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Hacking Crime Victims to Remain Secret

Posted by CowboyNeal on from the security-through-obscurity dept.

outlier writes "The AP is reporting that federal law enforcement agencies are offering to keep the names of companies that have been victims of major cracking crimes secret. The goal is to encourage victims to come forward, so that the government can 'prosecute cases while at the same time achieving the kinds of protection and addressing the concern that the business community rightly has.'" My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.

15 of 179 comments (clear)

  1. Favorite Part by bdesham · · Score: 5, Funny
    My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.
    Why is that? Because it's spelled wrong?

    ;)
    --
    Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
    1. Re:Favorite Part by meringuoid · · Score: 5, Funny
      My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.

      Why is that? Because it's spelled wrong?

      Well, more because an amorphous mass of FBI-flesh writhing obscenely and pulsating as it flows in a continuous stream through your office door can sometimes be distressing. The new method of FBI agents arriving as discrete individuals is far more friendly.

      --
      Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building.
    2. Re:Favorite Part by ReelOddeeo · · Score: 3, Funny
      My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.
      Why is that? Because it's spelled wrong?

      No, because it means no black helicopters circling.
      --

      Those who would give up liberty in exchange for security and DRM should switch to Microsoft Palladium!
    3. Re:Favorite Part by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      What, will they be wearing sun glasses with that black jacket with big yellow letters on the back that spells out F B I ???

      Hi, I am Special Agent Foo and this Special Agent Bar. We are from the government and are here to help.

      Uh, huh!

  2. Agents will arrive discretely? Great! by seldolivaw · · Score: 5, Funny

    You mean they used to arrive all lumped together? No wonder people got upset!

    Learn to spell, guys...

    1. Re:Agents will arrive discretely? Great! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, it beats having them arrive continuously.

  3. FBI! THIS is a BUST by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    No...
    THIS (o)(o)
    is a bust

    -Fedreral Breast Infect0rz

  4. Men in Black! by Black+Parrot · · Score: 5, Funny


    > My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.

    The guys in black trenchcoats? Uh, those are our network consultants. Yeah, network consultants.

    --
    Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    1. Re:Men in Black! by The+Dobber · · Score: 3, Funny


      No, SEC investigators

  5. Protect the hackers, too! by Devil's+BSD · · Score: 4, Funny

    Maybe the courts should just start calling the parties H4X0R and H4X0R3D...

    --
    I'm the Devil the Windows users warned you about.
  6. Double sceret arrest by banzai51 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Hi. We're from the FBI. You're under arrest for hacking. We cannot disclose what you did or who you hacked. Just jump into our jail.

  7. Ahhh Security through Obsurity! by Cytlid · · Score: 4, Funny

    Isn't this sort of like the family who's teenage daughter gets pregnant and they don't want anyone to know because "what will the neighbors say?!?!"?

    --
    FLR
  8. Triple Sceret Arrest by ackthpt · · Score: 5, Funny
    "Hi. We're from an agency of a government

    don't tell them that!

    What, the bit about an agency or a government?

    any of it!

    Right. You're under arrest for hacking.

    don't tell them what they're under arrest for!

    We can't just arrest them, can we?

    we do it all the time!

    But that's what morally corrupt dictatorships do and we're not one of those, we're from a democracy, right?

    oh, great, next you'll give the whole thing about where we are from away, just why don't you wave the flag, show 'em a picture of your mom and ask if they'd like some apple pie! fer chrissake!

    Ok, we cannot disclose who you are, what you did or who you did it to, who we are, what we are here for, what you may or may not be charged with, where we are taking you or anything else. We're not even sure if we are at the right address, but just come with us.

    quietly.

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
  9. The Men in Black by pommaq · · Score: 3, Funny

    My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.

    - Yes. I've been looking for you, Neo. I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They're coming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do.
    - Who's coming for me?
    - Stand up and see for yourself.
    - What, right now?
    - Yes, now. Do it slowly. The elevator.

  10. "Arriving Discreetly" by duck_prime · · Score: 5, Funny
    From the eds:
    My favorite part is how FBI agents will now "discretely" arrive at victims' offices.
    They can pretend that they're showing up to arrest the CFO. Pretty good cover these days...