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Rat Mind Control
Patrick Key writes "Well, not exactly mind control but scientists have taken rat training to a new level. By inserting electrodes into the brain of a rat, they're able to effectively control a rat to move forward, left and right. They used the brain area that processes whisker info for left/right control and the pleasure center for moving forward. All sorts of interesting implications- no mention of when a human version would be available. The feat is mentioned in an IEEE's Spectrum article
here"
before someone hacks the rat and get linux running on it.
Pretty soon the army will be able to make ninja turtles that live in the sewers, and eat pizza.
... but, ...but who else will protect us from the evil Shredder?
Or imagine a real life donkey kong game?
rspc who?
aaaaaaahh...
~the keyboard is mightier than the pen.
Timothy would never have done such a thing, Taco must have plugged him with electrodes /me thinks poor Timmy is now fetching taco's paper.
while he was asleep.
SatireWire did a take-off of this three months ago, back when it was topical.
All the other kids have mouse look now!
does anyone else imagine mad scientists racing radio contolled rats around a maze? no? just me?
He who defends everything, defends nothing. -- Fredrick The Great
Well, here's the five highest modded Funny comments from the _last_ time this was posted, just so we know how lame slashdot really is.
Subj: remote controller rats
Do they use 9.6 volt batteries? Those battery packs tend to run out so fast, I'd hate to have to recharge my rats after only a half hour of use. That simply wouldn't be acceptable.
Subj: First step rats, the next step Congressman!
The title says it all.
Makes for a great alibi, though. Combine it with a bone-conductive radio impland and it gives new credence to the old "voices told me to do it" excuse.
Subj: erm.. rat cyborg
does it star in the new terminator 3 movie coming out??
Subj: Okay I get it...
but did they really have to use rats? I mean, it's a great idea and all, but the last thing I want if I'm stranded somewhere is rats all over me. Am I alone in this?
Just my $.02
Subj: Re:First rats, then people
I don't know about you, but I think I would notice that portions of my skull were missing when my hairbrush perforated my brain.
Now I can't wait to get one of these rats. Then I can just sit in my sofa with my brand new remotecontroller and play with my cat.
No more ping-pong balls for me and my cat
All work and no play makes me a dull boy
And then punish it for failing :)
First you need to think about the type of rat you want to control. Do you want a Democratic rat or a Republican? There are many other alternatives such as a libertarian or a greenie, however those require more advance techniques and the gains are not as a great. The two mainstream types of roduntus politicious are much more plentiful, accessable and cost effective over the long term.
After you chose your rat. You now need a very large organization that has in it's posession a large amount of money. Now do not be discouraged at this point, this easier done than you would be lead to belive. Simply take all ethics, integrity, honesty and honor that your soul posesses, roll all these traits into a little ball and then sell it on a street corner for crack.
If you can perform this deed you have the potential to suceed in boardroom shinanigans, backstaping, corporate hoaring, thought theft, frivilous lawsuits, accounting coverups and the ocassiaonal rimjob. Perform these tasks to the best of your ability and you will have a large corporate entity under your control in a matter of a few years.
Now you can't just pick any type of corporation and make it work with any rat. It just dosen't work out that way. Although there are exceptions there are general rules of thumb for picking the perfect corporation/rat marriage.
If you want to subvert the thought process of a democrat, you will want a large entertainment company. Such a company might make movies, television, music. Now generally for entertainment the more mind-numbing the product the better.
Remember that all you future Ted Turner's of the world. If your company produces quality mind-expanding entertainment that provokes thought in your target demographic then you are doomed to failure. A thinking population might actually think when they are in the voting booth. Such thinking causes random unforseen variables to occur like voting for the other guy.
Oil, is a good industry to use to subvert a republican. Also a company with very deep ties with the military would be an outstanding choice.
If you product destroys the enviroment and kills alot of people a republican is a sure thing.
Rat control is a very old and time honored tradition thar predates even the Romans. With tried and true techniques to subvert every kind of rat to your will.
There is nothing wrong with directly sticking a mind-controling apparatus into the subjects brain. You just need to take into consideration how obvious your influence when your rat is required to make a public speech with elctrodes, and wires sticking out of his/her head.
>
no mention of when a human version would be available.
It's called television.
Reprogramming humanity since 19xx...
--saint