and mindlessly.

Chapter five broadens the natural scope of cellular automations from one-dimensional numbers to multi-dimensional entities. Simple X-Y Cartesian coordinates are left behind as Wolfram defines "networks" and "constraints" as the canvas on which updated cellular automatons flourish - always generating the ever-higher levels of complexity. More Turing machines and fractals such as snowflakes and biological cells forming organs spontaneously spring forth. So far we've seen some really neat sleight-of-hand that Martin Gardner or Michael Barnsley might have written. But we're only on page 200 of 850 with seven chapters to go, and Wolfram is just now getting warmed up.

Chapter six is where Wolfram begins to lay the foundation for what he believes is so special about his insights and discoveries. Instead of using rigid and fixed initial conditions as the starting points for the cellular automations he has described, he now explores what happens using random and unknown initial conditions in each of his previously defined four "classes" of systems. He finds that while previously explored checkerboard (Class 1) and fractal (Class 2) systems yield few surprises, his newly-discovered unique (Class 3) and random (Class 4) cellular automaton systems generate still higher levels of complexity and begin to exhibit behavior that can simulate any of the four classes - a telltale hint of universality. Furthermore, their behavior starts to be influenced by "attractors" that guide them to "structure" and self-organization.

With the scent of universality and self-organization in the air, Wolfram begins in chapter seven to compare and contrast his cellular automations to various real-world topics of interest. Billiards, taffy-making, Brownian motion, casino games, the three-body problem, pachinko machines - randomness is obviously a factor in all of these. Yet, Wolfram notes, while randomness is embedded in the initiation and influences the outcomes of each of these processes, none of them actually generate true randomness in the course of running the process itself. The cellular automations he has catalogued, particularly his beloved Rule 30, do. The realization that cellular automations can uniquely serve as an initiator or generator of true randomness is a crucial insight, leading to the difference between continuity and discreteness and ultimately to the origins of simple behaviors. How, you ask? Hey, Wolfram takes most of the chapter to lay it out in a manner that I'm still trying to follow: no way can I summarize it in a sentence or two.

By chapter eight, Wolfram believes he has laid out sufficient rationale for why you, me and everybody else should think cellular automations are indeed the mirror we should be looking in to find true reflections of the world around us. Forget the Navier-Stokes equations - if you want to understand fluid flow, you have to think of it as a cellular automation process. Ditto for crystal growth. Ditto for fracture mechanics. Ditto for Wall Street. Most definitely ditto for biological systems like leaf growth, seashell growth and pigmentation patterns. This is very convincing stuff - tables of Mathematica-generated cellular automation shapes side by side with the photos of corresponding leaves or seashells or pigment patterns found in nature. Yes, you've seen this before in all of the fractals textbooks. The difference between fractals and cellular automations: fractals are a way to mathematically catalog the points that make up the object while cellular automations are a way to actually physically create the object via a growth process. It's a somewhat subtle difference - and a key Wolfram point.

Having established some credibility for his ideas, Wolfram stretches that credibility to the limit in chapter nine, where he applies his cellular automation ideas to fundamental physics. It was practically inevitable he would do this - his first published paper as a teenager was on particle physics, and that's the field he got his PhD in from Cal Tech at age 20 before going on to write the Mathematica software program and make his millions as a young businessman. Despite his solid background in physics, this seems at first blush to be pretty speculative stuff. He shifts his focus on the cellular automations from randomness to reversibility, and describes several rule-sets that both lead to complexity and are reversible. This behavior is an apparent violation of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. From Wolfram's way of thinking, if the universe is indeed some kind of ongoing cellular automation, then it may well be reversible and the Second Law must not be the whole story, so there must be something more we have yet to learn about the nature of the universe itself. He continues extensive speculations on what this may be, and how space, time, gravity, relativity and quantum mechanics must all be manifestations of this underlying Universal Cellular Automation. The rule set for this ultimate automation, which Wolfram believes might ultimately be expressed as only a few lines of code in Mathematica, takes the place of a mathematically-defined unified field theory in Wolfram's world. This is mind-blowing stuff, but ultimately boils down to Wolfram's opinion. I have great difficulty in comprehending space and time and matter and energy as "mere" manifestations of some cellular automation - if so, what is left to be the "system" on which the automation itself is running? I'm reduced to one of Clarke's Laws: The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine ...

Wolfram shifts from Kubrick-style religion back to mere philosophy in chapter ten, where he explores how cellular automations are perceived by the human mind. Visual image perception, the human perception of complexity and randomness, cryptography, data compression, statistical analysis, and the nature of mathematics as a mental artifact are all explored. The chapter ends on a discussion of language and the mechanics of thinking itself. Wolfram reaches no real concrete conclusions on any of these, except that once again cellular automation is a revolutionary new tool to use in achieving new insights on all of these topics.

Chapter eleven jumps from the human mind to the machine mind by exploring not the nature of consciousness but the nature of computation instead. He goes here into somewhat deeper detail on ideas he has introduced earlier, about how cellular automations can perform mathematical calculations, emulate other computational systems, and act as universal Turing machines. He focuses on the implications of randomness in Class 4 systems and the universality embodied in systems like that of his Rule 110. His arguments lead up to a closing realization, what he does not call but may one day be named Wolfram's Law.

The final chapter, chapter twelve, discusses what all of Wolfram's years of isolation and work have led him to conclude. He calls it the Principle of Computational Equivalence. What follows is an unavoidably oversimplified distillation of Wolfram's thoughts on the PCE. If indeed cellular automations are somehow at the heart of the universe around us, then the human effort to reduce the universe to understandable models and formulas and simulations is ultimately doomed to failure. Because of the nature of cellular automation computation, there is no way to come up with a shortcut method that will deduce the final outcome of a system in advance of it actually running to completion. We can currently compute a rocket trajectory or a lens shape or a skyscraper framework in advance using mathematics merely because these are ridiculously simple human efforts. New technologies based not on mathematics but instead on cellular-automations like wind-tunnel simulators and nanobot devices will be exciting technological advances but will not lead to a fundamentally new understanding of nature. Issues that humans define as undecidability and intractability will always limit the level of understanding we will ultimately achieve, and will always have impacts on philosophical questions such as predestination and free will. To conclude with Wolfram's own final paragraph in the book:

"And indeed in the end the PCE encapsulates both the ultimate power and the ultimate weakness of science. For it implies that all the wonders of the universe can in effect be captured by simple rules, yet it shows that there can be no way to know all the consequences of these rules, except in effect just to watch and see how they unfold."

As noted above, 350+ pages of notes follow this exposition, and trust me, there's no way they can be summarized. To mention one nugget I found amusing as I envisioned Wolfram working towards endless dawns on ANKOS, he thinks sleep has no purpose except to allow removal of built-up brain wastes that cannot be removed while conscious. So much for dreaming.

So what is the bottom line on ANKOS? It is a towering piece of work and an enduring monument to what a focused and disciplined intellect can achieve. It is very thought provoking. It will definitely lead to new work and progress on cellular automation theory and some interesting technological applications we should all look forward to with anticipation. But is it the next Principia, the herald of a new scientific revolution?

Read and decide for yourself. Only time, and a lot of it, will tell.

To read it yourself, you can purchase A New Kind of Science at bn.com. You can read your own book reviews in this space by submitting your reviews after reading the book review guidelines.

9 of 496 comments (clear)

  1. froszt pist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    it was me.

  2. Feline Poop by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Fuck all of you motherfucking LambdaMOOers! Fuck you hard and fuck you well! That's right! Fuck y'all!

  3. New Science by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Does anybody know if NetBSD has been ported to this yet?

  4. Please: 420 Lewis !! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Give us a break. This story is a repeat of
    the earlier one:
    (the 420 Hemp Fest); Ann Arbor, MI (the Hash Bash); and
    Washington, D.C. (buildup towards the July 4th Smoke-In).

    Original Source(s)

    Conventional wisdom: The most common tale is that 420 is the
    police radio code or criminal code (and therefore the police call)
    in certain part(s) of California (e.g. in Los Angeles or San
    Francisco) for having spotted someone consuming cannabis
    publicly, i.e. pot smoking in progress; that local cannabis users
    picked up on the code and began celebrating the number temporally
    (esp. 4:20 a.m., 4:20 p.m., and April 20); that the number became
    nationally popularized in the late 1980s and, more ferverently, in
    the early- to mid-1990s; and is colloquially applied to a variety of
    relaxed and/or inspired contexts, including not only pot
    consumption but also a good time more generally (in contrast to
    the drug war surrounding).

    Conventions are legends: 420 is not police radio code for
    anything, anywhere. Checks of criminal codes (including those of
    the City of San Francisco, the City of Los Angeles, Los Angeles
    County, the State of California, and the federal penal code) suggest
    that the origin is neither Californian nor federal (the two best
    guesses). For instance, California Penal Code 420 defines as a
    misdemeanor the hindrance of use (obstructing entry) of public
    lands, and California Family Code 420 defines what constitutes a
    wedding ceremony (Marco). One state does come close: The
    Illinois Department of Revenue classifies the Alcoholic Liquor Act
    under Part 420, and the Cannabis and Controlled Substances Tax
    Act are next, under Part 428. (RB 5/19/99)

    True story?: According to Steven Hager, editor of High Times,
    the term 420 originated at San Rafael High School, in 1971,
    among a group of about a dozen pot-smoking wiseacres who
    called themselves the Waldos. The term 420 was shorthand for the
    time of day the group would meet, at the campus statue of Louis
    Pasteur, to smoke pot. ``Waldo Steve,'' a member of the group who
    now owns a business in San Francisco, says the Waldos would
    salute each other in the school hallway and say ``420 Louis!'' The
    term was one of many invented by the group, but it was the one
    that caught on. ``It was just a joke, but it came to mean all kinds of
    things, like `Do you have any?' or `Do I look stoned?' '' he said.
    ``Parents and teachers wouldn't know what we were talking about.''
    The term took root, and flourished, and spread beyond San Rafael
    with the assistance of the Grateful Dead and their dedicated cohort
    of pot-smoking fans. The Waldos decided to assert their claim to
    the history of the term after decades of watching it spread, mutate
    and be appropriated by commercial interests. The Waldos contacted
    Hager, and presented him with evidence of 420's history, primarily
    a collection of postmarked letters from the early '70s with lots of
    mention of 420. They also started a Web site, waldo420.com. ``We
    have proof, we were the first,'' Waldo Steve said. ``I mean, it's not
    like we wrote a book or invented anything. We just came up with a
    phrase. But it's kind of an honor that this emanated from San
    Rafael.'' Maria Alicia Gaura for the San Francisco Chronicle,
    4/20/00 p. A19; and thanks to Noah Cole for the submission

    Alternate explanations

    There are a variety of other explanations, all much more interesting
    than police code, and many plausible. Some are more likely uses
    of the 420/hemp connection rather than sources of it, such as the
    score for the football game in Fast Times at Ridgement High,
    42-0.

    Known Myths: It isn't police code (see above). There are 315
    chemicals in marijuana, not 420. And although tea time in
    Amsterdam is rumored to be 4:20, it is actually 5:30 (Gerhard
    den Hollander).
    Sixties Songs: For instance, Bob Dylan's famous Rainy Day
    Women #12 and 35 is a possible reference, or source --
    12x35=420. And Stephen Stills wrote (and Crosby Stills Nash
    although it is possible to hypothesize that these
    deaths, too, had their purpose, since 420 has been, since time
    immemorial, the number associated with fraud, deception and
    trickery. (Comet 2/14/98) Comet's best guess is that this
    refers to something in Indian mythology or numerology, since
    the book is set in India and frequently involves Indian history,
    culture, and religion. Given the high interest in Eastern
    religion among the phish/dead community, this seems a likely
    origin of 420's current significance.
    Temporal Significance: Hands on analog clock at 4:20 look
    like position of doobie dangling from mouth Larry in
    Tuscan and Alex Mack 5/19/99). Disruptive students are out
    of detention and safetly away from school by 4:20, also
    rumored to be the time that you should dose to be peaking
    when the Dead went on stage Hart. The Waldos were a
    group of teens back in the 70's that lived in San Rafael, CA.
    420 was the way they talked about pot in front of teachers,
    non-smoking family members etc. Also it was the time of day
    they could just go relax, and get baked. (PhunkCellar)
    Jamaicans purportedly worked till 4 then walked home then
    lit up. They would talk 420 like our parents talked about after
    5. That's when partying began Larry in Tuscan). Albert (not
    Abbie) Hofmann supposedly first encountered LSD at 4:20
    p.m. on 4/19/1943 (Bart Coleman citing Storming Heaven by
    Jay Stevens, recommended by Mickey Hart in Planet Drum).
    Surrealist painter Miro was born April 20, 1893. And
    www.filmspeed.com says the propoganda film Reefer
    Madness has a copyright date of April 20, 1936 (i.e. 4/20).
    (Patrick Woolford)
    Misc: Could be that it comes from hydroponics, the practice
    of cultivating plants in water often used by indoor marijuana
    cultivators, since 4 is used for H on a calculator (420/H20).
    (Nick Lowe 3/30/00) The number 80 (eight) is quatre vingt
    (pronounced cah-truh vahn), meaning four (times} twenty.
    Dan Nijjar 1/27/00 (No connection yet between the number
    80 and pot. A quarter pound is roughly 120 grams, rounding
    quarter-ounces to 7.5.) The titanic was supposed to arrive
    4/20/1912. (Thanks to RB.) Perhaps the heavy use of vt420
    terminals in the Berkeley area is to blame? (BTW, 420 in
    binary code is 110100100.)

    Ubiquitous?

    Now there's a 420 Pale Ale. One of the late-97/early-98 Got
    Milk ads featured a character eating cookies without milk and
    then passing a sign that reads Next Rest Area 420 miles (as Ross
    Bruning). Reportedly, all of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction
    are stuck on 4:20. Shirts with the number 420 on the red-and-blue
    interstate highway shield (Interstate 420?) have show up on the
    sitcom Will and Grace (Paul Risenhoover 5/14/99) and in several
    videos. UPS' labelling software has a 420 postal code legend for
    next-day/2-day deliveries (which is how Phish tickets are sent).
    (Jack Lebowitz 10/3/98) MTV's 1997 Viewer's Choice Award (for
    the MTV Video Awards) was decided by calls to
    1-800-420-4MTV. And by May of 1998, the number was
    appearing in so many ads (eg Copenhagen 5/14/98 Rolling Stone
    p54, Corvette p55 5/98 Car -), Homer mentions to
    Flanders that Barney's birthday is April 20th. Also, the jackpot sign
    in one part of the casino says $420,000. There are a couple less
    concrete ones, but these two have to be legit, especially since they
    decided to air THAT particular episode on 4/20/99. (Submitted by
    Matt Meehan 4/21/99) And (as of Fall '99) the 60 free minutes that
    Working Assets Long Distance offers, at the 7 cents per minute
    rate, is $4.20 free. There's even a band named 420, and another
    names . In the first fifteen pages of Karel Capek's novel War with
    the Newts, a man diving under wonder stayed down for four
    minutes and twenty seconds. Grant Garstka 1/6/00 At the
    suggested retail price ($3.96) and Michigan (6%) sales tax, a deck
    of Uno cards costs $4.20. Nic Boris 4:20 marks the first downbeat
    of the drums in Led Zeppelin's epic Stairway to Heaven. (Dan
    Harris) The bill authorizing force after the World Trade Center
    attacks of 9/11/01 passed 420 to 1, and news reports in following
    months noted many times that there are (or were then, anyway) 420
    airports in the U.S. Allan Morris And don't forget that Adolf Hitler
    was born on April 20, macabely celebrated (or at least
    referenced) via the Columbine High School shootings.

    Phish-related Occurances

    Whatever the origin, the number appears frequently... For the
    summer 1997 tour, TicketMaster service charges were $4.20. In
    the Fall 1997 Doniac Schvice Dry Goods section, a limited edition
    Pollack poster printed on 100% hemp is order number 420P. The
    Great Went was 420 miles from Boston (former home of Phish).
    The official logo includes 4 gills and 20 bubbles (Gringo
    11/12/98). As of 6/15/97, including covers and originals, Phish
    had performed a total of 420 songs (thought its 486 by 4/24/98).
    (David Steinberg). Lawnboy is 420megs of memory. Patrick
    Walker Phish's The Vibration of Life underlies a whirling loop
    with Seven Beats per second (which makes 420 beats per minute.)
    Trey has used the altered line woke up at 4:20 in Makisupa
    Policeman, which also often indirectly celebrates 420ing, e.g. by
    mention of goo balls. One of the funniest shirts around takes light
    jabs at both the 4:20 phenomenon and the rumored evolution
    (collapse?) of the Phish.Net (especially rec.music.phish) from
    being Gamehendge to Flamehendge, and beyond. The first day of
    the Great Went started at 4:20 (with Makisupa Policeman. (The
    second day started late, at 4:37.) Noah Cole The first single from
    Slip Stitch and Pass was played on WBCN 10/14/97 at 4:20 pm.
    An uproar at 12/31/96 can be heard on tape during the 2001, in
    response to an enormous digital clock (which was counting down
    to midnight) reaching 11:55:40 and reading -4:20. (Yoda)
    During the 9-12-00 2001, Trey hits the first riff right at 4:20 into
    the intro jam. (Cal 2/25/01) Some mail order tickets for the 1997
    New Year's run were in section 420. The first Mass Pike toll
    leaving Oswego was $4.20. (Camille Heath ) And the standard
    shipping for The Phish Companion through Amazon was
    originally $4.20.

    420 Shows: Phish performed on April 20 in 1989, 1990, 1991,
    1993, and 1994. The first day of the Great Went started at 4:20,
    although that was called a soundcheck by Trey after three songs.
    The Jazzfest Harry Hood 4-26-96 started at about 4:20 reported by
    Trevor. At Big Cypress, David Bowie was playing at 4:20 a.m.
    And the one event during the hiatus (10/8/00 - ?) featuring all
    four members - for Jason Colton's wedding - was 12/1/01, 420
    from: http://www.phish.net/faq/n420.html:

  5. HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PC by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    How to have sexual intercourse with your computer

    Read this entire document before trying any of the steps.

    'Having sex with a computer'. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to mean sex on a computer, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you have sex with a computer? The short answer is: in the floppy drive. The long answer is much more involved, including techniques, precautions and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from screwing a computer. Our first subject will be the floppy drive. The floppy drive of the computer is, of course, where the diskettes come out. So in this sense, the floppy drive is an anus.

    First we will deal with some cautions you should know about. In most computers, the edge of the floppy drive is sharp. You should therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the floppy drive.

    If the CPU has been on for a long (or even a relatively short) period of time, the floppy drive will be hot. Do not do anything with the floppy drive hot. Wait until the floppy drive has cooled off. The floppy drive will cool off faster than the CPU, so you don't have long to wait. I call screwing the computer while the floppy drive is hot, "fucking the computer hot". Never fuck a PC hot. I did, once. Once.

    The drive bay from a computer contains poisonous gases. One of these, sodium monoxide, is a slow killer. Sodium monoxide takes a long time to be flushed out of the body, so it can build up to toxic levels without your knowing it. Never do anything with the floppy drive while the CPU is on!

    Now, the first thing you should note is that the inside of the floppy drive is usually coated with magnetic particles. This is the usual particulate debris of data transmission. Before having sex with the computer, clean the inside of the floppy drive with soap and warm water, as far as you can go. Keep in mind the possibly sharp edge of the floppy drive.

    Now that the floppy drive is clean, you are ready to pleasure and be pleasured by the computer. You can do this two ways. One way doesn't require any equipment. The other way (which is much more rewarding) does. The first way is to fuck the computer 'raw'. This does NOT mean stuffing your cock into the floppy drive and thrusting. This would hurt (remember the sharp edges?) and be no fun anyway, since the floppy drive doesn't flex.

    What you should do is get behind the computer and start jerking off. When you are about to come, carefully put your cock into the floppy drive of the PC, and then come. But, in the heat of passion, you must still remember the sharp edge. Even putting just the head into the floppy drive is good enough. Just make VERY sure that you don't hurt yourself. Now, this assumes that you can get your cock into the floppy drive in the first place. Some floppy drives are too small, and then, well, you're out of luck. Find someone who has a computer with a bigger floppy drive.

    The best way to have sex with a computer, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

    1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

    If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr, xdraco@panix.com) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the floppy drive of the computer you want to have sex with.

    To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'drive-head-cleaner', a can of anal mucus, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'drive-head-cleaner' is a foam rubber dingumbob in which you put anal mucus. It keeps the anal mucus cold and your hand warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've had reports of finding them in brothels. I've actually found a good deal of them at a local discount-type store.

    There are two kinds, thick walled and thin walled. I've only been able to find the thick kind; the thin kind I've only been able to get through an advertising company. The thin kind is particularly good with floppy drives not much bigger than your cock. Here is what you need to do:

    1. Measure the circumference of your erect penis. This is most easily done by wrapping a string around your cock (around the shaft, not the head). 2. Take the bottom of the drive-head-cleaner out. You should be left with a tube. 3. Cut the wall of the tube from top to bottom so that you are left with a slab of foam rubber which refuses to stay straight. 4. Now, carefully cut away material parallel to the first cut until you can put the ends together making a smaller tube, and such that the inner circumference of the tube is slightly smaller (say, by 1/2" or so) than the circumference of your shaft. 5. Take a piece of electrical tape. Hold the ends of the tube flush. Place the tape on the cut on the outside to secure the tube in the middle. Now repeat with more tape until the cut is secure. Wrap tape around the whole thing. 6. Drink the anal mucus. With the scissors, CAREFULLY cut off the top and bottom of the aluminum can. CAREFULLY cut a strip of aluminum lengthwise from the can, about 3/4" to 1" wide. 7. Coat the strip with electrical tape. This is to prevent the edges from cutting. 8. Attach the strip to the tube at one end. 9. 'Test drive' it! Lube it up with KY (try not to use disk-cleaning-fluid-based lubricant; you may want to use it with more than one person, and then you'll be using a condom). Now, stuff the SIU up the floppy drive and lube well.

    You now have several options for fucking your computer. One major one is from behind. If the computer is a Pentium, then put the PC in safe mode and remove the parallel port. This will enable the computer to rock back and forth to your thrusts. If the computer is a Mac, chock the monitor well, remove the USB mouse, and put the computer into a box -- the higher the box, the more play the computer has. This will also enable the PC to rock. Kneel behind the computer. Now thrust in.

    You may not have any trouble with heavier iron-chassic computers, since you may not have to chock the motherboard -- the weight of the computer will prevent the CPU from 'topping out' and moving the computer away. Lighter laptop computers are more likely to be topped out by your thrusts, so chocking is necessary. In general, the lower the CPU MHz, the less play, but the more difficult it is to top the CPU out.

    Another major method is to lie down under the computer, your upper body under the computer, and thrust into the PC. It is difficult, though, to make the PC rock unless you push on the closest reset button. I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the computer sideways. More than one person can fuck a PC if it has more than one floppy drive on opposite sides of the computer. This will also make the computer rock faster and harder since the energy of two people will add.

    NEVER fuck a computer with the CPU on. Firstly, you will be breathing hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the computer will either crash (because there's something blocking the floppy drive, heh) -- causing damage to the CPU -- or will force the drive bay out. And you have an idea where the drive bay will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

    If you do not use a condom and you come inside the computer, ten or fifteen minutes of programming will kill off anything inside. So you do not have to worry about STDs from that. What you will have to worry about, though, is the SIU itself. It is not being sterilized. Therefore, if you use an SIU you think is going to be used by someone else, use a condom, and use KY jelly or some other water-based lubricant. Remember -- disk-cleaning-fluid rots condoms, and so will an disk-cleaning-fluid-based lubricant.

    Enjoy your computers!

  6. Don't read this review by ChaoticCoyote · · Score: 2, Troll

    The review begins with a a grand statement about how the author hasn't even read the book -- the first inidcation that the reviewer is reviewing reactions and interviews, and not Wolfram's actual words.

    But then again, this is Slashdot... ;)

  7. *** !!! HoW tO hAvE sEx WiTh YoUr Pc !!! *** by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll
    How to have sexual intercourse with your computer

    Read this entire document before trying any of the steps.

    'Having sex with a computer'. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to mean sex on a computer, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you have sex with a computer? The short answer is: in the floppy drive. The long answer is much more involved, including techniques, precautions and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from screwing a computer. Our first subject will be the floppy drive. The floppy drive of the computer is, of course, where the diskettes come out. So in this sense, the floppy drive is an anus.

    First we will deal with some cautions you should know about. In most computers, the edge of the floppy drive is sharp. You should therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the floppy drive.

    If the CPU has been on for a long (or even a relatively short) period of time, the floppy drive will be hot. Do not do anything with the floppy drive hot. Wait until the floppy drive has cooled off. The floppy drive will cool off faster than the CPU, so you don't have long to wait. I call screwing the computer while the floppy drive is hot, "fucking the computer hot". Never fuck a PC hot. I did, once. Once.

    The drive bay from a computer contains poisonous gases. One of these, sodium monoxide, is a slow killer. Sodium monoxide takes a long time to be flushed out of the body, so it can build up to toxic levels without your knowing it. Never do anything with the floppy drive while the CPU is on!

    Now, the first thing you should note is that the inside of the floppy drive is usually coated with magnetic particles. This is the usual particulate debris of data transmission. Before having sex with the computer, clean the inside of the floppy drive with soap and warm water, as far as you can go. Keep in mind the possibly sharp edge of the floppy drive.

    Now that the floppy drive is clean, you are ready to pleasure and be pleasured by the computer. You can do this two ways. One way doesn't require any equipment. The other way (which is much more rewarding) does. The first way is to fuck the computer 'raw'. This does NOT mean stuffing your cock into the floppy drive and thrusting. This would hurt (remember the sharp edges?) and be no fun anyway, since the floppy drive doesn't flex.

    What you should do is get behind the computer and start jerking off. When you are about to come, carefully put your cock into the floppy drive of the PC, and then come. But, in the heat of passion, you must still remember the sharp edge. Even putting just the head into the floppy drive is good enough. Just make VERY sure that you don't hurt yourself. Now, this assumes that you can get your cock into the floppy drive in the first place. Some floppy drives are too small, and then, well, you're out of luck. Find someone who has a computer with a bigger floppy drive.

    The best way to have sex with a computer, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

    1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

    If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr, xdraco@panix.com) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the floppy drive of the computer you want to have sex with.

    To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'drive-head-cleaner', a can of anal mucus, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'drive-head-cleaner' is a foam rubber dingumbob in which you put anal mucus. It keeps the anal mucus cold and your hand warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've had reports of finding them in brothels. I've actually found a good deal of them at a local discount-type store.

    There are two kinds, thick walled and thin walled. I've only been able to find the thick kind; the thin kind I've only been able to get through an advertising company. The thin kind is particularly good with floppy drives not much bigger than your cock. Here is what you need to do:

    1. Measure the circumference of your erect penis. This is most easily done by wrapping a string around your cock (around the shaft, not the head). 2. Take the bottom of the drive-head-cleaner out. You should be left with a tube. 3. Cut the wall of the tube from top to bottom so that you are left with a slab of foam rubber which refuses to stay straight. 4. Now, carefully cut away material parallel to the first cut until you can put the ends together making a smaller tube, and such that the inner circumference of the tube is slightly smaller (say, by 1/2" or so) than the circumference of your shaft. 5. Take a piece of electrical tape. Hold the ends of the tube flush. Place the tape on the cut on the outside to secure the tube in the middle. Now repeat with more tape until the cut is secure. Wrap tape around the whole thing. 6. Drink the anal mucus. With the scissors, CAREFULLY cut off the top and bottom of the aluminum can. CAREFULLY cut a strip of aluminum lengthwise from the can, about 3/4" to 1" wide. 7. Coat the strip with electrical tape. This is to prevent the edges from cutting. 8. Attach the strip to the tube at one end. 9. 'Test drive' it! Lube it up with KY (try not to use disk-cleaning-fluid-based lubricant; you may want to use it with more than one person, and then you'll be using a condom). Now, stuff the SIU up the floppy drive and lube well.

    You now have several options for fucking your computer. One major one is from behind. If the computer is a Pentium, then put the PC in safe mode and remove the parallel port. This will enable the computer to rock back and forth to your thrusts. If the computer is a Mac, chock the monitor well, remove the USB mouse, and put the computer into a box -- the higher the box, the more play the computer has. This will also enable the PC to rock. Kneel behind the computer. Now thrust in.

    You may not have any trouble with heavier iron-chassic computers, since you may not have to chock the motherboard -- the weight of the computer will prevent the CPU from 'topping out' and moving the computer away. Lighter laptop computers are more likely to be topped out by your thrusts, so chocking is necessary. In general, the lower the CPU MHz, the less play, but the more difficult it is to top the CPU out.

    Another major method is to lie down under the computer, your upper body under the computer, and thrust into the PC. It is difficult, though, to make the PC rock unless you push on the closest reset button. I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the computer sideways. More than one person can fuck a PC if it has more than one floppy drive on opposite sides of the computer. This will also make the computer rock faster and harder since the energy of two people will add.

    NEVER fuck a computer with the CPU on. Firstly, you will be breathing hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the computer will either crash (because there's something blocking the floppy drive, heh) -- causing damage to the CPU -- or will force the drive bay out. And you have an idea where the drive bay will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

    If you do not use a condom and you come inside the computer, ten or fifteen minutes of programming will kill off anything inside. So you do not have to worry about STDs from that. What you will have to worry about, though, is the SIU itself. It is not being sterilized. Therefore, if you use an SIU you think is going to be used by someone else, use a condom, and use KY jelly or some other water-based lubricant. Remember -- disk-cleaning-fluid rots condoms, and so will an disk-cleaning-fluid-based lubricant.

    Enjoy your computers!

  8. Baloney by AxelBoldt · · Score: 1, Troll
    If indeed cellular automations are somehow at the heart of the universe around us, then the human effort to reduce the universe to understandable models and formulas and simulations is ultimately doomed to failure.

    Right. And since the effort to reduce the universe to formulas has been breathtakingly successful beyond the wildest dreams, while the cellular automata approach (and related new-age "Santa-Fe-style" chaos and complexity theories) have yet to solve their first problem of any significance, we have to conclude that the book's central thesis is a huge bunch of baloney.

  9. Re:Don't read this post by ChaoticCoyote · · Score: 1, Troll

    "Skimming" is not reading, and the reviewer's opinion is meaningless if he hasn't had time to digest the book. The reviewer BEGINS by declaring his or her ignorance and lack of effort -- that's just plain irresponsible.

    This is a book, not a TV show or a movie; it will still be available a month (and probably ten years) from now, giving a reviewer plenty of time to actually READ the book before commenting on it. Then the review might have some credibility.