How to be a Programmer

Martin L. Smith writes "Rob Read has posted his magnum opus, "How to be a Programmer: A Short, Comprehensive and Personal Summary" to Samizdat Press where it can be scarfed by the masses. Rob's book is a forty-page tour through the million-and-one things he thinks a programmer ought to know as he sets out into deep water. One of the reasons he posted this was to get some feedback, so tell him what you think. Samizdat Press is maintained by the Colorado School of Mines to provide a distribution point for free (mostly earth-sciences related) texts."

Comments

We got it

[mao che minh]

I think that 90% of the people here already have the whole "how to thrive in a seclusive career path that is extremely difficult to find employment in and you end up having very little contact with the softer gender" thing down pat, thank you very much.

How to program in the 21st century

[Anonymous Coward]

1) Write a spec
2) Send spec to Indian/Russian/Chinese Programming Outsourcer
3) ...
4) Profit!

I wonder what will be in this book...

[anactofgod]

That one can't learn from reading Dilbert and watching Office Space.

"Why didn't you put a cover sheet on the TPS report!" - "Terrible" Terry Tate.

He left out a certain chapter

[TerryAtWork]

The 'Thrown Out Like an Old Sock' chapter.

how to be a "successful" programmer

[C60]

1) Write code
2) Avoid commenting your code at *all* costs
3) Obfuscate code, heavily and often.
4) Make sure everyone sees your code. This will culture a sense of fear and awe in your coworkers. Particularly if you can make your Perl code look like assembler.

With these 4 easy steps, you too can be one of the last people to be laid by your employer!

Re:how to be a "successful" programmer

[rela]

With these 4 easy steps, you too can be one of the last people to be laid by your employer!

Mere typo, or Freudian slip?

How To Write Unmaintainable Code

[joe_bruin]

just read this handy guide to writing unmaintainable code and do exactly what it suggests

How to be a programmer

[Anonymous Coward]

Choose no life.
Choose no natural light.
Choose cafeine.
Choose to have RSI.
Choose no girlfriend.
Choose to work long hours and the weekends.
Choose to use C.
Choose to use JAVA after talking to the boss.
Choose to have a bloody big 21 inch monitor.
Choose to comment code.
Choose to have to comment other people's code.
Choose to run a sourceforge project on the side.
Choose to be abused by mindless helpdesk jockeys.
Choose Comp Sci.
Choose D&D geeky friends.
Choose Slashdot.
Choose an early grave.
Choose something else.

Tao of Porgramming

[axxackall]

This classic translation takes care about the spirit of programming.

Just few quotes:

Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted?
Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student?
Does a good father allow a single child to starve?
Does a good programmer refuse to maintain his code?

There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs. A novice programmer, seeking to imitate him, also began to write unstructured programs. When the novice asked the master to evaluate his progress, the master criticized him for writing unstructured programs, saying, ``What is appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the novice. You must understand the Tao before transcending structure.''

The Tao gave birth to machine language. Machine language gave birth to the assembler.

The assembler gave birth to the compiler. Now there are ten thousand languages.

Each language has its purpose, however humble.
Each language expresses the Yin and Yang of software.
Each language has its place within the Tao.

But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.

Re:How to be a Programmer and get laid

[andrew_0812]

Stage 1 -- Denial. How sad. Hmm, it might be possible to write a program to converse with a female. That would be a fun date...

Re:How to be a Programmer and get laid

[Anonym0us Cow Herd]

If you're a geek, you *can* have luck with the ladies; especially if you've got a job and some cash to spend. Shave that beard, get a decent haircut. Buy some nice clothes. Go out, drink a coupla beers, and just talk to women.

You forgot one: take a shower.


I swear, if this gets modded as Insightful or Informative, I'm gonna worry...