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Lord of the Rings, as Written By Everyone Else

Posted by chrisd on from the samwise-I-am dept.

sn0rt writes "A thread on Straight Dope asks what would happen if someone else had written the Lord of the Rings. Reader submissions include Ernest Hemingway, Douglas Adams, Mark Twain, HP Lovecraft, ee cumings, Milton, Mickey Spillane, Danielle Steele, Ayn Rand(!!), Ray Bradbury, Gilbert and Sullivan and Tom Clancy. My favourite is Dr. Suess: 'Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring! I am too small to carry this thing!' 'I can not, will not hold the One. You have a slim chance, but I have none. I will not take it on a boat, I will not take it across a moat. I cannot take it under Moria, that's one thing I can't do for ya. I would not bring it into Mordor, I would not make it to the border.'"

1 of 346 comments (clear)

  1. Re:Just think if Hollywood had filmed it by Cyclometh · · Score: 2, Troll

    None taken. However, given how LOTR is one of the most important pieces of western fiction written in the 20th century, and that it has existed for well over 50 years, I don't really feel too badly about spoiling the moviegoing experience for people who haven't taken the time to read the damn thing.

    Further, in my opinion, you can't really enjoy the movie fully unless you've read the book, because so much is left out of the movie. Just as a single example, the movie never even touches on just why the city of Osgiliath is a destroyed ruin even though several major scenes take place there.

    And really, people bitching about the movie being spoiled for them because they didn't know the plot of the book really is just plain irksome.

    Just to be clear: Rosebud is a sled. The fucking boat sinks. The guy's really dead from the beginning. And Gollum is actually the one responsible for destroying the ring, albeit by accident. None of these things should be a surprise to anyone who hasn't lived in a hole for the last 20 years.

    I'm not trying to be an ass (or maybe I am) but I really don't have much patience for anyone who is so dreadfully out of touch as to not know the basic plot of LOTR. I'm actually surprised that even people who haven't read the book don't know at least the high points.