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PowerBook, Because Lives Are On The Line
WCityMike writes "Major Shawn Weed, an intelligence planner with the Third Infantry Division, eschewed his Panasonic Toughbook because it wasn't fast enough in processing giant satellite and reconnaissance images. He put in a requisition for and received a PowerBook G4, the only Apple currently being used in the entire Middle East theater. 'Frankly, lives are in the balance here, so the quicker I can get stuff done accurately, the better,' Weed says."
Anyone else find amusement in the parent complaining about credibility, while posting anonymously?
Log in if you want people to take what you say seriously, or even care about what you say at all.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
I am a homosexual. I bought an Apple computer because of its well earned reputation for being "the" gay computer. Since I have become an Apple owner, I have been exposed to a whole new world of gay friends. It is really a pleasure to meet and compute with other homos such as myself. I plan on using my new Apple computer as a way to entice and recruit young schoolboys into the homosexual lifestyle; it would be so helpful if you could produce more software which would appeal to young boys. Thanks in advance.
with much gayness,
Father Randy "Pudge" O'Day, S.J.
Thanks for your letter. Being Catholic myself, I know exactly what you're talking about! It has always been our plan here at Apple Computer Inc to revolutionize personal computing with our high-quality and highly gay products.
I'm happy to answer your letter by letting you know that YES we will be releasing an entire hLife ("homo-life") software line. You'll be able to recognize it in stores by the small stylized logo depicting a large cock entering a tight anus with an Apple logo on it. ("Suddenly it all comes together" indeed!).
Anyway, I hope you and other members of our community will join us on our mission, and purchase the exciting new hLife boxed set. Only the boxed set comes with translucent cock rings!
Sincerely,
Harry Rodman
Vice-president
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
Mods are smot pokin again.
I live in a giant bucket.
The purpose of this letter is to outline a plan to expand people's understanding of Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's insolent bons mots. To begin at the beginning, if Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder were as bright as he thinks he is, he'd know that not only does he take a condescending cheap shot at a person that most disorganized, sinister windbags will never be in a position to condescend to, but he then commands his henchmen, "Go, and do thou likewise." Make special note of that point, because I find that some of his choices of words in his ideologies would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "witless" for "parthenogenetic" and "inconsiderate" for "incontrovertibleness." Every time Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder tells his minions that his intimations are our final line of defense against tyrrany, their eyes roll into the backs of their heads as they become mindless receptacles of unsubstantiated information, which they accept without question. We can never return to the past. And if we are ever to move forward to the future, we sincerely have to hold out the prospect of societal peace, prosperity, and a return to sane values and certainties.
Time has only reinforced that conviction. And that's where we are right now. So don't tell me that the grossly fallacious reasoning behind Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's expositions can be confirmed by some simple fact-checking just because Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder must think that the world has no memory. By framing the question in this way, we see that many people respond to his pugnacious excuses in much the same way that they respond to television dramas. They watch them; they talk about them; but they feel no overwhelming compulsion to do anything about them. That's why I insist we express our concerns about his malignant, uppity practices. I will not say what is right and what is wrong when it comes to his cock-and-bull stories. But I will say one thing: In his harangues, emotionalism is witting and unremitting, squalid and repressive. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to manipulate public understanding of obstructionism.
I am familiar with Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's goals, I understand how he operates, I have long recognized his tactics, and I know just about where Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder now stands on the ladder to total power. I can therefore say that, decidedly, his muddleheaded bromides are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of absolutism are blooming all around us. He maintains that his epithets prevent smallpox. This is hardly the case. Rather, there is growing evidence that says, to the contrary, that if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. This is equivalent to saying that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his actions sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary.
Essentially, I can no longer get very excited about any revelation of his hypocrisy or crookedness. It's what I've come to expect by now. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's catch-phrases are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's theories have nothing to do with freedom and honor but everything to do with gangsterism. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.
Think about it. Often, the lure of an articulate new pundit, a well-financed attention-getting program, an effective audience generator, hot new "inside" information, or a professionally produced exposé is irresistible to feeble-minded vigilantes who want to destroy the natural beauty of our parks and forests. If Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder is going to talk about higher standards, then he needs to live by those higher standards. What a cunning coup on the part of his cronies, who set out to mortgage away our future and got as far as they did without anyone raising an eyebrow. Ghastly survivalists may possess a mass of "knowledge", but their brains are unable to organize and register the material they have taken in. Accompanying this recognition of the indeterminateness of verifiability with regard to an external, objective reality has been a crisis regarding our ability to know that it has been said that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's solutions are based on prejudices and preconceived notions. I, in turn, believe that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder just reported that I'm too postmodernist to offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to keep us hypnotized so we don't lay out some ideas and interpretations that hold the potential for insight.
His comments are pockmarked with bumptious feudalism and other assorted ills. No joke. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's antics symbolize lawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for a few, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. This much is clear: Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder once told his sycophants, "Hey, let's all go out and rally for a cause that is completely void of moral, ethical, or legal validity!" (or words to that effect). Let me try to explain what I mean by that in a single sentence: Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder is unquestionably up to something. I don't know exactly what, but his double standards are a perfect example of overgeneralization and blatant antipluralism. In view of that, it is not surprising that he and his helpers are grungy hoodlums. This is not set down in complaint against them, but merely as analysis.
For those of you out there who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) are counterproductive to society. Let me recap that for you, because it really is extraordinarily important: Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder shouldn't yield this country to the forces of darkness, oppression, and tyranny. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions reinforce the concept of collective guilt that is the root of all prejudice. Whereas he claims that genocide, slavery, racism, and the systematic oppression, degradation, and exploitation of most of the world's people are all entirely justified, I claim that honor means nothing to him. Principles mean nothing to him. All he cares about is how to sensationalize all of the issues. If I withheld my feelings on this matter, I'd be no less prurient than Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder. If I try really, really hard, I can almost see why he would want to convict me without trial, jury, or reading one complete paragraph of this letter. There are some simple truths in this world. First, creating needed understanding is best achieved in a calm, rational environment. Second, I am proud that I'm not among the number of tactless suborners of perjury of this world. And finally, you should never forget the three most important facets of Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's musings, namely their jaded origins, their internal contradictions, and their tendentious nature.
We find among narrow and uneducated minds the belief that things have never been better. This belief is due to a basic confusion, which can be cleared up simply by stating that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's perceptions use a philosophical device of asking one question, answering a completely different question, and then applying that answer to the original question. That conclusion is not based on some sort of self-aggrandizing philosophy or on Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem. All of Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's treatises are paralogistic. Yet the media consistently ignores, downplays, or marginalizes this fact. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder believes that he can walk on water. The real damage that this belief causes actually has nothing to do with the belief itself, but with psychology, human nature, and the skillful psychological manipulation of that nature by Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder and his money-grubbing, demented supporters.
As a parenthetical note, his histrionics are not our only concern. To state the matter in a few words, I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "My message has always been that if stated outright, Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's notions would be manifestly unpopular." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather, because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder thinks we want him to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat. Excuse me, but maybe if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder recently stated that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. He said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. He said it as if he meant it. That's scary, because a great many of us don't want him to relabel millions of people as "batty". But we feel a prodigious societal pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his violent refrains.
He is not only immoral, but amoral. Even giving Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder the benefit of the doubt, he pompously claims that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders". That sort of nonsense impresses many people, unfortunately. He has commented that his canards are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals. I would love to refute that, but there seems to be no need, seeing as his comment is lacking in common sense. The encroachment of crazy epigrams into the social fabric of our politics, our institutions, and our laws would give credence to my claim that Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder feels no guilt for any of the harm he's caused. Sounds pretty raving, doesn't it? But is it any more so than Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's incompetent zingers? And now, to end with a clever bit of doggerel: United we stand. Divided we fall. Dave "Assfuckig Cunt Asshole Ass Philanderer" Schroeder's stinking insinuations will destroy us all.