Slashdot Mirror
Abrupt Climatic Change Coming Soon?
rRaAnNiI writes "Just read an extremely interesting article about the possibility of having a 'little ice age' quite soon - within a decade.
The frightening thing is that it makes a lot of sense to me. Does anyone know how to build an igloo?"
Wooooooohoooooooooooo, I'm a super troll! F34r m3! Heh.
Well, it's that time again. Time for fresh faced youngsters to pack up their precious belongings, moms to break out the tissues, and dads to finally figure out how big a hot tub will fit in your old room. And since it's that time of year, I figure it is the perfect time to share my year of experience in that most important of college experiences--booze.
Below is a list of drinks I have imbibed upon frequently and experimented in making recently. I have compiled them in order to let others go into the college year a little more educated on the wonders of alcohol, and its mixing. Of course, these are only the mixed drinks and hard liquors. Beer and wine will have to come later.
Absinthe
Illegal in this country since 1912 because it was found to cause permanent dementia, but available from any resident Greek (he'll call it Ouzo, Frenchmen (he'll call it Ricard), or other European, just follow your nose to this refreshing beverage. No, the drink doesn't smell, but the foreigner you'll be getting it from will! Absinthe isn't alcohol, but more related to a narcotic. It is clear, but when you add the obligatory water and ice, it turns into a color remarkably like semen! The taste is entirely unique, but I don't suggest drinking a lot if it. You might become French.
Smoothness: 2 (out of 5)
Fuck-upness: 4 (out of 5)
Amaretto Sour
1 shot amaretto
Country Time Lemonade to taste
Serve over ice
Perfect for all those tipsy ladies that you love to grope, this drink is candy in a glass, but don't think that it wont get you drunk. This drink is good for freshmen and girly girls (Anna) and anyone wanting to warm up for a good night out or wind down from a hard day in class. I really like this one and stock its ingredients often. Shut up. I'm not a lush. I can quit anytime I want to...
Smoothness: 5
Fuck-upness: 3
Black Russian
2 shots vodka
1 shot Kahlua
Serve over ice.
This drink makes Russians cry. Not just the cute little Russian girls, but the scary Russian men too. Mainly because in the Russian world of snow and capitalistic dogs, there is no such color as 'black.' Stalin banned it in 1952 along with newspapers, Ukrainians, and fun. But name aside, this drink will fuck you up. Fast. As a rule, booze mixed with more booze will do that, but the black Russian is a drink I recommend only for those men already with hair on their chest (Nick) or a death wish (Seok).
Smoothness: 0
Fuck-upness: 5
Cognac
The highest of the high class, Cognac is a special type of brandy (distilled wine) made only in the Cognac region of France. It's expensive. It's best served at 98 degrees. It's stronger than Seok on Creatine. I don't suggest trying to get f'ed up on Cognac, since there are much cheaper ways to go. A lot of people try to make mixed drinks (Café Royals, Cossacks, Chicago Cocktails) with this fine after dinner enjoyment, but I suggest waiting until you're rich enough to not worry about coughing up a lung and spilling $200 on the ground while begging for enough water to put the inferno in your throat.
Smoothness: 0
Fuck-upness: 5
Cointreau
This liqueur is a brand of Triple Sec and is the perfect ingredient for Margaritas. By itself, and with a few ice cubes, this drink taste slightly of orange. Like any specialty liqueur, this is not for getting f'ed up with. I recommend it for impressing chicks with your knowledge of alcohol and an excuse to say "liqueur" a lot.
Smoothness: 4
Fuck-upness: 3
Cosmopolitan
1 shot vodka
½ shot Triple Sec
Cranberry juice
Dash of Lime
Serve Shaken
This is a trendy fru-fru drink that is common to old women who would sell their souls to be young again. It is pink and appeared on Sex in the City and therefore, is damn popular with people who want to be cosmopolitan. But, don't let the clientele fool you. This might be what Doctor Bob calls a "watered down martini," but this pink lush-water does pack a wallop. It's a lot of vodka, especially if you get my luscious Mom to make it.
Smoothness: 4
Fuck-upness: 4
Dominican Devil
2 shots gold rum
Lemonade to taste
Serve over ice
The Dominican Devil is named for my fiancée and is named appropriately. The only time I ever got puking drunk was after drinking these. Well, and the 10+ shots of gold rum. But she took care of me afterward. This is a surprisingly tasty mix that is sour with a sweet aftertaste of molasses. The warmer you serve it, the more molasses in the after taste. Also the more ass in the foretaste. For an extra kick, use Bacardi 151 and light it on fire.
Smoothness: 3
Fuck-upness: 4
Fog Horn
2 shots gin
Juice of 1 lime
Ginger ale to taste
Serve over ice
Yeah, yeah, funny name. But this sweet little number is a nice way to drink when the only thing available is gin. For those of you not in the know, gin tastes like giving head to a pine tree. The strong lime and sweet Ginger ale are a nice way to hide the gin, and still get smashed enough to actually think about seeing if that simile was apt.
Smoothness: 4
Fuck-upness: 4
Gin
Do yourself a major favor. Don't try to impress anyone by swigging this bottle back. You'll only look as foolish as Irish did. The best brands are Tanqueray, Bombay, and Bombay Sapphire.
Smoothness: 0
Fuck-upness: 5
Gin & Sin
2 shots gin
2 shots Orange Juice
2 shots Lemon Juice
Serve over ice
Yet another way to hide gin. This doozy is a good one to remember because the two most common mixers at parties are OJ and Lemonade. They are strong flavors, but remember, so is gin. Just drink it fast.
Smoothness: 2
Fuck-upness: 5
Gin & Tonic
2 shots gin
Dash of lime
Tonic to taste
Serve over 2 ice cubes
Ok. This is a personal summer favorite of mine, but I have to give you a word of warning. If done wrong, this is the worst drink ever. The problem is that gin (as we have established) is awful and tonic taste like rancid monkey ass. The only way they are potable is when they arrive in perfect harmony with a little lime. I'd love to tell you how to balance them right, but I can only tell you it's all practice. I've had a lot, and I'm pretty damn good at it, but I'd suggest getting a seasoned bartender to make this one. And use only the best gins (I use Bombay Dry Gin). One final note on prep--don't stir!! The beauty of this drink is that the tonic bubbles and movement of the ice stir the mix for you. Done right, this drink is one of the reasons to become a lush. Just ask my parents.
Smoothness: 4 (done wrong, 0)
Fuck-upness: 5
Grapefruit Cocktail
2 shots gin
Grapefruit Juice to taste
Serve over ice, or shaken
Irish's favorite (and his grandmother's), this drink will fuck you up good. The gin is amazingly close to the taste of grapefruit juice and it is a pretty good combo if you are sick of drinks that are too sweet or too sour. Grapefruit juice is a rare mixture at a party, but if you're ever hanging at Irish's place, ask for this one. I can't say it hides the gin. It just makes you feel like you're giving head to an old woman instead of a pine tree. Your call.
Smoothness: 5 (Irish made me write that)
Fuck-upness: 5
Long Island Iced Tea
1 shot tequila
1 shot rum
1 shot vodka
1 shot gin
1 shot triple sec
Lime juice, sugar, cola to taste.
Damn.
Smoothness: 3
Fuck-upness: 6 ½
Margarita
1 shot tequila
1 shot Triple Sec
Juice of ½ a lime.
Serve over ice or blended
Another personal favorite, this drink is a must with spicy Mexican food. The salt-rimmed glass, while it may look disgusting, is the key to this drink. It is salty, sweet, and sour with that unmistakable tequila kick. Interestingly enough, it is also the most popular mixed drink among women dining out. Which makes sense; the flavor is as complex as a woman. And, it will fuck you up and make you do as much stupid shit as a woman.
Smoothness: 1
Fuck-upness: 4
Martini
2 shots gin
Serve shaken
This little pretentious number is one of the fundamentals of any mixology. While I (and most) prefer vodka in our martinis, this classic is still popular with old heiresses and people out to a bar for the first time. But don't let these primary customers fool you; this drink is among the highest in fucked-upedness. The martini lover is one of the manliest of men. Just ask Doctor Bob. I'm sure he'll tell you all about how great he is.
Smoothness: 1
Fuck-upness: 5
Pina Colada
2 shots light rum
2 oz coconut cream
3 oz pinapple juice
Blend with ice
This a rum delight that is good for nights out, but I don't recommend it for getting f'd up. There's just too much other stuff in there that you will get full before you can sleep with that ugly sophomore with the lazy eye. Pina Coladas are classified under girly drinks for a reason. They are easy on the tongue and easier on the liver.
Smoothness: 5
Fuck-upness: 1
Rum
Rum is strong, but there is a great, sweet aftertaste that comes from the molasses that it is distilled from. You can sip it, since it's not great for shots, but I prefer mixing it in girly, fruity drinks. Unless its 151 (i.e. 151 proof) which I suggest lighting on fire because burning stuff is fun. Plus burning it burns off most of the alcohol and leaves only the sweet, sweet innards... The best rums I know are Black Seal, and Bacardi Gold, but if you want a fun night out, use Bacardi 151.
Smoothness: 1
Fuck-upness: 5
Screwdriver
2 shots vodka
Orange juice to taste
Serve over ice
This is a very overrated drink that has become very popular for no goddamn reason. It is too thick to enjoy the whispy, angelic properties of vodka and too thick to cool down enough to nullify the burning nature of the alcohol. It's even too thick to drink it fast. I'd liken its flavor to gasoline-soaked snot.
Smoothness: 2
Fuck-upness: 5
Stevotini
1 shot of frigid Grey Goose vodka
5 ounces Minutemaid Lemonade
Serve shaken
This is the drink that I pick when I want to get tanked with the woman I love. It is tangy but with an airy texture that will delight even the most avid pessimist (Robert). Drink it fast, because it is best when Antarcticly cold. It is my favorite Thursday night treat and I can't stress enough how wonderful it is. Drink it with someone you love and make sure you are wearing clothes you can get out of quickly.
Smoothness: 5
Fuck-upness: 5
Strawberry Daiquiri
A few shots of light rum
A pack of frozen strawberries
Blend with ice until desired texture
Yeah, its not an accurate recipe, but I was pretty drunk already. This is another girly drink that's not good for getting drunk off of, but you can speed up the process by taking shots of rum while your girlfriend works the blender. I honestly don't remember the taste...
Smoothness: 5
Fuck-upness: 1
Tom Collins
2 shots gin
Juice of ½ lemon or lime
2 pinches of sugar
Club soda to taste
This drink is also often ordered by heiresses and Mr. Montgomery Burns. It is like a gin and tonic but harder to screw up because club soda isn't that bad. Like monkey ass versus rancid monkey ass. And the sugar really helps. If you are going to add too much of something, add too much sugar.
Smoothness: 3
Fuck-upness: 3
Vodka
My favorite distilled beverage, vodka is the shit. Of course, if you buy the cheap vodka, that is what it will taste like--shit. The best stuff on earth (and all I drink) is Grey Goose. Store it in its own freezer, because this stuff is so incredibly pure, the smells from other food with ruin it. Best served ICEfuckingcold and with a heavy air of pretension.
Smoothness: 0 (Grey Goose: 5)
Fuck-upness: 5
Vodka Martini
2 shots vodka
Whisper of dry vermouth
Serve shaken
Little hint on the best way to mix this one up: fill the shaker with ice, then pour a generous amount of vermouth into the shaker and shake vigorously. Pour out the vermouth, but keep the ice in. Now add your 2 shots, shake and serve. The vermouth remaining on the ice is just enough to make this heavenly concoction. But don't try explaining it to a bartender, unless you like the idea of living your life with a limp.
Smoothness: 2
Fuck-upness: 5
Vodka Tonic
2 shots vodka
Tonic to taste
Serve over ice
No. Just, no. Smoothness: 0
Fuck-upness: 5
Whiskey
This is the liquor of men. Not just because it tastes awful, but because it doesn't taste as awful as gin, which is the liquor of Irish. Men as a whole are smarter than Irish. And they choose this harsh distillate. There are many preferences on whiskey, but I recommend any bourbon. This is whiskey that is made from 51% corn mash, which makes the whiskey sweeter. Jim Beam and Wild Turkey are good bourbon, but my favorite is Maker's Mark. The wax cover is fun to play with and looks damn cool.
Smoothness: 0
Fuck-upness: 5
Whisky Sour
2 shots whisky
Country Time Lemonade to taste
Serve over ice
This has a little more oomph than its amaretto cousin, but is still pretty smooth. Serve this to women who want to look like hardcore boozers, but just aren't up to the task. Also good for lightweight men who have mocked the amaretto sour, and want a little more from their liquor. Garnish theirs with a kick in the head.
Smoothness: 4
Fuck-upness: 4
White Russian
1 shot vodka
1 shot Kahlua
Cream to taste
Serve over ice
This tamer version of the infamous Black Russian is a nice drink if you skipped lunch. It is heavy. And by heavy I mean Seok-in-a-lead-jumpsuit heavy. This drink will fuck you up, but you have to really try. I can never drink more than one and even then it's more than I want. I switch to Stevotinis fast.
Smoothness: 4
Fuck-upness: 1
Bush likes to talk about accepting responsibility for one's actions. Since the US is a huge greenhouse case emitter and currently derives enormous financial and economic benefits from cheap energy, if greenhouse gasses cause a massive shift in climate, the US will be willing to accept responsibility for its share and pay trillions of dollars annually to other nations who are frozen, parched, or flooded, right? (If nothing is going to happen, as the Bush administration contends, there is nothing to worry about...)
Please, please, there's no need to thank us. We're just trying to bring airconditioning to you poor sweaty 3rd worlders. Pew, you stink.
It'll wipe out a bunch of niggers and members of other lazy races.
As you can tell, the non-Ice Age time is an aberration, not the norm.
i iiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiii.....(x400)
If the night was this long:
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
The period from sunrise till now is this long
i
As you can tell, this "daylight" thing is an aberration, not the norm.
We are supposed to be heading into global warming, aren't we? That's what all the "experts" say....