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Googling For Dates?

JAK writes "The New York Times' down-to-earth ethicist Randy Cohen writes on the moral implications of searching for a date's past on Google. He suggests that the practice is ok (even admitting to doing it himself) but warns against jumping to conclusions based on a quick search or confusing someone for others with the same name. He also writes that "the verb ''to Google'' is now a familiar neologism" (neologism: a new word, usage, or expression, I looked it up). You can read about it The Times (free reg blah blah)"

16 of 421 comments (clear)

  1. Not only useful for dating... by afra242 · · Score: 5, Insightful

    I am sure everytime I apply for a job, employers scan through Google searching for my name. After all, it was what this article was about.

    But then again, whether for dating purposes, or otherwise, why would I put up a page saying something that I may regret later? I am aware that search engines will pick up these pages. I suppose I would be a bit worried if something was out there against me that I had no full control over.

    1. Re:Not only useful for dating... by ryochiji · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I try to have a good resume, keep up my GPA, keep a clean traffic record and on top of all that, I have to keep a clean Google Record. Who says it's easy living in the information age?

  2. Sometimes it's a good idea. by brad-x · · Score: 4, Insightful

    You never know when something as innocuous as a screen name can reveal some interesting facts about people.

    Sometimes the people you associate with may even have entire second lives or hidden secrets online. Background checking people is a smart and healthy thing to do, in my opinion.

    --
    // -- http://www.BRAD-X.com/ -- //
  3. Good for bad. by Martigan80 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    This can be a new way of screwing with some one. Just imagine faking their names and then posting or doing business with some questionable sights. This Google report would seem to hold as much weight as an Equifax report, probably as damaging too!

    --
    This SIG pulled due to lack of funding. (This damn war is costing too much!)
  4. Does this seem bass-ackward to anyone else? by Tsar · · Score: 4, Insightful

    This really does sound like one of those "In Soviet Russia" jokes: First stalk her, THEN date her.

    Seriously, is it going to become necessary for women to get preemptive restraining orders against guys they haven't dated yet, to keep from being stalked on line "as a precautionary measure?" And on the gripping hand, how can we condemn the Feds for doing this kind of thing wholesale, when we aren't above doing it on a piecemeal basis, with no oversight or regulatory structure to govern our actions?

    Just a thought or two...

    1. Re:Does this seem bass-ackward to anyone else? by GMontag · · Score: 4, Insightful

      Seriously, is it going to become necessary for women to get preemptive restraining orders against guys they haven't dated yet, to keep from being stalked on line "as a precautionary measure?"

      Wow, this "stalking" word/concept has taken on a wild life of it's own. Back in my day, "to stalk" actually required followning the prey in person!

      Do people, now, seriously use this term to mean a thought crime of some sort? Does going to the library to lookup someone's past print work count in this new thought crime of "stalking"? "Your Honor, we have his library records, he was looking up English papers at my old college..."

      Do the people that keep expanding this term, both in common language as well as in the law, think Orwell's fiction is some sort blueprint of a perfect society?

  5. Not a good idea by 2MuchC0ffeeMan · · Score: 5, Insightful

    there's a child molester in a neighboring state with the same name as me.

    there was a warrent out for his arrest, long story short, the cop didn't believe that i wasn't him. fun night.

    anyway, if someone was to look me up on google, they would find a sexual predator? great. gotta love free information.

    i'm all for megan's law ... just not against the 'victims' of it. the internet can be a useful tool, and a horrible device.

    --
    Runnin' On Empty .... I'm Still Alive
    1. Re:Not a good idea by Ami+Ganguli · · Score: 5, Insightful

      But who gets to decide whether or not that person poses "enough" of a danger. Presumably the justice system in your country decided to let him go. That may not have been the right decision, but who should decide if not the courts?

      Now, given that this guy isn't living in prison, he has to live and work somewhere. If he becomes an outcast unable to rent an apartment and unable to find work, what chance does he have of becoming a productive member of society? You're forcing him to steal to survive.

      Ever read/see Les Miserables?

      --
      It is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail. - Abraham Maslow
  6. How about a relationship built on trust? by Em+Emalb · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Why not trust the other person to tell you about themselves and their past? Seems to me this is a way to look for any faults you can find in someone. Sounds like a sure fire way to end a relationship to me.

    You: "Honey, I was just on google. Says on there that you once did (insert stupid mistake or whatever).

    SO:"Oh really? So, how long have you been checking up on me?"

    You: "Oh, I just wanted to see..."

    SO: "Well, how about you see the door as it hits your butt on the way out?"

    --
    Sent from your iPad.
  7. Google icon by Banjonardo · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I ask, once again, for a google icon. fourth story in less than a week.

    --

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    Score 3? For what? Being wrong, at length? - smirkleton

  8. Ok? by Bendebecker · · Score: 4, Insightful

    He suggests the practice is ok?

    Does that mean its like maybe sort of alright?

    Also, I would recommend against it. Finding out things about your girlfriend that she din't want to tell you is liek opening up old wounds. Somethings are best left in the past. It also indicates a lack of trust in a relationship taht you feel you have to go behind the other persons back.
    Then there is the age old porno problem: You will start thinking about your girlfriend differently after you see her amateur nude photos on the web. It's like discovering your girlfriend posed for playboy: the moment she finds out you know, your relationship will fall apart.

    --
    There's a growing sense that even if The Future comes,
    most of us won't be able to afford it.
    -- Lemmy
  9. its not what google finds but more what it doesn't by deus_X_machina · · Score: 5, Insightful

    That's very interesting. The other day a less computer saavy buddy of mine came over looking for some techincal assistence, gleaming over the new PC he'd just purchased and hooked up to the internet. Since he's not very "connected", I decided to play around with his head a little, telling him that you could find out anything about a person through this magical search engine called "Google". To prove this to him I ran his name (not a common one) through it, not really expecting anything. Low and behold it came up in the form of a .txt file from a job he hadn't held in about a year. Along with his own name came his father's name and email address (who is a Labor Relations manager, a field that can get heated), his mother's name and where she went to high school, and countless other miscellaneous tidbits of information about him and his family.

    What surprised me most, however, was the information that didn't surface. While all of this trivial information found it's way to my monitor, the information I would have expected to appear didn't. A few years ago, during a low point in his life, he'd manage to amass quite a criminal record: a few semi-violent crimes (bar fights constitute assult) and an attempted felony, he had even been associated with a large hate group. None of that surfaced in my googling.

    I guess the moral of the story is googling your date isn't exactly the most acurate way of checking his or her background if you're into that type of thing. I'm glad this information didn't surface in his case, as he's put his past behind him and started a new life. I don't think "ex-neo nazi skinhead" sends potential dates the right message on a first date. He's told his current girlfriend, but only when the relationship was a point where he felt okay in doing so, and she accepted it.

    Anyway, that's my two cents.

    --
    "In a Democracy, people get the kind of government they deserve." -Winston Churchill
  10. Re:Hmmm... by Guppy06 · · Score: 4, Insightful

    "At what point does snooping around for information on others cross the line into stalking?"

    My personal litmus test: When you start to spend money.

  11. And you sir, are a prime example of. . . by kfg · · Score: 5, Insightful

    the impossibilty of seperating the 'victims' of Megan's law from its intended 'perps.'

    I rather suspect that you weren't exactly treated in a real 'innocent until proven guilty' manner either. As you say, "fun night."

    *All* laws that seek to 'preempt' crime create a class of innocent vitims. Some of them have their lives ruined beyond repair. Be greatful it was only your night that was 'fun.'

    I'd go so far as to state that preemptive laws create many, many more innocent 'victims' of law than they save actual vitims of crime.

    Have you read the so called "Patriot" Act? Hell, from now on it doesn't even necessarily *matter* if you're innocent or guilty.

    KFG

  12. Googling as a verb... by cygnusx · · Score: 4, Insightful

    Doesn't "Google" use as a verb dilute its trademark value? (Something like that happened to Xerox).

  13. Google? by KalvinB · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I just refer girls I date to The Labyrinth (my writings) found at my web-site. They either come away thinking I'm one fucked up individual or find me interesting.

    I'm religious but I'm not afraid to poke fun of my religion. Any like minded girl that can read "Justification for It's Existance" and not get offended at the line "Jesus tells the funniest stories when he's drunk" or "Dinner Party" and laugh at "Resurrected Jesus cookies" is a girl I want to get to know.

    Researching someone on Google is lame. These days everyone and their dog and its chew toy has a web-site. If they don't have a personal site then stick to the old fashion "conversation."

    Finding random spats of information someone wrote is an excellent way to get the wrong idea about them. Who knows when it was written, what they've gone through since then, ect. If someone wants others to know about them on-line, they'll put up a homepage and point you to it if you ever meet them.

    I'd rather get to know someone before digging through their history and judging them without giving them a chance to explain. People change. They make mistakes. They move on.

    Ben