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Apple To Make "Music To Your Ears" Announcement
supa_k writes "According to an offical Apple invitation sent to the good folks at
MacCentral, on April 28th
Apple will make 'announcements that will be music to your ears.' It remains to be seen if this involves a purchase of Universal - something Apple offically denied just a few days ago but it will undoubtedly be the announcement of their online music subscription service and the other announcement will surely be new iPods."
...that it's really just going to be an opportunity to get drunk with Jobs and listen to Doobie Brothers really loud
Remember kiddies...mall employees thousands of miles from Apple HQ know all of the company's secrets!
Steve personally calls each and every retail employee every night with the latest "dirt"!
When a retail employee says "I don't know" or "Apple hasn't announced a G7, you weirdo", they are actually saying "Apple confirms your suspicions. Please post on SpyMac."
A press release announcing that there will be some announcement made next week, and it's a frontpage story on Slashdot?
News sure ain't what it used to be.
When all you have is an axe, everything looks like a grindstone.
...something Apple offically denied just a few days ago...
Who is their spokesman, Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf (aka Baghdad Bob)?
Karma: The shiznight, mostly because I am the Drizzle.
/me only trusts crazyapplerumors.com
No, Apple is going with AAC. I think slashdotters tend to overestimiate the importance of OGG. Like "if only Apple would add OGG support to their iPod they'd sell a million more of them! Shooting themselves in the foot again. WTF is their problem??" Reality: if they did go to the trouble and expense nobody* would notice.
* Well not "nobody" exactly. About 27 people on slashdot would notice, but only after arguing viciously for months about whether or not Apple implimented it correctly, after which approximately 2 of those 27 would actually purchase an iPod.
You like your Macintosh better than me, don't you Dave? Dave? Can you hear me Dave?
Recently, Apple Computer was approached by beings from the Planet Zog. Zog is the richest planet in known space and all its inhabitants are so intelligent that it has no concept of intellectual property, since anybody is capable of inventing anything he, she or it needs as and when necessary. All Zog software is Open Source, mostly written in VLIW assembler by users as and when required.
Unfortunately the Zog economy is somewhat overheated, despite a rise in income tax to 99%, and Zog is looking for a way to lose some cash. They have offered to merge Apple with a Zog publicly owned corporation called "We really are Universal Music" (ZSE: WRUM), the present stockholders of Apple to retain 51% of the equity.
The idea is to introduce a music-on-demand service by which music will be directly downloaded from Zog. Zog has no equivalent of the DMCA since even the cheapest Zog pseudopodheld can crack any form of encryption on the fly, and has been recording the entire data output of the Earth for the last hundred years on the Ogg recorder in some Zog kid's bedroom. To encourage takeup of the service. the new corporation will give away all its hardware and software free for the next 20 years, and offer to replace all Macs in the field free of charge with new terahertz systems running OS MDCLX.
Jobs then demonstrated the new direct thought to text input PowerBook G93000 which projects a virtual reality 3-D image into the entire visual field, runs for a year on an AAA battery and weighs half an ounce.
Following the announcement, Microsoft shares rose $3 and Apple shares were $12 down at close of trading. The usual suspects predicted the demise of Apple within 3 weeks, citing the failure to keep up technically with the PC market, and Steve Jobs was slightly injured by a troll from slashdot complaining about file copy speed on a 9600/300. ...try to keep posts on topic
Panurge has posted for the last time. Thanks for the positive moderations.