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Meteorite Hits Girl
redcliffe writes "The BBC has a story about a 14 year old North Yorkshire girl who was hit, on the foot, by a meteorite. Where's Bruce Willis when you need him?" The young Miss Carlton notes: "This does not happen that often in Northallerton"; no doubt the City of York is where most meteorites land.
Full Transcript
So it was announced today that the Olsen twins will be presenters at the MTV Music Video Awards. Now, like many in my generation, I have something of an obsession with Mary-Kate and Ashley. I first came to know these beguiling minx when back in 1987 they first showed up in that "Full House" with Bob Saget, John Stamos, and that blond guy. I was a young sophomore in college then, and on wintry nights, my friends and I would gather round the phosphorescent warmth of the flickering TV, laughing, pondering, and yes, sometimes crying, at the lovable pixies who so bewitched us.
Sure, they were only nine months old at the time, but oh, how they lit up the screen. Now, of course, I look back with regret. Because I missed the early clues to the dark forces that some believe were at work even then. That's right. Like many of us who troll the Web for days, I've come to believe that the Olsens are part of a twin- based conspiracy that goes back generations.
Now hear me out.
It started with the Siamese connection, Chang and Eng, yes, then the Bobbsey (ph) twins, cunning operatives who lulled the readers into believing they were using their powers for good. Remember the Wonder Twins? Did we really believe they were out to save the world in the form of an eagle, shape of an ice bridge? And as for their sidekick Gleek, cute psuedo-symian? or hideous, unholy hybrid of man and monkey? I ask you. Most recently, the "Playboy" twins. I believe the Olsen twins are the last step, the completion of the cycle if you will.
The Olsen twins are the most financially successful child stars ever. To put this in perspective, to match their success, Dana Plato would have had to hold up 1.8 million convenience stores. Impossible. How else can you explain the Olsen phenomenon if it isn't some sort of diabolical plot? They have appeared in 40 videos which have sold more than 30 million copies. That's a lot considering they're not doing porn, yet . They've sold 1.5 million records, and appear on TV about 30 times a week, not counting the subliminal messages, yes, that's right, I see you, Ashley.
Earlier this summer, the Olsen twins announced they were introducing a line of junior clothing for sale at Wal-Mart, this year they project sales of up to $1 billion. I am not kidding. They are advancing into Wal-Marts across the country, and have we heard nothing from Tom Ridge? No. That's the genius of the Olsens. Their campaign has been waged slowly, meticulously, and in the public eye from day one. It started with the acting, then singing, a little tap, soon the inevitable shimmying, and now we are drowning in Olsen products.
Now I know you may scoff, you may say, how can Mary-Kate and Ashley be a threat to our great land, but scoff all you want, when your kids are singing Olsen songs, wearing Olsen clothes, and bowing down to Olsen reliquaries, you won't be allowed to scoff unless Mary- Kate and Ashley say it's OK. And believe me, they won't. You think its a coincidence Kmart has gone bust, and Martha's on the rocks, I warn you MTV, today they are presenting an award, tomorrow, it's Mary-Kate and Ashley Living Omnimedia.
It can't be dry and wit at the same time, retard.
napster was always stupid. AudioGalaxy was awesome. SoulSeek is the best replacement. it kicks napsters arse.
"Me and my girl named bimbo . . . limbo . . . spam" - Captain Beefheart.
the exploding manhole accidents...
Sounds like a theme for sadomasochistic gay pr0n to explore