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Global Warming will Open Northwest Passage
Makarand writes "For the most part we dread global warming. However, some
experts from the U.S. Arctic Research Commission, studying the polar ice caps,
are now pointing out
some of the advantageous side effects of global warming.
They are predicting
that in 5 to 10 summers from now the
polar ice caps would disappear for around 2 months each year
opening up the fabled Northwest passage for commercial
shipping. This would effectively reduce the shipping
distance between Europe and Asia by 6800 miles compared to the route
using the Panama canal."
I tried it. Didn't work.
can we start farting?
The Führer of the Unites States Adolf Bush.
You seem to be new here. The first post culture requires your posts to be first, maybe second, third, if you totally fail.
One of the perpetual needs of the average male is sex, but sadly most women
are reluctant to give in to this on the first date. This guide will tell
you step by step, how to ensure that you get her into bed.
THE DATE
--------
Take her to a restaurant, somewhere nice but cheap. I'd advice someplace
close to home, because if all goes well, you will want to get her home as
quickly as possible, before she escapes, err.. changes her mind.
Dress for the occasion. Wear clothes that mask the real you, that being
wear a suit, or something. You want to get her to believe that you are a
gentlemen, as opposed to a sex crazed maniac, the latter being the real you.
Take her flowers. Something so cheap, but such a powerful weapon. If you
don't want to pay for some, steal them. Anyone can pull some flowers out
of their nextdoor neighbour's yard.
Preparation is the key to success, so before leaving, put the following in
your car (just in case): A strong nylon rope, a balaclava, a sharp
Wiltshire stay sharp filleting knife (preferably with a brown handle), a
copy of "Solider of Fortune" magazine, and a walkman. It would also be a
good idea to pack a large polythene bag as well, and maybe some bricks to
match it.
ON THE DATE
-----------
Whilst on the date, you must be polite. Try and trick the bitch into
believing that you are honest, kind, considerate of others, and a "new
age" male. Get her believing this and you are half way there to getting the
slag in the bag.
Talk about things of culture, music, art, theatre. Don't talk about things
like "The time you bit the head of your mother's budgie", "Or how you
murdered a million tibetan monks, but we're excused because you were a
freemason", or "How many men you killed in Vietnam". No, ladies don't like
that sort of talk, despite the fact it is far more interesting. Tell them
about how you are a fan of good music, and have a great record collection.
Make sure you gear everything you say around their interests. If you find
out that she is a fan of "The National Bulgarian Potplant Orchestra", tell
her you have got all their albums at home, and maybe one day she could come
over and have a look (at the records).
Use humour, be funny and make her laugh. While she is laughing, you can
order more drinks. The more intoxicated you get her, the better. Aim to
have her vomiting bilious fluid by the end of the night and success is
assured. Don't order beer, order expensive wines. Ladies like wine, and
if you pour drinks at a 4:1 ratio, you should only be tipsy by the nights
end.
As the night progresses, slowly but steadily, start telling her how much
you like her, and how much you have in common. Women love this sort of
crap. Act like you mean it, and she will be putty in your sweaty hands.
Don't go overboard though and start licking her feet, but pay her lots of
subtle compliments.
Towards the end of the night, tell how you would really like to see her
again. By now, she should be totally pissed. If not, tell her anyway. It
is now time to play the final card. Tell her that she is too pissed to
drive, and so you'll take her home.
Stop off at your house, and invite her inside for a coffee. Hopefully, she
will accept, if not then it's time to get mean. Remember, fear and threats
the greatest aphrodisiac. If she refuses, try and convince her with words.
If words fail, lock the doors. Central locking is beaut for this. She will
probably get scared and start screaming now. If not now, then she probably
will when you begin to rape her. Take the nylon rope and tie her neck to the
headrest. Do it tightly in a slipknot, so that the more she moves, the more
she'll choke. Rip off her dress, and taking the knife in one hand hold it
to her. Then get on top of her, and rape her. You should be able to take
it from here.
Once you're done and you've told her how good she was. Give a kiss, and
tell her how much you'd like to see her, and maybe even her family, again.
Then take the knife and kill her. Put her body in the bag and dump it
somewhere, a good place being in X-Club, the nightclub in King Street
Melbourne, because no-one ever goes there.
If she decides to come into your home, you have won. Shut the door behind
her, then take out the knife. It is your house, and you are a male, so it
should be no problem to bash the fuck out of the bitch and then rape her.
Aim to knock her unconscious, but not into a coma. In case you didn't know,
a woman's cunt tenses up in a coma, and thus entry may be difficult.
Once done, discard of her. A dead bitch is environmentally friendly, so
have no hesitation in burying her someplace. Your backyard? Why not.
One of the perpetual needs of the average male is sex, but sadly most women
are reluctant to give in to this on the first date. This guide will tell
you step by step, how to ensure that you get her into bed.
THE DATE
--------
Take her to a restaurant, somewhere nice but cheap. I'd advice someplace
close to home, because if all goes well, you will want to get her home as
quickly as possible, before she escapes, err.. changes her mind.
Dress for the occasion. Wear clothes that mask the real you, that being
wear a suit, or something. You want to get her to believe that you are a
gentlemen, as opposed to a sex crazed maniac, the latter being the real you.
Take her flowers. Something so cheap, but such a powerful weapon. If you
don't want to pay for some, steal them. Anyone can pull some flowers out
of their nextdoor neighbour's yard.
Preparation is the key to success, so before leaving, put the following in
your car (just in case): A strong nylon rope, a balaclava, a sharp
Wiltshire stay sharp filleting knife (preferably with a brown handle), a
copy of "Solider of Fortune" magazine, and a walkman. It would also be a
good idea to pack a large polythene bag as well, and maybe some bricks to
match it.
ON THE DATE
-----------
Whilst on the date, you must be polite. Try and trick the bitch into
believing that you are honest, kind, considerate of others, and a "new
age" male. Get her believing this and you are half way there to getting the
slag in the bag.
Talk about things of culture, music, art, theatre. Don't talk about things
like "The time you bit the head of your mother's budgie", "Or how you
murdered a million tibetan monks, but we're excused because you were a
freemason", or "How many men you killed in Vietnam". No, ladies don't like
that sort of talk, despite the fact it is far more interesting. Tell them
about how you are a fan of good music, and have a great record collection.
Make sure you gear everything you say around their interests. If you find
out that she is a fan of "The National Bulgarian Potplant Orchestra", tell
her you have got all their albums at home, and maybe one day she could come
over and have a look (at the records).
Use humour, be funny and make her laugh. While she is laughing, you can
order more drinks. The more intoxicated you get her, the better. Aim to
have her vomiting bilious fluid by the end of the night and success is
assured. Don't order beer, order expensive wines. Ladies like wine, and
if you pour drinks at a 4:1 ratio, you should only be tipsy by the nights
end.
As the night progresses, slowly but steadily, start telling her how much
you like her, and how much you have in common. Women love this sort of
crap. Act like you mean it, and she will be putty in your sweaty hands.
Don't go overboard though and start licking her feet, but pay her lots of
subtle compliments.
Towards the end of the night, tell how you would really like to see her
again. By now, she should be totally pissed. If not, tell her anyway. It
is now time to play the final card. Tell her that she is too pissed to
drive, and so you'll take her home.
Stop off at your house, and invite her inside for a coffee. Hopefully, she
will accept, if not then it's time to get mean. Remember, fear and threats
the greatest aphrodisiac. If she refuses, try and convince her with words.
If words fail, lock the doors. Central locking is beaut for this. She will
probably get scared and start screaming now. If not now, then she probably
will when you begin to rape her. Take the nylon rope and tie her neck to the
headrest. Do it tightly in a slipknot, so that the more she moves, the more
she'll choke. Rip off her dress, and taking the knife in one hand hold it
to her. Then get on top of her, and rape her. You should be able to take
it from here.
Once you're done and you've told her how good she was. Give a kiss, and
tell her how much you'd like to see her, and maybe even her family, again.
Then take the knife and kill her. Put her body in the bag and dump it
somewhere, a good place being in X-Club, the nightclub in King Street
Melbourne, because no-one ever goes there.
If she decides to come into your home, you have won. Shut the door behind
her, then take out the knife. It is your house, and you are a male, so it
should be no problem to bash the fuck out of the bitch and then rape her.
Aim to knock her unconscious, but not into a coma. In case you didn't know,
a woman's cunt tenses up in a coma, and thus entry may be difficult.
Once done, discard of her. A dead bitch is environmentally friendly, so
have no hesitation in burying her someplace. Your backyard? Why not.
Trolling is dead. This place is dead. This place has been dead for far too long. The Revolution and The Rebirth are coming.
Trolling will be re-born.
A New Era dawns. The future grows near.
The Revolution will be devastating.
The Rebirth will be glorious.
The End Is Near.
The Revolution: December 31st, 2002
The Rebirth: January 1st, 2003
Trolling is dead.
Trolling will be born again.
Trolling will return.
Trolling will return with FIRE.
January 1st, 2003.
Mark your calendars.
Clear your calendars.
Reschedule your life.
Everything you know is a lie.
Everything you know is going to change.
This is not the end.
This is not the beginning of the end.
This is the end of the beginning.
The Third Age of Trolling is about to begin.
January 1st, 2003.
It's coming. The Rebirth.
You are powerless to stop it.
Only a fool would try.
If you are a troll, rejoice.
The time of our supremacy is at hand.
The Revolution is coming. The Rebirth draws near. The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth. It's all about to change... forevar. THE END: December 31st, 2002! THE BEGINNING: January 1st, 2003. History has come full-circle. Get ready to troll, motherfuckers.
One of the perpetual needs of the average male is sex, but sadly most women
are reluctant to give in to this on the first date. This guide will tell
you step by step, how to ensure that you get her into bed.
THE DATE
--------
Take her to a restaurant, somewhere nice but cheap. I'd advice someplace
close to home, because if all goes well, you will want to get her home as
quickly as possible, before she escapes, err.. changes her mind.
Dress for the occasion. Wear clothes that mask the real you, that being
wear a suit, or something. You want to get her to believe that you are a
gentlemen, as opposed to a sex crazed maniac, the latter being the real you.
Take her flowers. Something so cheap, but such a powerful weapon. If you
don't want to pay for some, steal them. Anyone can pull some flowers out
of their nextdoor neighbour's yard.
Preparation is the key to success, so before leaving, put the following in
your car (just in case): A strong nylon rope, a balaclava, a sharp
Wiltshire stay sharp filleting knife (preferably with a brown handle), a
copy of "Solider of Fortune" magazine, and a walkman. It would also be a
good idea to pack a large polythene bag as well, and maybe some bricks to
match it.
ON THE DATE
-----------
Whilst on the date, you must be polite. Try and trick the bitch into
believing that you are honest, kind, considerate of others, and a "new
age" male. Get her believing this and you are half way there to getting the
slag in the bag.
Talk about things of culture, music, art, theatre. Don't talk about things
like "The time you bit the head of your mother's budgie", "Or how you
murdered a million tibetan monks, but we're excused because you were a
freemason", or "How many men you killed in Vietnam". No, ladies don't like
that sort of talk, despite the fact it is far more interesting. Tell them
about how you are a fan of good music, and have a great record collection.
Make sure you gear everything you say around their interests. If you find
out that she is a fan of "The National Bulgarian Potplant Orchestra", tell
her you have got all their albums at home, and maybe one day she could come
over and have a look (at the records).
Use humour, be funny and make her laugh. While she is laughing, you can
order more drinks. The more intoxicated you get her, the better. Aim to
have her vomiting bilious fluid by the end of the night and success is
assured. Don't order beer, order expensive wines. Ladies like wine, and
if you pour drinks at a 4:1 ratio, you should only be tipsy by the nights
end.
As the night progresses, slowly but steadily, start telling her how much
you like her, and how much you have in common. Women love this sort of
crap. Act like you mean it, and she will be putty in your sweaty hands.
Don't go overboard though and start licking her feet, but pay her lots of
subtle compliments.
Towards the end of the night, tell how you would really like to see her
again. By now, she should be totally pissed. If not, tell her anyway. It
is now time to play the final card. Tell her that she is too pissed to
drive, and so you'll take her home.
Stop off at your house, and invite her inside for a coffee. Hopefully, she
will accept, if not then it's time to get mean. Remember, fear and threats
the greatest aphrodisiac. If she refuses, try and convince her with words.
If words fail, lock the doors. Central locking is beaut for this. She will
probably get scared and start screaming now. If not now, then she probably
will when you begin to rape her. Take the nylon rope and tie her neck to the
headrest. Do it tightly in a slipknot, so that the more she moves, the more
she'll choke. Rip off her dress, and taking the knife in one hand hold it
to her. Then get on top of her, and rape her. You should be able to take
it from here.
Once you're done and you've told her how good she was. Give a kiss, and
tell her how much you'd like to see her, and maybe even her family, again.
Then take the knife and kill her. Put her body in the bag and dump it
somewhere, a good place being in X-Club, the nightclub in King Street
Melbourne, because no-one ever goes there.
If she decides to come into your home, you have won. Shut the door behind
her, then take out the knife. It is your house, and you are a male, so it
should be no problem to bash the fuck out of the bitch and then rape her.
Aim to knock her unconscious, but not into a coma. In case you didn't know,
a woman's cunt tenses up in a coma, and thus entry may be difficult.
Once done, discard of her. A dead bitch is environmentally friendly, so
have no hesitation in burying her someplace. Your backyard? Why not.
Well someone had to do it.
Does a Christian soccer team even need a goalkeeper?
Hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha.
Ha.
There comes a time in every man's life when he must say, "No mother! I do not want any more Jell-O!"
What? Do you honestly think that the Inuit all use Microsoft?
Er, blah blah blah dead fish. Blah blah blah aquatic ecosystem. Blah blu blah blu bla blu oil companies and Anwar. Blah blah caribou (where are you?). Blah blah alternative energy sources.
From an American point of view, any action taken by my government that makes me less likely to get killed by some nut who wants me dead because I'm an American is a good thing. Saddam is the Raving King Nutball of all Lunatics, and the Iraqi citizens stand a better chance of surviving a US invasion than they do living under a Saddam or (especially) a Saddam, Jr. regime.
This is first about protecting the lives of American citizens, and second protecting the lives of everybody else. I would imagine the Aussies aren't consoled by the apology offered by the Bali bomber, and I don't imagine other countries will be very happy if the whole world is converted into a nuclear waste dump because some Muslims want all Americans dead.
The situation really does boil down to "with us or against us." We're concerned with the defense of our citizens. Wanting us to not defend ourselves against a Jihad is no different from wanting us dead, it's as simple as that.
Unfortunately, this being slashdot ...
Of the three people here who get the reference, two won't have mod points (like myself, and probably you) while the third won't think it's funny.
1. Wait for polar warming
2. ??? = Sell iceberg removal services
3. Profit!
Um, there should be a comma after "Love".
Love,
the Grammar Nazi
Should it come down to it (which is unlikely) I rather think you'd find the US military harder to deal with than a bunch of Spaniards.
A Lorne Eliot joke.
http://cbc.ca/madlyoff/
Hooray for pimping e2!
(/me goes to vote up stew's w/u.)
Karma: Bored. (Thinking about resurrecting the "Anyone else is an imposter" joke.)
OTOH if we could just flood out those fuckers living in Vidor I'd be rejoicing right beside you.