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How to be a Programmer

Posted by michael on from the learning-to-like-mountain-dew-and-pizza dept.

Martin L. Smith writes "Rob Read has posted his magnum opus, "How to be a Programmer: A Short, Comprehensive and Personal Summary" to Samizdat Press where it can be scarfed by the masses. Rob's book is a forty-page tour through the million-and-one things he thinks a programmer ought to know as he sets out into deep water. One of the reasons he posted this was to get some feedback, so tell him what you think. Samizdat Press is maintained by the Colorado School of Mines to provide a distribution point for free (mostly earth-sciences related) texts."

7 of 420 comments (clear)

  1. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) Problems regarding accounts or comment posting should be sent to CowboyNeal.

  2. THE PRONOUNS ARE FROM LACK OF PUSSY by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    Not political correctness.

  3. -1 (Delusional Use of Pronoun) by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Troll

    This essay abuses the English language and insults the programmer-reader with its persistent use of the female singular pronoun, where (actually gender-neutral) "he" would be correct.

  4. How To Be A Moron: +1, Patriotic by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll


    Simply follow the Bungler-In-Chief

    Cheers,
    W00t

  5. SHE?? by brrrrrrt · · Score: 1, Troll

    I stopped reading as soon as I realised he was consistently referring to the programmer as "she"... YECH!

  6. 3) McDould's by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    I love eating a Big Mic; buns without sesame seeds are more fluffy and tasty.

  7. You'll eat shit if you're hungry enough and... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Troll

    ...eventually you'll get used to the taste, and then you'll start to like it. That's when you're ready to be a programmer.

    Of course to eat shit regularly you have to have nothing better available, which brings us to the first requirement for being a programmer:

    1) YOUR LIFE MUST BE AN UTTER WASTELAND; a land of dry dust where even a week-old cat turd is a feast.

    The second is sort of a corollary of the first. You must be a wasteland-type lifeform. Cold, hard and used to drilling deep for your water. Used to being hungry.
    So-

    2) YOU HAVE TO BE AN OBSESSIVE FOCUS FREAK, LIKE AN ASPERGER. BRIGHT POINT OF TUNNELVISION SHOULD BE YOUR NATURAL CONSCIOUSNESS MODE. Able to suck nourishment from a flea's armpit.

    This is a gnarled kind of being. In ancient times they called it a DWARF. Cranky, ugly, bent over his work, etc.
    Not a pretty sight or fun to hang with, but powerful in it's way.