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Little Green Men
John O. "Jack" Banion is a man of fearsome power. A combination of Larry King and Bill O'Reilly, he hosts a pompous Sunday morning "issues" talk show that is the hub of Washington media. Politicians hate him, but need him. The dowdy matrons of beltway society fall over themselves to get him to attend their dinner parties. He has the luxury of dismissing millions of dollars in endorsements as beneath his lofty station. In an early scene, the President appears on his show and gets treated with righteous disdain, about which he privately muses "Presidents come and go."
Banion's life is filled with stifling protocols that he has fully embraced. He has few passions -- his wife seems happily neglected, the arts bore him, he doesn't even truly care about the politics he is immersed in, except to the extent that he wields influence over it. Even his cynicism rings hollow.
Enter one Nathan Scrubbs, a frustrated, mid-level, black-ops bureaucrat and professional alien abductor for an unmentionable government program called MJ-12. For years, Scrubbs has located prime abductee candidates: those who are personally reliable and believable, yet have the social and educational standing that would cause the media to doubt their veracity -- that is to say, trustworthy rubes. He orders their abductions with bored detachment, then monitors the media reaction to ensure that there is just a subtle but consistent undercurrent of belief that can be used for various manipulative purposes (bolstering the defense budget, scaring the Russians, funding satellites, etc.).
But Scrubs is bitter. He dreams of being a CIA field op, but was rejected by the agency. His job is a dead end. He can't advance, can't transfer, can't even talk about it with anyone. So one Sunday morning, blind drunk on Bloody Marys, while watching Banion's talk show, he authorizes a rogue abduction of Banion.
Banion goes public about his abduction and finds himself outcast from his elite circles while Scrubbs flees for his life from his own agency. Not surprisingly, events spiral out of control and the fates of Scrubbs and Banion intertwine. No more hoaxing unsuspecting rednecks, or manipulating meaningless government policies; for the first time in their lives they find there are deadly serious consequences to their actions. The collision of the contemptuous gravitas of the political actors with the madcap world of UFO conspiracists provides ample opportunity to compare the two and leave us wondering which one is sillier.
As a former speechwriter for Bush the Elder, Buckley, the editor of Forbes FYI, is very assured in lampooning the Washington DC aristocracy he is undoubtedly familiar with. He perfectly captures the egos behind the noble facades in the degrade-or-be-degraded Capitol high society. After his on-air flaying of the President, Banion is greeted by other power players at an elite dinner party.
But here was Tony Flemm, host of the second-rated Washington show, trying not to look jealous. "Jack. Nice show."
"Do you think? I don't know."
That's right, torture the poor bastard, make him explain, make him elaborate in front of everyone on just why he though it was such a good show. But wait, here came Burt Galilee, beaming, shaking his head in mock horror at Banion's ruffling of presidential eagle feathers. And here, just behind him, came the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and behind him, the French ambassador. A triumph.
Buckley is equally sardonic with the abductee population, yet, perhaps because they are painfully sincere despite their silliness, they are treated with a bit less vitriol.
Another of [hypnotherapist Bart Hupkin's] regressees shared her breakthrough of wrapping herself in cellophane, which, like panty hose, made it more difficult for the aliens to drive home their vile phallic probes. She noted that this also helped with weight loss. Another abductee announced that she was depressed because she missed her alien children. The father had, contrary to their joint custody arrangement, taken them off to the Pleiades with a "slut" from Aldebran. Hupkin said she should not take this personally. Aliens were notoriously problematic when it came to commitment.
Banion left the workshop unable to shake the feeling that there was something lacking in these people's lives...Banion had to keep reminding himself that the early Christians must have been an odd bunch, too.
As with any satire of length, the droll commentary can only take you so far; then you need characters that can carry the story. Though both are essentially passionless cynics at heart, Banion and Scrubbs flesh out fairly well. A central irony: Banion finds zeal for the abductee movement that he never experienced in the "serious" world of politics, and Scrubbs finally gets a taste undercover agent life as he flees the wrath of MJ-12. The plot runs a bit low on steam towards the end, but by that time we are, if not sympathetic for, at least interested enough in Banion and Scrubbs to want to know how it all ends.
Buckley takes an unbiased approach to satire. He is non-partisan regarding politics or social standing; he punctures the pretentious and skewers the self-important wherever he finds them. If you would rather be amused than disgusted with the inanity you read in the news or see on TV, Little Green Men is for you.
You can purchase Little Green Men from bn.com; (Note the remaindered price of $3.99 for the hardcover). Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
REAL (mac) nerds will remember little green man or LGM as the abbreviation for the BOLO dude that you could send out of your tank.
:-)
Those wree the days. Nothing more fun than locking the LGM between 4 blocks
When will I end this grieving ? When will my future begin ?
Greetings, Earth being! I am an energy-based life form. I have transformed myself into this message so that I might communicate with you. Right now, I am having fun with your eyeballs. I know you are enjoying it because you are smiling!
Please moderate me to a +5 so that I may have fun with as many Slashdotters as possible.
I live in a giant bucket.
Art Bell is modeled after the now famous Happy Harry Cox. Harry Cox is a new age investigator from the Firesign Theater album Everything You Know Is Wrong.
You want satire? Get a copy today.
Harry Cox lives in a trailor house, so does Art Bell.
Harry Cox broke news of a comet coming, so did Art Bell.
The album was made in 1975. Firesign Theater is and was years ahead.
I think Thank You For Smoking is a better (and funnier) book by the same author. Good stuff: "death" lobbyists, advertising, evil plots, dangerous nicotine patches, etc. etc.
Blue aliens would be confused by smurfs.
:-)
Humans can already have black, white, brown, yellow and red skin tones. Making for example black aliens would be discriminating. Fortunately, no humans (except dead humans) are grey, so that skin tone was available.
But it's not many to choose from. Someone should index "available politically correct alien colors".
Beware: In C++, your friends can see your privates!
I believe the Roswell sightings are in fact the oldest and most widely publicized alien sightings, so I would guess that was where the myth began.
No, Thursday's out. How about never - is never good for you?
Seconded. What a fun book. :-)
Blue would be associated with police/law enforcement. The very opposite of aliens.
For something slightly newer, check out "God Is My Broker", also by Buckley. It's a short novel formatted to spoof self-help books.
One of the things I found really amusing about "Little Green Men" is that the main character, while partly based in Tim Russert and David Brinkley, he was obviously also drawn heavilly from William F. Buckley, the author's father. The idea that he would subject his well-respected dad's fictional proxy to an alien anal probe, for the sake of a cheap laugh, somehow strikes me as even funnier because of this context.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
... Little Green Men is a great book, as is Thank You for Smoking. Christopher Buckley is a master of taking all the things we know about our ridiculous society and placing them in front of us so clearly that we cannot help but laugh at the satire. I highly recommend him to anyone that doesn't mind poking a finger at life in America.
Liora
"Blue would be associated with police/law enforcement. The very opposite of aliens."
Except, of course that they're the ones behind it all, so they don't let people use blue aliens, in case people make the link.
Personally, I don't see why aliens can't be purple with pink spots and flourescent orange stripes. With that fashion sense, they could pass as computer programmers.
Maran
Is that because Timothy thinks the elder Buckley is funny, too, or is Timothy a right wing nut?
Let's see, making aliens black would be discriminating against black aliens, making them white would imply some sort of intergalactic superiority complex... What about those dual-color aliens from that one episode of Star Trek?
Blue aliens would be confused by smurfs. Zhaan, or Smurfette... I think I can tell the difference!
Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.
Timothy is only capable of dealing with one Buckley at a time. Perhaps when William F. Buckley Jr. kicks the bucket, he can transfer his monogomous Buckley interests to Christopher...
Help save the critically endangered Blue Iguana
Fortunately, no humans (except dead humans) are grey, so that skin tone was available.
I guess you haven't met some of our IT staff here. I think a few of them haven't seen the sun in several decades, and have a nicotine coating which dulls their skin hue. That or they ARE aliens, I just always assumed that their personal quirks were an old IT-admin thing...
That explains that odd probe-like tool in the PC fixit kit - phorm
His Sunday talk show is almost exactly the same as "Meet The Press" on NBC, right down to stealing and slightly modifying the tag-line, "if it's Sunday, it's Meet The Press". He commands enough fear and respect in the early part of the book that it is doubtful that he is modelled on a pundit (who really only have a following among those with the same ideology as them... Rush Limbaugh has very few left-wing fans, and almost never does interviews of anybody on his show).
His job and status makes him seem closest to Tim Russert (the current "Meet the Press" host) or David Brinkley (of "This Week", another Sunday Morning put-leaders-in-the-hot-seat interview show). However, the character's background and style seems to resemble Buckley's father, William F. Buckley, and his PBS news interview-and-commentary show, "Firing Line".
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
Sounds suspiciously like elves.
the santa work shop variety.
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on
Many people have remarked that had he never entered the field of political commentary, he would perhaps been even more successful as a novelist. John Kenneth Galbraith, who is nearly WFB's political opposite, amusingly put it this way:Even barring WFB's excellent political works (which all exhibit the unerring logic and rationality of the true conservative position as opposed to that of the fickle and weak-willed Republican party), there is much here for all that enjoy good literature: His collection of books chronicling his several ocean crossings under sail are unlike anything else, and positively overflow with the joy he finds in life. His series of spy novels centered around the fictional Blackford Oakes, while not the absolute best of thier genre (I prefer Forsythe and Ludlum), hold their own quite well against others that have managed to claim the number spot on the NY Times bestseller list.
So, bottom line, there's good news for those of you that have not done the rigorously rational and thorough thinking required to become a "right wing nut": Even liberals can enjoy the work a a gifted wordsmith. (Or perhaps even socialists, to the very limited degree they're able to enjoy anything at all...)
"The future's good and the present is nothing to sneeze at." - Roblimo's last
Thank You for Smoking, a biting satire of the cigarette industry.
> His job and status makes him seem closest to
> Tim Russert
The odd thing is that I was not nearly boggled enough by the idea of Tim Russert doing the "I've been abducted by aliens" thing. Rush seemed much more natural for it in my mind's eye (leading the rally and whatnot).
I think George Will would have exploded if he had been abducted. The brain would simply have short-circuited.
Russert as protagonist works for me too, though. I just didn't have him in mind when I picked up the book.
guac-foo
Lots of petrified grits
George Will might be more analagous, but he's never really been given his own show either. He's smart and articulate, but perhaps a little too smart and articulate for mass consumption, so he tends to be used as the "token right-winger" in political round-table shows, now that people have caught on to the fact that David Gergen is not particularilly conservative.
"Little Green Men" is about a journalist who was considered ultra-credible by nearly everybody until he told the world he was abducted.
A story about a Rush Limbaugh type becoming a UFO believer would not be nearly as funny. Make Rush Limbaugh believe in UFO abductions, and all you end up with is Art Bell.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.