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Nanotech Paints For Military

pmacwill wrote to us with a recent article on Pennet in regards to the U.S. military's proposed use of nanotech paints. Actually, it goes beyond proposal -- and beyond paint, as it would allow vehicles to change camo patterns very easily, and would also repair micro-cracks and fractures without the need for service.

48 of 365 comments (clear)

  1. cool beans by p_rotator · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm waiting for nanotech tattoo ink. Illustrated Man, here we come.

    1. Re:cool beans by dubiousmike · · Score: 5, Funny

      I am actually waiting for the radar sucking paint they use on stealth bombers for my car.

      No more speeding tickets for me!!

    2. Re: cool beans by Black+Parrot · · Score: 3, Funny


      > actually, it's a combo of the paint, the material that the painted object is made out of and the angle of the object to the radar source that make it stealthy. Now a jammer, THERE's the ticket buster....

      Just mount a coffee can on your fender, pack it full of shredded aluminum foil and gunpowder, wire your radar detector to set it off, and you can slip through the speed trap in a cloud of chaff.

      --
      Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
  2. Need to read slower... by Anonymous+Cowtard · · Score: 4, Funny
    I thought it said "Nanotech Pants For Military"

    Needless to say, I was rather befuddled on the benefits of really small pants to the Army.

    1. Re:Need to read slower... by bricriu · · Score: 3, Funny

      I read the exact same thing. I, however, thought nanotech pants would be normal-sized, but endowed with several standard sci-fi add-ons... enhanced speed, adaptive camoflage, and, most importantly, "evacuation reclamation" for material replentishment. I mean, who wouldn't want to be able to piss bullets for real?

      --

      AHHHHHHH! I'm burning with goodness again!
      - Reakk, Sluggy Freelance

    2. Re:Need to read slower... by red_dragon · · Score: 4, Funny

      Whoa. Interesting. Just think of the advertisements for consumer products based on this:

      Dockers Nanotech Pants: Because Women Want More From You

      --
      In Soviet Russia, Jesus asks: "What Would You Do?"
    3. Re:Need to read slower... by ptomblin · · Score: 5, Funny

      '"Digital Pants" or "Smarty Pants" are an important part of our future strategy.'

      Now I'll sit back and wait for somebody to spot the reference and correct any errors I made.

      --
      The next Cmdr Taco duplicate will be ready soon, but subscribers can beat the rush and see it early!
    4. Re:Need to read slower... by EverDense · · Score: 2, Funny

      Piss razor blades perhaps?
      Oh no, that would be the navy after a stop-over in Thailand.

      --
      http://jesus.everdense.com/
    5. Re:Need to read slower... by Hadlock · · Score: 2, Funny

      how about shit a brick?

      :)

      --
      moox. for a new generation.
    6. Re:Need to read slower... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      That's what I don't get, when you are picking up a whore, no matter where you are, why wouldn't you use a condom?

      I know I was talking to some crack head while wandering the streets of Ft. Lauderdale at 3AM. He was telling me about this whore he liked. He really wanted to cum inside her, but she wouldn't let him. I asked him why, he said he really didn't like to cum in a condom. I stopped, not wanting to try to figure out the logic of what a crack head was saying. But just posed the quesion, "why didn't you just cum on her tits then?" He revealed that is exactly what he ended up doing.

      Later as we walked we came to a Win Dixie. He found sitting on the window ledge a half smoked cigarette. He asked me if I thought it would be okay to smoke. I replied, "sure I don't think the owner will see you taking it, and it may have been there for days, and the person just forgot it." He told me he didn't care about that, he was more worried about getting germs from it.

  3. NOO!!! Nano paint by luckybob83 · · Score: 2, Funny

    That just adds more headaches for me and the other mechanics in the Army

    --
    If there is nothing left worth living, what are you willing to die for?
  4. "What we hope this coating can do is amazing." by ThrasherTT · · Score: 2, Funny

    What I hope the Playstation 3 can do is amazing. However, that means exactly jack shit in terms of reality. I really wish we could get news of some real advancements, rather than PR announcements of new research projects.

    --

    All Your Memory Are Belong To Java
  5. War applications by alim · · Score: 3, Funny

    Now I can run red-lights! And you'll never see me!!! Muahahaa!

  6. Nanotech pants? by Plutor · · Score: 3, Funny

    Why the army would want microscopic pants is beyond me..

  7. Can't wait for this to be demilitarized. by cybermace5 · · Score: 5, Funny

    It's the dream of every geek and habitual speeder out there: car paint jobs that change at the tap of a button.

    If the paint is active as well, I'd like to see how well it does combating rust 24/7.

    Imagine...driving along and you decide you want a red car...or maybe a black car...or how about zebra stripes.

    Or maybe a lot of huge rust spots, for when you're asking for money ;-)

    --
    ...
    1. Re:Can't wait for this to be demilitarized. by mustangdavis · · Score: 5, Funny

      Better yet, hook up the body of your car to your stereo's EQ!! Hopefully the paint can react to different electric charges that your EQ can send through it. This way, not only do you save money by not having to purchase a really cool looking LED EQ, but now even deaf people know when you're thumping down the street!

    2. Re:Can't wait for this to be demilitarized. by girish · · Score: 2, Funny

      oh, jeez, we are gonna have those crazy people, like the people who use blink in html, paint their cars in this stuff and have it change colors randomly and go blinking down the highway... man, that would be a nightmare..

  8. A Slight Alteration. by Madsci · · Score: 2, Funny

    This article is 10 times more amusing if you replace "paints" with pants. Try it, you'll see. Nanotechnology pants for all! I am so drunk.

    --
    Your paranoia is about as subtle as the alien probe in your neck.
  9. Excellent.. by grub · · Score: 2, Funny


    If it is as good at filling cracks as they say, Phyllis Diller could certainly use some.

    --
    Trolling is a art,
  10. Paint Wars by sssmashy · · Score: 3, Funny
    Vehicle operators might quickly change the camouflage paint scheme on vehicles with "smart" coatings with an electrical impulse, Battista explains. "What we hope this coating can do is amazing. We're also looking at making it seem invisible."

    Of course, there's always the danger than an enemy might be able to "hack" the smart paints by zapping vehicles with electrical impulses of their own.

    "What's going on, Sarge? The color of our tank just changed to hot pink! Mayday! Mayday!"

  11. Re:Sounds great by Tenebrious1 · · Score: 3, Funny

    but in a few years, it'll trickle into the main stream...

    In a few years? I bet we see spammers selling nanotech paint within a few weeks!

    --
    -- If god wanted me to have a sig, he'd have given me a sense of humor.
  12. DURTA? by DAldredge · · Score: 2, Funny

    I am pretty sure that a physical vapor deposition machine would harm living tissue...

  13. Depends on the construction of the device. by mmol_6453 · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they're electrically powered, then, yes, there'd be EM radiation.

    If they're chemically powered, the only people who could see them would be environmentalists.

    --
    What's this Submit thingy do?
  14. Pentagon and $10m hammers by ruzel · · Score: 2, Funny

    "As a result, Army leaders estimate the total cost for U.S. Department of Defense corrosion-related problems at $10 billion per year -- $2 billion of which is related to painting and paint-scraping operations. "

    Thankfully, the research, development, and manufacturing of nanotech robots for the first deployment will only cost $40 billion, thus saving the DOD... uh, well, nevermind.
    ______________

  15. Excellent by idfrsr · · Score: 5, Funny

    Soon we will have transformer type vehicules that I have dreamed about

    Of course, if these machines could be hacked, just imagine all the fun and mayhem that could be caused...

    "Soldier, look at your tank, that's not camoflauge!"

    soldier turns and reads on the now hot pink armour: "you've been H4x0red by Cowboy Neal"

    --
    "The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away" -Tom Waits
  16. Potentially bad situation by Waab · · Score: 4, Funny

    Heaven help the crew of the first tank to have its nano-tech coating go BSOD.

    1. Re:Potentially bad situation by Winged+Cat · · Score: 3, Funny

      "Our tank just went BSOD, and rolled about a quarter mile off the beach before the motor died. The good news is, no one can see us - it's a good match for the local waters - and the hatches jammed closed so we didn't have to worry about bailing out. The bad news is, no one can see us, not even the rescue crews, and we're starting to run out of air in here."

  17. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by Gorm+the+DBA · · Score: 5, Funny
    Good thing this is the Army and not the Navy, or else the old "If it moves, salute it, if it doesn't move, paint it gray" motto would be right out the window!

    Of course...I believe the Army has the same motto...save for the global search and replace of Green for Gray

  18. Two words by iastor · · Score: 4, Funny

    duct tape and cuddlefish

    Okay...four but who's counting?

    iastor

    "Remember your weapon was made by the lowest bidder."

    1. Re:Two words by psoriac · · Score: 2, Funny

      What are cuddlefish, the "safe for children under the age of 5" version of cuttlefish?

      --
      I browse Slashdot at +3, Funny
  19. As the saying goes by Ilan+Volow · · Score: 3, Funny

    And suddenly the expression "It's as fun as watching paint dry" takes on a whole new meaning.

    --
    Ergonomica Auctorita Illico!
  20. Potential for human rights abuses by vaxer · · Score: 4, Funny
    Actually, it goes beyond proposal -- and beyond paint, as it would allow vehicles to change camo patterns very easily
    ...and Bob Hope could stand in for the missing stripper at the USO show.

    My God, people, *we* *have* *gone* *too* *far*.
  21. Re:uses by _ph1ux_ · · Score: 4, Funny

    the only problem is getting that paintbrush in those little hard to reach areas - like the heart.

  22. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    "[...] it shouldn't be that difficult," she says.

    Famous last words.

  23. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by Helmholtz+Coil · · Score: 5, Funny

    Well, the Navy's current favourite paint-replacement is the applique, basically like a plastic wallpaper for planes and ships. Pretty easy to apply, very good weight advantages (paint can account for 800 lbs. on an average fighter because of all the repaints). 'Course, they haven't figured out how to get it off completely yet...the last I saw the scheme was to use lasers and dry ice to alternately heat and cool the applique until it basically flaked off.

    Humph. Lasers and dry ice. Throw in a couple of dancers and you could sell tickets.
  24. Imagine a case mod of this by bramez · · Score: 3, Funny

    "I am sure I put it somewhere over here." CLUNK! "Ohw!"

  25. Can this really be true? by beaverfever · · Score: 3, Funny
    As a result, Army leaders estimate the total cost for U.S. Department of Defense corrosion-related problems at $10 billion per year -- $2 billion of which is related to painting and paint-scraping operations.

    Could this possibly be true or just a hyper-inflated figure to help sell/make the idea of bleeding-edge tech coatings seem realistic and feasible?

    I mean, come on... $2 billion a year just for painting and paint removal? What are they doing? Hiring only the most intelligent and beautiful virginal labourers to paint tanks with paint made from elements only found in asteroids, using fine, #10 ultra-sable brushes, gently scraping paint off with custom made, solid gold, diamond tipped scrapers?

    jeez...

  26. No. How would this product make your life easier? by Havokmon · · Score: 3, Funny
    It's the dream of every geek and habitual speeder out there: car paint jobs that change at the tap of a button.

    I can't believe you'd think of cars... You've obviously never had your wife do any painting.

    I'd love to just have all the woodwork looking like wood again at the touch of a button.

    --
    "I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma" - The Great Oz (blatently stolen sig)
  27. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by mr_z_beeblebrox · · Score: 2, Funny

    Unless they work up a nanopaint formula that's meant to be applied to rocks in the company area

    For anyone who doubts him, this comment alone proves he is genuinely involved with the military. ;-)

  28. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by florescent_beige · · Score: 2, Funny
    Reduction: 5000 truck painters

    New Requisition for: 143,000,000,000 nanotech machine mechanics.

    --
    Equine Mammals Are Considerably Smaller
  29. DARPA by SEWilco · · Score: 3, Funny
    Ever hear of DARPA? Ever use any of their inventions? (Hint: think Al Gore.)

    No, I never used Al Gore. They should have worked on him some more before releasing him.

    1. Re:DARPA by plover · · Score: 4, Funny
      Hey, I *invented* Al Gore.

      :-)

      --
      John
  30. Haxor meets grafitti ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hmm - I can just see it - enemy hackers attach US military by compromising their tactical networks and command all ordanence to change to international orange.

    Or reprogram the nanotechs to start eating whatever they are painted on.

    Not to mention 'future war' syndrome where people inhale nanotech particles emitted when dislodged by bullets and turn up green in more ways than one.

  31. Re:Because you know they're going to get slashdott by Fat+Casper · · Score: 5, Funny
    Of course...I believe the Army has the same motto...

    No, in the Army we only salute people that we want snipers to hit. And it seems that people who want salutes are the ones we already want to salute...

    --
    I spent a year in Iraq looking for WMD and all I found was this lousy sig.
  32. Re:How about dynamic camo? by rat7307 · · Score: 3, Funny

    magine connecting the nontech-based paint job to the vehicle's speedometer. As the vehicle moves, the camo pattern could scroll at the same speed in the opposite direction. In the proper environment, this could make the vehicle difficult to spot when moving, since the observer's eyes would be presented with data not normally present in nature.

    Screw that, make my car jet black and as i speed up, make all the leading edges start to glow like an SR71 plane (or shuttle on re-entry).....

    How cool would that be????

    --
    Burma?
  33. Re:Paints and camouflage by Vaystrem · · Score: 3, Funny

    perhaps the best part about it is that it sounds suspiciously similar to the "SEP" (Somebody Elses' Problem) field from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

  34. Invisible Paint by Idarubicin · · Score: 3, Funny
    "What we hope this coating can do is amazing. We're also looking at making it seem invisible." . . . A prototype "smart" coating may be developed as early as 2005, she says.

    Oooo. Invisible paint. For billions of dollars.

    Can I sell anyone an $800 hammer before some dumb little kid says, "Look Mommy! That tank isn't wearing any paint!"

    --
    ~Idarubicin
  35. And that's not all... by Eric+Damron · · Score: 2, Funny

    "Actually, it goes beyond proposal -- and beyond paint, as it would allow vehicles to change camo patterns very easily, and would also repair micro-cracks and fractures without the need for service."

    And crabs won't be the only thing our boys will have to worry about when overseas!

    "Don't ride on top of that tank son or you'll be ichin' lick crazy tonight. You'll wake up with one hell of a tattoo and your butt sowed shut."

    --
    The race isn't always to the swift... but that's the way to bet!