Nitroglycerin Mystery Solved

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Posted by michael on Friday June 7, 2002 @06:55AM from the funny-as-a-heart-attack dept.

Amon Hobbes writes "It seems that some scientists at Duke University have unravelled the mysteries of How Nitroglycerin works [the heart medication]."

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Last Post!!! by Anonymous Coward · 2002-06-07 06:57 · Score: -1, Offtopic

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VA Research^WLinux^WSoftware Stock Jokes by Anonymous Coward · 2002-06-07 06:59 · Score: 0, Offtopic

How many shares of VA software does it take to change a lightbulb?

All of them, VA stock is worth less than a lightbulb.

Whats the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a share of VA software?

With the lottery, they is still a chance you might profit.

Whats the difference between VA software stock and a box of anvils thrown off an airplane?

VA software stock falls faster.

Why did Santa Claus buy 5000 shares of VA software stock?

He wanted to leave naughty children something worth less then coal

What would you have to sell to buy all the shares of LNUX?

One share of microsoft.
** IMPORTANT: OSM VS. SON-OF-RMS *** IMPORTANT *** by Anonymous Coward · 2002-06-07 07:10 · Score: -1, Offtopic

The story thus far: OSM is deep in space, having just wrested away the Lovely Jessica from the insidious Son-of-RMS, her possessive, greasy Free Software boyfriend. Son-of-RMS is accompanied by his cronies Tivotql, a Mayan descendent who can communicate with the Central American gods, and Skullhead, a bitter, angry malnourished vegan.

Son-of-RMS: Skullhead! Dispatch a Free (as in speech, not beer) Flash Gordon war rocket at osm's ship!

Skullhead: But won't that kill Lovely Jessica , sir?

Son-of-RMS: No matter, I have ways of Opening the Sore and reviving her pale, sexy body.

Tivotql: Sir, the great thunderbird is sending me visions... Visions of the bearded one, your father. He says the path you choose is full of violence and pain, and you would go the way of ESR. A live of depravity and Jägermister, violence and Open Sores!

Back on osm's ship, with the Lovely Jessica and Trollaxor

Lovely Jessica : osm, my ex-boyfriend is so jealous! He won't stop at anything to destroy you and take me back with him to his sordid world of Free software and all-night Jizz Cola coding hacker parties! I fear for us and our blossoming love, open source man!

osm: [squeezes Lovely Jessica 's ripe buttocks] Don't trip, baby. He doesn't know shit about what the true Dark Side of the Force can do.

[random Dark Force energy bolts zap about osm's eyes]

Trollaxor: Sir, the Son of RMS has just readied a deadly Flash Gordon war rocket. Shields up. Shall I ready a retaliatory -1 moderator beam barrage?

osm: No! Just launch the garbage pods around our ship. The cigarette ashes will create a mighty nebula which confuse his Flash Gordon war rocket's guidance systems!

[Lovely Jessica sighs and swoons as she lays her head on osm's arm, squeezing his hand]

Lovely Jessica : Oh, osm!

The garbage pods launch, creating an impossibly thick cloud of Marlboro Light ash around osm's ship, hiding it from all known sensors.

Son-of-RMS: FIRE WAR ROCKET AJAX! AND BRING BACK HER BODY!

Skullhead: Sir, our sensors are reporting no ships in the region! The Flash Gordon war rocket is heading towards a nearby planet of Open Source hackers!

Son-of-RMS: Open a channel on all known frequencies and broadcast in all known languages! And Perl!

Skullhead: Sir.

Back on osm's ship, Trollaxor opens Son-of-RMS's broadcast on the main screen. Lovely Jessica grabs osm at the site of her ex-boyfriend.

Son-of-RMS: LISTEN UP, OSM. YOU CAN ONLY HIDE IN CLOUDS OF MARLBORO ASH AND CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR SO LONG! I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO WAIT FOR YOU!!! MY LEGIONS OF FREE SOFTWARE HACKERS MAKE THEIR WAY HERE EVEN NOW. CONSIDER SURRENDERING AND SAVE YOURSELF A THOUSAND DECADES OF OPEN SORES!

osm: Keep thinking that.

Trollaxor: Sir, long-range sensors report an armada arriving from the Goatse hole! Range: 3000 g-clicks and closing! ETA: 2 hours! Orders?

Son-of-RMS laugh maniacally on the main screen of osm's ship and then bleeps out.

osm: Begin charging the scientifically-proven petrification rays. Arm the trollpedos and engage the-cloak!

Lovely Jessica : osm, will we ever make it out of here alive, so that I can love you like I want to? We've only just begun... I don't want our chance at happiness ended so soon!

Lovely Jessica buries her head in osm's chest, crying.

osm stares blindly ahead at the main screen where the visage of the grease-ball Son-of-RMS was just seconds before. Hums and vibrations fill the air as the scientifically-proven petrification rays and the-cloak charge their reactors.

osm's eyes turn to deep pools of inky black, and even more random bolts of Dark Force energy crackle in his cavernous eyes sockets.

osm: You're fucked, buddy!
I wish they'd figure out the other Nitro mystery by billcopc · 2002-06-07 08:37 · Score: 0, Offtopic

The other mystery: why don't they make bigger NOS bottles for street drag cars ? =)

(offtopic, I know.. but I'm pretty sure a ride in the car would sufficiently shock any cardiac back to health - or just kill them swiftly)

--
-Billco, Fnarg.com
Re:such a big deal? PUSSIES, GAFELGA by Anonymous Coward · 2002-06-07 10:49 · Score: -1, Offtopic

pussies

floating

dripping floating pussies

flying

into the GAFELGA purple SKY

with lipstick on the labias

and teeth painted on the hole

they are laughing dripping pussies

on the backdrop of space

on a purple sky moon of Jupiter

with farting Russian cosmonauts

with scintillating stars, in a black backdrop, contrasting with negative space depth the adamantine surface of a cold moon with no atmosphere, and the nebula's gas is motley in color, and the floating pussies look surreal as if they were the deep space's own pussies, laughing and dripping.

im hungry
hmmmmm
i have sea bass
sea monekys
err
dislexic much
am i
barren
this shaved pussy is
not to my lamenting
for it is this which i love most
bald beautiful
whimsical in its humping
as it leaks lavishly
the fluid that my member holds most dear
most clear
for that which is chunky is wrought with a sense of vaginosis
a bitter ugly distraction from the otherwise loveliness of the puss
for it is this condition that i most lament
leaky pussies