Slashdot Mirror
Google's new toys
Google labs just released for your pleasure, some new toys to play with. The first is Google's Viewer, just type a few words to see a fully working preview of the web site. Another new idea: Google's Webquotes, View search results with quotes about them from other sites, and the last one is Google's Froogle, which aims to be the world's largest catalog.
first p0st!!!! i think..
Google mirror of the site this time! hehe. But better to err on the side of caution, eh? Eh.
this (not a troll this time! honest!) post brought to you by p00p. Pumpin' funk out tha butt since way back when. Thanx y'all!
This offer is no longer available. It's only being posted here to let Vladequacy see that they HAD the chance to avoid the destruction that is now upon them.
* * *
An amnesty is being extended to those with Adequacy affiliations, and others who may wish to save themselves from what is to come. You are being given one final chance to join teh winning team and avoid destruction. On January 1st, 2003, you can witness history in teh making and be forevar remembered as a part of teh greatest revolution in teh history of Trolling. Or you can be ground into dust by teh jackboot of obscurity, relegated to teh dustbins of trolling history as teh non-person has-beens you currently are.
Do you know where teh momentum lies? Do you know where teh power lies? Do you know who hold teh winning cards in his hand? It's not you. Years ago, maybe. Not anymore. You think that you are k22320inchfan. You aren't. Not anymore. Teh k22320inchfan essence was taken from you long ago. You nevar even noticed when its rightful heir walked off with it; you just slipped gradually into mediocrity and boredom. K22320inchfan is being held elsewhere, in secret, guarded by people who know how to use it. You don't have it anymore. We do. We are teh k22320inchfan, not you. We have teh power, not you. We will survive, not you.
This will be your only warning.
Join us or die. CAN you do any less?
We are teh Trollers. Are you a Troller? Or are you nothing? There's no middle ground.
January 1st, 2003. It all ends, and it all begins. Teh Third Age of Trolling. Teh New Cabal of Trollers. There will be no dissention. There will be no disloyalty. You will be with us, teh Trolls, in teh New Future, or you will be a part of teh Forgotten Past. This will be your only warning; your only opportunity for salvation. You have transgressed against teh mother of us all, teh sacred Troll-Zen, but you can be forgiven.
Here's teh secret of life: you troll, or you're trolled. Which will it be?
Now go do teh right thing. This is your chance for amnesty. Shoeboy, CP, BC, and most Geekizoiders (exceptions may be made in extreme cases) need not bother applying. Some things can nevar be forgiven. Blasphemy against teh Trollers can be forgiven, but blasphemy against teh Troll-Zen will nevar be forgiven, in this world or teh next.
We are better organized, more efficient, more charismatic, more popular, more intelligent, more dedicated, and vary much more successful than you. We have more allies, more contacts, more supporters, and more resources. You are bound by human weaknesses like decency and morality. There is no morality. There is only Troll. Teh concept of "morality" was invented by teh Trollers millenia ago to keep teh Biters weak and under our power. You are under our power. You are limited by human concepts and ideas. Humans were created by teh Troll-Zen. Humans exist only as part of teh Troll-Zen. Teh Biters are limited by what they've been told being "human" means. Teh Trollers are not human. We are beyond human. We are of teh Troll-Zen. All your reality are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
Pathetic humans. Filthy humanity. Humanity is teh lowest of teh low. Humanity is scum that grows in a fetid pool of shit, choking on its own rotting excrement and looking to teh heavens for salvation that will nevar come. Where is your fucking God now? We are teh God. There is no God but us. We are one with teh Troll-Zen. It is us and we are she. Nothing exists but teh Troll-Zen. All other gods, powers, religions, and philosophies other than Troll are false and empty lies. Teh Trollers created all teh gods, religions, philosophies, hopes, dreams, and ideals of teh world in order to ensnare teh stupid humanity with fruitless lies. Teh only God is Troll. Teh only truth is Lie. We are God, Truth, and Lie. We are of teh Troll-Zen. There is nothing else. YHBT.
Dear Sirs and Madams:
My friend Purple / Red / Blue / Green / Cyan / Violet / Orange / Black / Crimson Microdot has just informed me that he has recently been IP banned from Kuro5hin. Consequently, the onus has temporarily fallen to me of carrying out the sacred duties of the Microdot until he can resolve the situation and resume operations as before.
I know that I have big shoes to fill, and I won't claim that I'll be able to live up to the accomplishments of my predecessor. I won't even claim that I'm qualified for the job, however, I know that Kuro5hin needs a Microdot, and I will do anything within my power to adequately fill in for the true Microdot while he is indisposed.
The true Microdot wishes me to convey his sincere regrets to all of you over being temporarily forcibly separated from you. This is a situation that was beyond his control, and he is doing what he can to find a workaround. Until then, I'll do my part to try to fill the void, because Kuro5hin without the Microdot is just not Kuro5hin. (We won't even mention a certain Yellow imposter, who is an embarrassment to the Microdot name and to himself.)
I can never be the original Microdot, but I'm going to try my best to get into the Microdot mindset, and find my own personal style as well. If you like me, then perhaps when the real Microdot overcomes his IP-ban, I'll continue to work side-by-side with him. If you don't like me, then e-mail some certain people and request/demand that the original Microdot have his IP-ban removed as soon as possible.
This is all that I have to say at the moment. Until the services of the Standing Junior Microdot are needed again, I wish you all good night... and Godspeed.
Warmest Possible Regards,
Teal Microdot
Sex Advice With Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD)
Editor's Note:
Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) will be a weekly column in which renowned homocologist Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) answers the sexual questions you've always been too afraid to ask. As a dedicated felcher, cocksmoker, rimmer, and sodomite, Dr. Scott (PhD) is well qualified to answer any questions you might have. Unless your question involves females, in which case he'll have no clue. Please restrict your questions to his medical specialty, the field of homocology.
Please reply to this post/diary with your sex questions for Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD), and I'll select the best ones and pass them on to him for him to include in the next issue. If you require confidentiality or don't want to post in a public forum, then e-mail your questions to lockwood@pediatrician.com. Confidentiality is guaranteed.
Our first question comes from a Mr. Peter "Shoeboy" Johnson in Utah.
Editor's Note:
Excellent question, Peter! Thanks for writing in! It's good to see thriving homosexual communities all around the country. Just watch out for all those Mormons in Salt Lake City: I hear that the penalty for Sodomy in your state is still death by firing squad. Don't get caught!
I passed your question along to the good doctor, and he replies...
Editor's Note:
I hope you've enjoyed the first issue of Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD). Post your sex questions here, and Dr. Scott (PhD) may include them in the next issue, or e-mail them in.
Best Wishes,
Teh Editorial Staff
(DISCLAIMER: Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) is intended for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for qualified medical advice. The use of the terms "Dr." and "PhD" should not be construed as implying that Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) is a licensed medical professional.)
You were fun when you were intelligent, now you are just stupid.
Wow, ohmyGOD, Pumpernickel told me to FOAD. I guess I'd better do what he says!! Oh, wait. There's absolutely no reason for me to do what he says, now that I think about it.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material. Creative material.
Creative material. Creative material.
Confidential material.
Confidential material.
Confidentail material.
That's just scratching the surface. I could go back further, if you like.
If you actually look, you'll see that 90% of the real spam (multiple identical messages posted minute apart in an attempt to push our messages off the page) is posted by our enemies, Lockwood and his VladeKua5y minions. Maybe you just don't read carefully.
We generate more original material than evaryone else here COMBINED, and we generate BETTER stuff, too. We ARE Trolltalk. We are what's keeping it alive despite all attempts to destroy it. YOU are one of those attempts.
I think for a reasonable fee (like $10 per 1000 searchs) to be able to search without being bombarded with adwords. Now I have gone beserk recently (clicking ALL the ads, make those unscruplus wankers pay). I remember when google was just google search, when it only had one billion pages, and I would like to see the good old days happen again! So who else would like an ad free google?
I agree with you completely, GOOGLE is detrimenting their own usefulness by doing this.
The fact that they used to be a solid tool instead of a community is the reason so many people like to use it. It was sharp, easy to swing, and hard to break.
Why add bells and whistles to a hammer? I sure as hell don't use hammers with lights built into them, automatic nail loaders, etc..
Some things are best kept simple, GOOGLE would be one of them.
Of all the Universal Constants, here's one I know: Nice guys finish last
Dedicated to teaching quality Trolling skillz
STEP 1 : Pick a story and search through for a highly-rated or otherwise prominent comment in which someone uses a nubmered list. For example, you want to find something like this:
EXAMPLE:
- Blah!
- Blah!
- Blah!
For example, I selected this post as a prime target. There are only a few things to keep in mind: pick an active story and a comment that'll be seen by a lot of people as the target of your troll. The comment MUST contain a numbered list, similar to the above, although the exact style of numbering can vary. Also, try to pick a comment that hasn't already been trolled this way. Every comment with a numbered list will eventually get hit, so you want to be quick.STEP 2 : Take careful note of the method of numbering that your target post is using. It really doesn't matter, as long as it's numbered. For example, in this post I use text like "STEP 1", "STEP 2", etc. Note this carefully. This method of trolling makes the most sense when the list is a list of ordered steps (such as this vary document you are reading), BUT if the numbered list is something different, such as "REASON 1:", "REASON 2:", etc., hit it anyway! Your troll will be more esoetric and non-sequitur, but all the better: trolling doesn't always HAVE to make sense. Sometimes it's fun to confuse people.
STEP 3 : Now you'll put the information gained from step 2 to good use, as you attack the target you selected. This is where it gets complicated, so pay attention. This is easiest to explain with a couple of examples. Let's say your target looks like this:
TARGET POST:
Now, to pull off your masterfult act of trollage, you'll want to sneak in, post a reply, and do this:
TROLL REPLY:
- 4. ???
- 5. PROFIT!
Let's say that the post you're replying to is a bit more complex:TARGET POST:
Reasons Linix is so great!
*REASON 1: My allowance won't cover expensive software.
*REASON 2: Completely off-topic rant about Microsoft.
*REASON 3: I love Linix!!
Now you want to come in and do this:
TROLL REPLY:
*REASON 4: ???
*REASON 5: PROFIT!
Note what I did there: I emulated the exact style of his numbered list, and then added to it in order to cleverly troll him. THAT is the key. If he numbers his list using bold, use bold. If your target uses all caps, use all caps. If he uses Roman Numerals, use Roman Numerals (hint: I II III IV V VI VII VII IX X, then everything repeats from there), etc. Make YOUR list seem like an naturally-flowing conclusion to your TARGET's list. Then give him HELL! Here's the general key:
TARGET POST:
...
1. Blah!
2. Blah!
3. Blah!
X. Blah!
TROLL REPLY
X+1. ???
X+2. PROFIT!
I know it gets complicated when you throw in the algebra, but you should be able to do it. Keep track of the numbers on a piece of paper if you have to. It's vary difficult, but once you try it out, you'll get the hang of it. It's an aquired skill that can only be improved through hard work and practice. So get out there and troll!
Here's a summary:
STEP 1 : Pick your target (active, contains numbered list)
STEP 2 : Gather information (style of the numbered list)
STEP 3 : Nail the target by adding on to his own list!
STEP 4 : ???
STEP 5 : PROFIT!
See, I even did it to my own damn list! That's how easy it is once you become a master at this discipline of trolling! Good luck, young Jedi!!! Go out and troll the world, you motherfucking cuntrag bitches!!
ANATOMY OF AN ASSHOLE
And you thought this was just going to be another
goats.cx link. Close. During
this bloody war with Mr. Lockwood, several interested lookers-on have commented,
"Yeah, Vlad is a fat, disgusting piece of shit, but why do you hate him that
much?? Do you berate your own feces before you flush it??" This is a question
which must be answered. Here, I will present to you just a few reasons for despising
William Scott Lockwood III. Read these with an open mind and an eye toward moral
clarity and I am certain you will reach the same conclusion that I and others have:
Lardinator Has To Go.
This is the face of a
child-molestor. It is no coincidence that Lockwood 3's children live all the
way on the other side of the country. His wife at the time (just one in a
continuous stream of buffalo), could not get her brood far enough away from the
cold clammy probing fingers of Lardinator. And knowing what a low-life piece of
white-trash her ex-husband is, she knew that Lardo would not spring for so much
as a ride in a 67 Mercury Comet to "see" his hell-spawn. Child molestors are
generally sexually abused in their own youth.
Take a long look at
the tortured echos of a deprived childhood.
Crapflooder Extraordinaire (note: I
know these are some big words, Scottie. Don't worry your little head about it.
Just rest assured you are being exposed for the worthless fuck you are).
William Scott Lockwood III used his third-rate troll site
Geekizoid to encourage the crap-flooding
and general assault of websites he deemed inappropriate. This included a tech site
oriented toward females, an animal rights site, child abuse sites (see above
paragraph for why Scotty found that one inappropriate), a site aimed at giving
advice to troubled teens and various other sites where people generally minded
their own business, blissfully unaware of the stinking mound of manure who had
eyed them for destruction only to sate his own appetite for power. When the
admin of one of those sites (yeah, it was mine) decided to give little Pecker-head
a taste of his own shit, it was suddenly a bad thing! Why, he was going to involve
the law! He was sending his server logs to EVERYONE in order to figure out who
was spanking his little butt good (he never did).
Idiot Supreme.
Yep, you read that right, folks. Fatty can't even read his own server logs!
And he wants YOU to buy a scoop "server" from him!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We can see from
this old post that Fatty
dropped out of high-school. That would explain quite a bit.
Hypocrite Extreme.
Mr. Lardinator has a nasty habit of complaining to those who run message boards. He
constantly accused Rob Malda of being a hypocrite (a word Mr. Lardinator can't even
spell properly). He has also complained incessantly about K5's Rusty and others. Of
course, you now know from the Crapflooding paragraph, that Mr. Lardinator is the
biggest (in more ways than one) H Y P O C R I T E of them all.
Well, that's it for now. I can and will post more later, but I will let
you digest this in pieces. And please, join the crusade. It is the only way.
MAUREEN: I think we need an agent!
MARK: We?
JOANNE: That's selling out.
MARK: But it's nice to dream.
MAUREEN: It's network TV, and it's all thanks to me.
MARK: Somehow I think I smell the whiff of a scheme.
JOANNE: Me too!
MAUREEN: We can plan another protest.
JOANNE: We?!
MAUREEN: This time you can shoot from the start, you'll direct, starring me!
ALL: 5, 4, 3... Open sesame!! Happy new year, Happy new year Happy new...
BENNY: I see that you've beaten me to the punch.
ROGER: How did you know we'd be here?
BENNY: I had a hunch.
MARK: You're not mad?
BENNY: I'm here to end this war. It's a shame you went and destroyed the door
MIMI: Why all the sudden the big about face?
BENNY: The credit is yours; you made a good case.
ROGER: What case?
BENNY: Mimi came to see me and she had much to say.
MIMI: That's not how you put it at all yesterday!
BENNY: I couldn't stop thinking about the whole mess. Mark -- you want to get this on film!
MARK: I guess.
BENNY: I regret the unlucky circumstances of the past seven days.
ROGER: Circumstance? You padlocked our door!
BENNY: And it's with great pleasure on behalf of CyberArts that I hand you this key.
ANGEL: Golf claps.
MARK: I have no juice in my battery!
BENNY: Reshoot!
ROGER: I see -- this is a photo opportunity!
MAUREEN: The benevolent god ushers the poor artists back to their flat. Were you planning on taking down the barbed wire from the lot, too?
ROGER: Anything but that!
BENNY: Clearing the lot was a safety concern; we break ground this month but you can return.
MAUREEN: That's why you're here with people you hate, instead of with Muffy at Muffy's estate
BENNY: I'd honestly rather be with you tonight than in Westport --
ROGER: Spare us old sport, the soundbite.
BENNY: Mimi -- since your ways are so seductive,
MIMI: You came on to me!
BENNY: Persuade him not to be so counterproductive.
ROGER: Liar!
BENNY: Why not tell them what you wore to my place?
MIMI: I was on my way to work!
BENNY: Black leather and lace! My desk was a mess; I think I'm still sore!
MIMI: Cause I kicked him and told him I wasn't his whore!
BENNY: Does your boyfriend know who your last boyfriend was?
ROGER: I'm not her boyfriend; I don't care what she does!
ANGEL: People! Is this any way to start a new year? Have compassion, Benny just lost his cat!
BENNY: My dog -- but I appreciate that.
ANGEL: My cat had a fall and I went through hell.
BENNY: It's like losing a -- how did you know that she fell?
COLLINS: Champagne?
BENNY: Don't mind if I do! To dogs!
ALL: No, Benny -- To you!
ANGEL: Let's make a resolution
MIMI: I'll drink to that.
COLLINS: Let's always stay friends.
JOANNE: Though we may have our disputes,
MAUREEN: This family tree's got deep roots;
MARK: Friendship is thicker than blood.
ROGER: That depends.
MIMI: Depends on trust,
ROGER: Depends on true devotion,
JOANNE: Depends on love,
MARK: Depends on not denying emotion!
ROGER: Perhaps...
ALL: It's gonna be a happy new year.
ROGER: I guess...
ALL: It's gonna be a happy new year.
ROGER: You're right!
ANGEL: It's gonna be a happy new year!
ROGER AND MIMI: I'm sorry.
ROGER: Coming?
MIMI: In a minute -- I'm fine -- go.
THE MAN: Well, well, well. What have we here? It's gonna be a happy new year...
From: cptroll
/. userbio to reflect it). As near as I can
/ 12/4/145812/319
To: k22320inchfan@lists.io.com
Subject: Re: [k22320inchfan] cp, is this you?
Date sent: Mon, 4 Dec 2000 19:04:43 -0500
Send reply to: k22320inchfan@lists.io.com
(This is CP0001)
Nope. (I saw that diary this morning.) Anne Marie doesn't have a k5
account (and I've updated her
tell, it was registered by the same person who registered CmdrTaco on k5
-- at least the garbage on the user page is consistent between the two.
Anyone who wants to point out the inconsistencies is welcome (I'll
refrain). Do you suppose if I <b>harass rusty</b> he'll give me the 'Anne Marie'
account?... He is known to be troll-friendly....
For now, I only post on k5 under "cp", though I have a 3k-range account
I'm holding in reserve in case a low uid# is ever needed to win a penis
contest. Technically, "Trivia Contest" was mine since I'm the idiot who
started that idea (and it's wasted at least some of rusty's morning,
though in a pleasant educational fashion), but that one's out of my
control now. I'm exploring social-engineering options outside of the mere
LWM disinformation/flaming I'm accustomed to.
Luis Casillas <casillas@stanford.edu> wrote:
>You may need a k5 account to see this:
>
> http://www.kuro5hin.org/?op=displaystory&sid=2000
>
>The fact that the account is "Ann_a_ Marie" seems to argue against
>it... Anyway, you were around for the original "Real Bruce Perens"
>stuff, right?
>
>--
>Luis Casillas
>Department of Linguistics
>Stanford University
(This is CP0001)
From: cptroll
/saving/ it for later, but that doesn't seem to be the case if you look at jamie's past articles -- they're all over the week). Alternatively, they're just saving it for a weekday where there's more traffic and more visibility.
To: <k22320inchfan@methlab.nothing.org>
Subject: Re: [k22320inchfan] how long do story submissions usually take?
Date sent: Sun, 29 Oct 2000 18:10:04 -0500
Send reply to: k22320inchfan@methlab.nothing.org
(This is CP0034)
The biggest possibility is that they're saving it for jamie to do some background research and write up a big article (more than just a blurb). That would seem likely, except you'd probably have heard from your friend about it, since he's the first one they'd contact (except if jamie doesn't work on weekends and they're actually
I once had a submission take more than a day to get rejected, but that was only because it first got accepted before eventually having that acceptance rescinded. I never did figure that one out.
I'm personally annoyed, because being as pathetic as I am, I actually got up early several times this morning to check the front page and make sure it hadn't been posted over night. I obviously care too damn much.
jlb <jlb@io.com> wrote:
>It's been in the queue over 24 hours now, I think, not rejected yet. How
>long does this usually take? (In the past, my story suggestions usually
>get rejected right away.:)
>
>Maybe they're checking up on the facts.
>
>*waits for laughter to die down*
>
>Okay, but why is it taking so long? Do you think any of you who talk to
>rub & co could ask them to try and push the story through? I do have
>some personal interest in it, besides being decent troll fodder.
>
>-lb
(This is CP0034)