T-Shirt Cannon

SnakeStu writes "If you thought the T-shirts at ThinkGeek were cool, imagine them flying 160 feet through the air (courtesy of Crawford International Theatrical Corporation [CITC])."

Comments

Mac users communism!

[Anonymous Coward]

Though our Christian special agents are working tirelessly around to clock to protect
us from box-cutter wielding Muslim Jihadists, there is
another, even larger threat to the fragile fabric of American society
- the Apple Macintosh Computer.
Throughout the modern age of the computer, many systems have come and gone;
the ASX-20, ATARI, UNIX, DOS, MicroSOFT Windows, Lunix, etc. The aura of of their
integrity established in their users a feeling of complacency, rooted in the almost
metabolic evolution of the user-interface and the constant addition of increased
processor power. But while all this innovation and brainwork was occuring, elsewhere
a new menace to the computing world was being developed, an unforseeable scourge to the then
productive and profitable computing industry.
In 1965, during the hight of the Cold War, the Soviet Union had been experimenting
with various types of computer systems. What they needed was a single computer that
was compact enough to fit into a garden-variety locker room cubby, yet powerful
enough to manage the Empire's nuclear weapons systems. Assigned to the task was
the noted Russian computer scientist, Boris A. Smerdyakov. Smerdyakov quicky immigrated
to the US, under the guise of a Faberge egg salesmen, in order to cash in on
the the information available in our superior Capitalist system.
Once in the States, Smerdyakov quickly began working on his project. He
established a front company named "Apple" (an obvious reference to the apple
bitten by Eve, forever causing humans to sin). He codenamed his project
"Macintosh", a concatenation of the popular hip-hop song "Mac'in my hoes on the street"
and "Toshin' the salad", a sexual technique commonly used in the Gulag. He then gathered
all the finest minds in the computer field Tiajuana had to offer, and began work on
the much anticipated Macintosh system.
Now, one must remember that during this time, there were not such things as what we
today refer to as "mice". The user had to rely solely on his keyboard to operate
the computer, which resulted in many painful repetitive stress injuries. One morning
while munching on a fine breakfast of eggs and Cap'n Crunch Berries, a new idea came
to Smerdyakov - you could use a rolling ball hooked up to the computer to easily
manipulate text on the screen! He then devised the first prototype of the mouse using
a cap'n crunch berry attached to a rig of toothpicks. But during the time, Smerdyakov
was limited by the cast on his broken right arm, and thus designed his mouse around it,
which explains why this day all Macintoshes are equipped with one-button mice.
To get back to the important matter at hand, time was quickly running out for
Smerdyakov and his crack-team of computer geeks. He had been working on project Macintosh
for well over 3 years, and had failed to produce satisfactory results. All of his
ideas for the project quickly proved not to work, and he was stuck in a stand-still.
Then, almost out of nowhere, as it were a revelation sent from Christ himself, an idea
occured to him - he would design a friendly logo to place on the outside of the system
case, and in this logo, plant a tiny micro-computer that would secretly transmit data
back and forth from the Kremlin, and use the system's resources to process the data.
But, of course, one single computer possesses nowhere near the processing power required
to analyze literally -thousands- of bytes of data. Which is why Smerdyakov decided to
produce literally millions, of these systems, and market them to families across the
United States. This way, he could achieve the end of managing the Soviet Missle System,
-and- make a profit by selling computers to the common man. I hope all users of Macintosh
systems are exposed to this abominable threat, and know that every time they power up
there good ole' Mac, they are unwillingly aiding Lenin and Marx in their quest to destroy
freedom everywhere!

shout outs to Greg H. and Erik S.