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Computer Geeks and Jury Duty in the US?
Stan Schwarz asks: "I just spent a day doing jury duty here in Los Angeles, and it was a colossal waste of time. I've been called for jury duty five times over the last 18 years, and I -never- get picked for a jury. I answer the five questions (name, where you live, marital status, occupation, spouse's occupation) and they throw me out. My lawyer neighbor says this is because they don't want computer people because we think logically and are not emotional. Have other slashdot readers had similar experiences with the judicial system? Or should I just develop a complex about this?"
The whole jury selection process is flawed because they end up with nothing but dumb squares. Find the right audience, and you'll be able to convince them the sun is cubic.
Repeal the DMCA!
1. Bring a laptop on which you can do work. If your job cannot be done on a laptop with no network connection then you are screwed and should take the alternate approach, finding excuses to get out of jury duty.
2. Find the outlet in the jury pool room, and sit next to it. Arrive early if you have to. Your laptop battery will not keep you going long enough, so you must plan to run on AC power. If there is only one outlet, you must not let anyone else sit next to it. To avoid problems, you may want to arrive early or bring an extension cord.
3. Pretend to be an idiot during voir dire. This is crucial. Courts take a dim view of software development work in the jury box. The place you want to spend your time is the jury pool room, not the courtroom. It's easy to minimize the time you spend in the courtroom. During the voir dire process, be sure to express at least one of the following opinions whenever any question is asked of you:
You may still get picked for a jury despite your best efforts. If this happens to you, make sure you have something dry and technical to read, like a printout of some API documentation. (Don't bring anything more interesting along or you'll end up reading that instead.) Most judges don't care if you catch up on your reading during the procedural lulls that consume most of the court's time, when your attention isn't needed. People read romance novels on juries all the time. But I think an open laptop would be pushing it.
4. Don't make any friends. Remember, you're going to jury duty to get lots of work done, not to socialize! The reason jury duty is great is that it forces you to work because there's nothing else to do and no one interesting to talk to! No meetings, phone calls, emails, or Slashdot. You have to take advantage of this valuable time. If you make friends in the jury pool room, you defeat the entire purpose of not trying to get out of jury duty!
Seriously, I got called for jury duty and I got an amazing amount of work done that week. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable as hell while I was there, but afterwards it was definitely worth it.
And the ironic thing is that, as a Quaker, I would feel it to be of the utmost importance to listen to both sides without prejudice and to value both sides equally as I weight the facts.
That's your problem right there, just start playing CS instead, they're much more emotional.
Or you can fake it and still be a Quaker, just stand up and yell "WTF?! STFU!!!" at the defendant after each question, then "0wn3d!!!11! lol lol lol" as they're found guilty.
To avoid the dozens of replies pointing out the obvious, yes, this post is a joke.
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