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Bush Demands Apple Recount
*no comment* writes "In what may be one of the funniest things since MSN's site saying iMac is the best computer, Apple's news site picked up a story from crazyapplerumors about how George Bush is demanding a recount an Al Gore's election to the Apple board." Rumor sites bad, parody sites good. Remember that the next time you ask for a press pass to Macworld.
YHBT. YHL. HAND.
Thanks for your letter. Being Catholic myself, I know exactly what you're talking about! It has always been our plan here at Apple Computer Inc to revolutionize personal computing with our high-quality and highly gay products.
I'm happy to answer your letter by letting you know that YES we will be releasing an entire hLife ("homo-life") software line. You'll be able to recognize it in stores by the small stylized logo depicting a large cock entering a tight anus with an Apple logo on it. ("Suddenly it all comes together" indeed!).
Anyway, I hope you and other members of our community will join us on our mission, and purchase the exciting new hLife boxed set. Only the boxed set comes with translucent cock rings!
Sincerely,
Harry Rodman
Vice-president
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
From pudge's blog:
I keep hearing people say things like "Bush wasn't elected," as if there were some truth to the statement. I hoped it was just bitterness at defeat that would eventually die down. But apparently the bitterness or blindness of some knows no bounds. So let me set the record straight, once and for all.
Bush was elected. There is no sense in which it is correct to say that he was not. We have a system of elections, determined by written law, and that system and law was followed at every step.
Some say Bush didn't win the "national popular" vote, as if the total number of votes means anything. It doesn't. Our law defines an electoral college system, and there is no such thing as a national popular vote.
Some say the Supreme Court of the United States stepped in and handed the election to Bush, as if the Supreme Court is not the final arbiter of Constitutionality of election law. It is such, as defined in Article II Section 1 and Amendment 14.
Some say that the decision of the Supreme Court was invalid because it was partisan, that if you look at the 5-4 decision, it is the conservatives voting in favor of Bush, with the liberals in favor of Gore. Actually, the decision that the Florida recount was unconstitutional by breach of due process was 7-2, including all but the two most liberal members of the court; if the vote was partisan by vote makeup as we've been told, then it was the two liberals who were partisan. Of course, even if the decision in Bush's favor were partisan, it wouldn't invalidate the election (despite damaging the integrity of the Supreme Court), but this is just another example of people ignoring the facts of the matter.
So you can disagree with the outcome, but you cannot reasonably say that Bush didn't win the election, unless you believe the election procedures should be determined by something other than the law that defines them, and our system of law that interprets them. To continue to say he wasn't elected is to ignore the factual truth of the matter.
WARNING -- The link to "tubgirl.jpg" on this parent is disgusting and wrong. DO NOT FOLLOW IT!!!
/. moderators should remove the link as it is simply inappropriate and disgusting. As a frequent Reader/Moderator, there is no such feature - but there should be for CowboyNeal
Senior
Word to the wise:
When you see that this troll has been modded up, it's usually because the AC that posted it has mod points to burn on his futile little crusade... Hence the reason you got smacked down to -1 so quickly.
P.S. I think you might be on the right track with the 'living in the parent's basement' issue, this character manages to tack the same troll to every Apple post within 30 minutes of its posting... Fiscal/Academic Responsibilities = 0.0
I hate Grammar Nazi's
Let there be no doubt that the entire Winnie-the-Pooh franchise is little more than a covert psychosexual universe dominated by perverse creatures each representing some form of acute sexual dysfunction.
Let's take the subject of this film first: Piglet. Referred to by the studio itself as "the little pink guy," can there be any doubt that Piglet is a thinly-veiled euphemism for that most shunned of Hollywood problems -- the small penis? Obviously, the small penis can take on many forms, not just the most literal interpretation of a man whose sexual organ is tiny and purposeless. In Hollywood, a small penis, or the reference to such, can signal a man who is incapable of making risky decisions or will never rise to a level of success worthy of respect. The whole concept that such a man is worthy of respect, or that a man with an exceedingly small sexual unit should be looked upon as anything more than a freakish, inhuman, malfunctioning creature of God, is intimately wrapped up in this film, for it is not merely called "Piglet's Movie," but "Piglet's Big Movie." Furthermore, the Pooh universe takes place in the "100 Acre Wood." Given that an acre is a unit of land mass considered rather large and "wood" a well-accepted euphemism for an erection, the creatures' attempts to explore this area represents a search for fantastic-yet-unattainable levels of sexual fulfillment. Each dreams of that mystical, large erection. Sadly, such a thing can never be achieved and the movie's stated purpose for Piglet, that he will be "useful" and "respected," never really transpires.
And what of the story's most central character: Winnie-the-Pooh? He is clearly an anal association, a symbol of the surprisingly common dysfunction of defecating during sex. The Journal of Sexual Dysfunction noted recently that among those "engaged in the film industry," an astounding 73% experienced "some form of bowel release during sexual intercourse." In the parlance of underground Hollywood, this has become known as a "Winnie the Pooh," an obvious and rather pathetic attempt to put a positive spin on a profoundly embarrassing act. In the movie's own language, this connection is emphasized when Pooh renames "Pooh Corner," "Pooh and Piglet Corner," thus linking one dysfunction with another and indicating that Piglet can only achieve "usefulness" and "respect" within the confines of his dysfunctional circle of friends. Furthermore, it's important to remember that Winnie the Pooh is a bear who walks around with no pants on. He represents, for all intents and purposes, the castrated male, as he has no sexual organs. If Piglet symbolizes the penis, then "Pooh and Piglet" corner is the reconnection of the castrated man with his disassociated member and the triumph over sexual dysfunction.
This fear of sexual dysfunction and the attempts to process its various outcomes are also revealed through the film's lone female character: Kanga. Kanga, who is a kangaroo, is a source of fear amongst the five central characters: Pooh, Piglet, Rabbit, Eyeore and Tigger. The reason? They witness Roo entering Kanga's pouch. The source of their fear is obvious: witnessing a female for the first time, the revelation of a perceived cavity where one might disappear proves to be too overwhelming, precisely because each of the characters represents some dysfunction that guarantees failure in that area. The size of the hole within the female exposes the male characters' fear that their manhood might be lost inside. Each knows that entering the cavity would be fraught with danger: Pooh (bowel movement), Piglet (small penis), Rabbit (erectile dysfunction associated with age), Eyeore (slow mental process) and Tigger (premature ejaculation) all find the prospect daunting. Ultimately, the only reason they accept Kanga as a member of the 100 Acre Wood is because she's the mother of Roo. Were Roo not present to establish the link between the pouch and parenthood, it's likely that Winnie the Pooh and friends would have raped Kanga and thrown her mangled body in a hole somewhere.
Parents may wish to reconsider whether Winnie the Pooh is suitable entertainment for their children.
Why oh why do I read at -1, I must like the punishment or something, anyone having stew for dinner tonight.