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Government Web Sites Are Not for the Incumbents
Hal Plotkin has a column pointing out a severe deficiency in how the U.S. government handles web sites - they are often designed more to promote current office-holders than to conduct governmental affairs. The practice of using official resources for partisan political purposes is not new - the big rush actually hit about 3-4 years ago - but we could make such better use of the web, if only...
So, you've always wanted to be a troll? Good choice. Trolling slashdot is a fun hobby. Let's deal with the basics first:
1. What is trolling?
Trolling is the art of pissing of people with too much free time, namely moderators. It's a highly amusing sport. A sucessful troll can cause tons of havoc.
2. Sound good. How do I troll?
The best trolls are somewhat subtle. For instance, posting "linux sucks!" and you will be immediently modded down. A smart troll might post
"Linux on the desktop is simply not an option right now. It's simply too hard to use. Forget what the typical microsoft hating linux zeolot says - the truth is linux is not a viable alternitive".
The above post is longer, and not a blatent troll. While it will piss off the typical long haired hippie it might even be modded up as insightful!
3. Hmm. Can you give me any tips on my first troll?
Certainly. Don't post typical troll phrases such as "Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!" or include a link to goats.cx. These are far too obvious, and will be modded down without comment. Likewise, whilst gettng first post is fun, don't say fp! I suggest using a little imagination, such as setting up a free redirector (like cjb.net) to point to goats.cx. Try and make the site relevant too the story, such as "Joe MIT hacker making his XOR gate out of water is pretty cool, but it's been done before here . Most moderators are lazy and won't click the link. Chances are you will be modded up as insightful.
4. Any other dirty tricks?
Sure, there's plenty. Whenever anyone includes a link, follow up and say 'Don't click here! it's a goats.cx link!' this will earn you karma whilst getting the sucker modded down. Another one: When the site featured in the story gets slashdotted, claim you have a mirror. Give the IP address of goats.cx as the mirror.
5. What should I avoid doing?
Please *don't* post stuff incolving disturbing sexial experiences of comments. We don't want to hear about what you did with a dog last week, nor why michael (the editor) does with 5 pounds of ice and a shovel a day. Not only is it sick but you give all trolls a bad name. Also, speaking in l337 makes you look like a teenage acne scarred moron. Finally, think carefully before you troll. You are trying to cause havoc. This will not happen if you are modded down within 30 seconds of posting. be subtle.
Have fun, and remember: trolling is an honorable sport.
1. Legislation
2. Registration
3. Confiscation
4. EXTERMINATION
Buy a handgun today! Piss off a liberal!
I first remember seeing my pretty little sister without clothes when I was about six years old. (Although I always call her my 'little' sister, she is actually a year older than me - but smaller!) The news on TV had been full of a story about a woman who had received a heart transplant. This meant nothing to me, of course, but I asked Dad, and he explained it to me, very simply. The next day we played doctors and nurses, except my sister, Pat, had to be the patient rather than a nurse. Being a patient meant taking off all her clothes and lying on the bed while I pretended to operate on her. I worked out that to put someone else's heart into her, a cut from her groin to her neck would be needed, and I remember fiddling about pretending to make the cut. It needed special adjustments of my pretend scalpel (my finger) at the start of the 'cut' - between her legs. Anyway, she survived the situation, I discovered model railways and she discovered dolls, and we forgot all about it. After this, there were odd occasions, inevitable in a small house, like meeting up as she left the bathroom and ran to her room. Mostly, though, we ignored each other, although family honour demanded I defend her against any insult, real or imagined, which might come her way in the playground. Eventually, of course, we grew through our teens into our early twenties, by which time we were good friends, but certainly not involved even slightly on a sexual plane. I tell you this because you will then realise just how strange my (our) story really is.
... what if I took her cherry? But how?
One day, Pat brought her latest boyfriend, Kevin, home. Before this, I had either ignored her boyfriends, or liked them. With this one I could do neither. To be as kind to him as possible, he was a self-opinionated bully. But he could be charming, and he was certainly good-looking. However, neither of these explains my sister's lack of judgement in seeing him. But worse was to follow - they became engaged to be married. The full blown engagement thing - rings, gifts, setting the date for the wedding, the lot. Then I found out something else about him - his family are rich - loaded! That explained a bit more about what Pat saw in him. But only a bit.
The thing which finally convinced me he was a total nothing was when he invited me out for a drink. I went, for her sake, trying to maintain a facade of friendliness towards him. He maintained a facade of 'all boys together' and kept up flow of one-sided conversation about his previous conquests - a regular Don Juan he'd been, if you believed him. Every now and then he would assure me that this was all in the past - now he had met Pat, he was a changed man. Changed man, my arse!! Then he got onto the subject of the wedding. How much he was looking forward to it. How lucky he was to have won a girl so wonderful as my sister. How he knew she was 'pure' (his word) and what a night they would have on their wedding night. All this with a leer on his poxy face. I wanted to throw up. And hit him! In any order!
Especially distressing was the thought that he was going to be the one to take Pat's virginity. This made me feel ill just to think of it - I could imagine the scene, with his gross cock penetrating her and filling her, making her cry out with pain, and then leaving her with a grunt, his own pleasure accomplished, with no thought for hers. But the thought made me cry out in pain too, and I decided it was not going to happen. Not like that. So I began to plan how I could kill; him and get away with it. Then, I realised, there was another way
Since I was at university, opportunities were scarce, and it seemed one would not arrive before the wedding. However, I invited her down to stay for a weekend, and to my delight, she accepted. I began to lay my plans. First, I checked and found that the nearest girl's hall of residence was full that weekend. Since it was the night of the student ball, I was not surprised. I rang Pat and told her, but she said she was happy to stay in my flat. So far, so good......(cont)
figures, I finally get a chance to post one of the first 10 on a slashdot article to help out my poor karma and it ends up being a friday night when im totally sloshed....
High dollar trailer trash.
Come on now, you bring shame to the trailer trash name.