Buzz Words, Catch Phrases, and Manager Speak?

rivendahl asks: "I have not seen, or perhaps not looked hard enough, to find an article that taps the core of the American business; buzz words. Personally, I hate buzz words, 'clik' words, cliches, catch phrases, and management speak (lingo). One of my favorite pet-peeves is the term, 'going forward'. This whole new concept of 'going forward' grates [on my] nerves. I currently work at a large international company. I have moved departments in the last six months. In my previous department we were made to read books and attend classes on 'positive, forward thinking' and 'action items', as well as classes on 'accepting total accountability'. It made me sick. Please, I ask the Slashdot community to share your displeasure or buzz words along with a few of your most hated management catch phrases."

Comments

One that always pissed me off...

[fobside]

"It's time to think outside the box!"

Who the hell created this box anyway, and how do I know when I'm outside of it?

Re:One that always pissed me off...

[canthusus]

On a course, we were told to "think outside the box".

I pointed out that the embedded systems journal uses the motto "Thinking inside the box".

Nine people looked at me blankly. One doubled up laughing. Spot the geek!

Re:People are making up words now.

[charlie763]

"Robusticity" is a prefectly cromulent word here in Springfield.

EMBIGGEN PARENT UP!

[ez76]

Re:I invented a piece of jargon once

[cthugha]

Serves you right. This is a classic example of why the Prime Directive prohibits the introduction to primitive cultures (e.g. the marketing dept.) of concepts beyond their current level of development. Think about the consequences of your actions in future.

From the Working Hard / Hardly Working

[Strange Ranger]

school of humor...

-It's good we're doing this Moving Forward, my time machine is broken.
-I agree on the 5 Action Items, let's call them Tasks for short...
-Hey, don't be Touching My Base.
-That's not Deliverables that's DiGiorno!
-Outside the Box, good idea I need to stretch my legs.
-Value Added? No just for fun.
-Let's Interface? I think that's against corporate policy.

-I didn't Take Ownership, I leased. Now it's John's Action Item. I Thought Outside The Box and Fired It Down the Chain, it's On His Plate now. We're going to Interface on Wednesday. Moving Forward he will be Tasked with this Deliverable. He is Totally Accountable, a real Team Player. So, wanna Do Lunch? Oh I understand if you're Time Constricted. Well it was good we Got This Out On The Table, glad we're On The Same Page with this. We'll Touch Base later, b-bye!

But on the plus side, I do hear a little less of that crap now.

Corporate lingo

[majestynine]

Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; a couple of the
real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Enjoy