'Solaris' Screen Adaptation Forthcoming

Jooly Rodney writes "No, not the operating system, the sci-fi novel by Stanislaw Lem, long considered to be a classic of the genre. Apple's movie trailer site features a teaser trailer, and IMDb has George Clooney and Natascha McElhone as the leads Kelvin and Rheya."

Comments

Aw man!

[Rhinobird]

I was looking forward to a movie based on an operating system...

Re:Aw man!

[Alsee]

I was looking forward to a movie based on an operating system...

I hereby declare open season on "Microsoft Windows - the movie" jokes!

After the previews - the screen turns blue.

You go to your local 12 screen megaplex and Windows is playing on all 12.

Any time anyone enters or leaves the theater they have to restart the movie.

You have to show a valid passport to enter the theater.
Your passport serial number is used as a permanent tracking number.

The MPAA initially rates it as "unsuitable for general audiences", but becomes strangely cooperative after having lunch with Microsoft's laywers.

It requires projectors with a proprietary variable frame rate technology.

The admission is $120 and includes a free Microsoft popcorn, free Microsoft Cola, and a free Microsoft CD player (incompatible format with DRM).

30 minutes of the footage will have to be patched the day it's released.

There will be a sequel every 2 years.
Episode 3.0 will be the first one to hit theaters. Unlike Star Wars, you really really don't want to see the prequels.

It won't appear free on TV a few years later.

The soundtrack will feature the songs "Developers, Developers, Developers, Developers" and "Monkey Dance" preformed by Steve Ballmer.

The commercial for Windows with mention that Penguins may carry rabies and Apples may cause food poisoning.

Six slashdot readers (always the same six) will post here saying they LIKE the movie, and all the negative reviews are unfair Microsoft bashing.

You call movie phone (777-FILM) and discover the greeting has changed to "Welcome to Microsoft's Moviephone..."

When they deliver the film to the theater they will install new security doors. A week later a major newspaper will run a story saying that back doors are unlocked on all the theaters. Microsoft will blame the reporter. As a fix, Microsoft sends "Exit only" stickers for the back doors. 3 days later there's an article about a buffer overflow in the popcorn machine. 2 days later they find a buffer overflow in the restroom.

A talking paperclip will appear in the corner of the screen and say "It looks like you're watching a movie!"

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Re:Another one?

[Allen Varney]

Andrei Tarkovsky's Russian adaptation of Solaris (1972) was the first, of course, and is widely regarded as a sci-fi classic.

...by those who haven't seen it. Most desperately, petrifyingly boring film I've ever seen. The movie spends ten or fifteen minutes just showing a guy driving home. Just driving. You think I'm exaggerating.

This being a Russian film, everybody's character arc takes them from depressed to depressed, visiting many states of depression in between. On a spaceship that somehow manages to look like a spare bedroom, the artificial gravity gets temporarily turned off, and we see a depressed couple floating mournfully in mid-air, while seated in chairs.

Four hours of my life I'll never get back.

Re:Trailer showing before Minority Report

[Oily Tuna]

James Cameron, Steven Soderbergh, and George Clooney

My God, it's full of stars!

This is a remake of another film

[DavidBrown]

Just having watched the trailer, and having read the description of the original Russian film from imdb.com, I can only conclude that the new Solaris is a remake of:

Ren & Stimpy: Space Madness

My bet is that George Clooney plays Stimpy.