Slashdot Mirror
Resume Tips For Jobs
JerseyTom writes "SAGEWire reports that with the economy speeding
up, more and more people
are freshening up their
resumés. They've printed an article by Tom
Limoncelli, co-author of TPoSaNA, that offers specific advice for geeks writing resumes." 'Course, I'm not sure how much I believe the economy speeding up - but still good information.,
Last time I had to update my CV, it took about a week in order to get all my skills in an easy to read, yet eye-catching format.
:)
I never realised all I had to write was
404 Error; Page not found.
Right then, lets send this baby off
What economy are they referring to? Certainly not the American economy...
"Ask not what your country can do for you." --John F. Kennedy
1: I'm not sure I agree with you. I would think that any prospective employer would be thrilled to know about my stamp collecting, model car building, awards for being a top notch bird caller, and my highly developed talent in the fine art of taxidermy. I think they would see that that makes a highly dynamic and professional person. But your right. My unhealthy infatuation with Stanley Kubrick might be a bit overboard.
2. Yeah, I've made that mistake. Aparently "In 10 years I hope to be dating your daughter, forcing her to have childern and selling them to white slavery rings" is just too ambitious for a future boss on a resume. I've switched that to 'I hope to finally finish the original Zork in 2 years'.
3. I'll try to remember.
The Internet is generally stupid
you can always add "did volunteer work rating messages submitted to a public web site. Work involved reading posted comments, deciding quality and relevance of posting, and moderating accordingly. Also did oversight work rating moderators performance."
or
"managed a wide area information distribution network involving the exchange of compressed aural and adult entertainment products. Work involved maintenance of clandistine anti-detection systems and frequent network reconfigurations for various Internet service providers".
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
I'm getting laid off today...
"Slashdot Reader" is probably a bad thing to put on your CV as a "hobby". I'd imagine (...whistle... makes sure boss aint around...) that alot of people spend alot of time on slashdot.
"Slashdot Poster" is probably a v.bad thing to put on your CV... unless you've got alot of karma.
Indicating your Slashdot Karma level on your CV (Character Recordsheet) is probably a good thing... but this also implies Slashdot poster... which is a good thing... but it implies that you're a slashdot reader... so you're buggered.
I'll probably get modded down as flamebait for this. Have at ye fowl moderator.
Want to look good to the idiots in HR? LIE. And I mean LIE. I've seen H1Bs and absolute total slackers (high-school dropouts, even) do it for years, and they get some pretty cushy jobs.
Do you have more years experience in a language/program than it existed? Yes, you do have 9 years of Java experience and 550,000 lines of code written, 15 years of HTML, 4 years of Windows 2000 Professional, etc.
Did you never graduate, or even go to college? No problem -- just put on your resume that you graduated with a BS in CS from RIT, Georgia Tech, or whereever.
Lie liberally -- the companies hardly check anything unless you're going to be CTO or something, and if they do find out you're lying, it's not like you're going to get arrested; simply move on until you find a company that buys it.
- I got laid
from my resume.Oops, you said "laid off". Never mind.
You have 2-4 inches to catch someone's eye...
Please note: the preceding tip would not be applicable if you are applying for a position (ahem) as "Male Porn Actor."
PDHoss
======================================
Writers get in shape by pumping irony.
Don't overdo your resume either, or else you will look like a moron with absolutely no credibility...
At my company we run Exchange 5.5 and all resumes are sent to a public folder. We just went through a lay off. So just in case I needed some tips I copied the entire public folder into my personal folders in MS Outlook. You should be able to do the same thing in Lotus Notes or any other email system where resumes are sent to a central location.
My three advices
/. effect than make sure you put that down on your resume.
/. team: next time you may want to send a friendly reminder to the site that is about to be /. so that they can prepare.
Speaking of advices, here are mines:
1) Advice to IT people: if you can build me a website that can handle a
2) Advice to SAGEWire IT people: your website site needs some tune up.
3) Advice to Hemos and
Karma stuck at 50? Add 2-5 inches.. err.. 2-5x Karmas Count to your pen1es.. err.. Karma all naturally and private
I can't tell you how many resume's we see that have *gross* spelling errors or serious grammar issues.
Does that include not knowing how to construct the plurals of words that end in vowels?
(Hint: it doesn't involve apostrophes (not apostrophe's))
Piss off.
Better yet, write your resume in green and purple crayon...
I can't tell you how many resume's [sic] we see that have *gross* spelling errors or serious grammar issues.
Plus, we get a ton of resume's [sic] without cover letters.
People aren't handing jobs out anymore and there's alot [sic] of competition for them now, even for really qualified and experienced people, so that means you have to compete for the job, which also means you have to actually put effort in to [sic] getting it.
Is this supposed to be humorous, or are you just a manager?
everybody hates job-hunting, so my advice is to make it like a role playing game. you "roll up" a resume and send it off to do battle with various hr creeps. if you "win" (get the job) you gain some experience and skills that you add to your character.
/dev/urandom
right now my resume looks like this:
name: frymaster
class: paladin (web)
level: 6
alignment:
str: 12
int: 16
wis: 15
dex: 17
char: 9
hp: 45
bonuses:
+9 vs. enterprise applications
+4 vs. venture capitalists
spells:
exercise stock options
exorcise stock options
dispell windows
summon libraries
banish end user
read documentation
evangelize
skills:
hide in office (+20)
comment code (+10 elvish)
languages:
java, php, elvish
2 1337 4 u!
An engineering friend of mine is trying a different approach. Rather than learning to smile better, lie better, and shave better, he is using technology itself:
He is putting a timed spring on the back of his resume. (Actually, it is kind of a flipper, penguin-like even.) When they toss his resume in the trash, it pops back out onto the top of the desk at night. It has multiple reloads so that it can pop back out multiple times.
If it works, I am going to buy a set.
Table-ized A.I.
Resume Tips For Jobs
Here I was, thinking Steve had quit and needed help on his resume!
I had so many good suggestions, too!
Murphy was an optimist.
For those in the audience using anything more advanced than 7 bit ASCII, the correct spelling is résumé.