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Suing Telemarketers Made Simple
Lord of the Distinctive Rings writes "Telemarketer calls victim in wee hours. Victim is lawyer. Victim sues telemarketer. Hilarity ensues, as recounted in narrative replete with links and information on how you too can sue up the wazoo." Well, one's certainly not ever going to get rich or anything going after telemarketers on a one-off basis, but every bit helps, I think.
Ring....Please Ring..
Hrm... unsolicited telephone calls using an automated voice that doesn't clearly identify the business or person?
Shit... I should have stayed on the line those last 12 time whoever the prerecorded hell it was called and tried to offer me a Disney vacation... I could have afforded to go by now...
Kierthos
Mr. Hu is not a ninja.
It's about time people do something. Let me recall two funny incidents: Brother in-law: "Yes, Oh? I get something free? What's that? Oh that sounds great... What else can you guys offer me?"... (Ten minutes later)... "Well, can I talk to your supervisor? Thank you. .... Yes, I hear you have some great offers, but you see, Colorado has a no-call list and if you don't honor that ..."
The hilarity of the situation was the fact that i'm sure they thought they had another sale, then it turns into another 20 minute lecture.
The best transaction was from my stepfather, while my friends and I were watching a movie in the living room.
"Hello? Umm... let me check. IS MR. HIND-ER-LITER HERE (pronounced incorrectly of course)?" (In another yelling voice, somewhat feminized this time, he replies to himself) "NO, HE'S NOT BACK FROM HIS PAROLE MEETING FOR KILLING THAT SALESMAN." (back to his voice) "OH, THAT'S RIGHT. No, I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone right now. Bye."
Makes me wonder how much of these funny things do go on...
I, like the person who wrote the article, live in DC, and have been bothered by a pre-recorded telemarketer...in this case, a "non profit" that seems not to exist except as a front to accept donations. I'd elaborate more, but I'm off to the courthouse now...:)
For your security, this post has been encrypted with ROT-13, twice.
I once did this with an automated recording. I discovered by chance that hitting '7' on my phone caused the recording to start over, so I spent a bored afternoon hitting 7 and tying up their system for a little over an hour. I was watching TV at the time, so pressing a button on the phone every minute or two wasn't that much of an inconvenience.
Did you leave out the 'E' at the end?
Whenever a telemarketer calls me, I always keep them on the phone and use this fun script against them! It's generally a great time for me and everyone in my vicinity.
Five Dolla Moddy-Moddy?
"Greetings friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it. And send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay! Eternal happiness is just a dollar away."
The neutrality of this sig is disputed.
Back in college, we were on the A-list for credit card bills. Hardly a day would go by when I wouldn't get a fat envelope of "You've Been Pre-Approved" nonsense, or a phone call at around 7 in the evening. Anyway, eventually, a simple "I'm not interested" *click* wouldn't do. So, we got creative, and decided to have some fun.
Eventually, one of my roomates, Matt, discovered the best solution. Once, a telemarketer called, and asked, "Are you Matthew *****"? His reply: "I don't know". Yes, that's right. "I don't know". As in, "I don't even know my own name, I'm definitely not responsible enough to own my own credit card. You must have dialed into a Home by mistake. Try this number again and Big Nurse will open up a can of tele-whoopass on you". Needless to say, he wasn't bothered for another three months. Before that, it was about twice a week. And that, my fellow readers, is how to get rid of telemarketers.
Keeping them on the phone is a good idea!
While reading these comments (at 9:15am), I got a call from an obvious telemarketer (couldn't pronounce my dad's name right...) so I decided to keep them on the phone, just to see how long they would actually wait (I'm unemployed, and living at home, so I've got nothing but time on my hands). I told her to hold on while I got my dad, and proceeded to just sit there listening. I didn't say another word for the entire 13 minutes and 42 seconds that the telemarketer actually waited for me to come back! I almost burst out laughing several times when I heard her sigh or start humming a little tune.
It brought a smile to my face on an otherwise boring, unemployed day of my life...
Sorry, but I don't buy the "but he was just an honest businessman who made a mistake" line.
He bought an autodialer with the expressed intent of telemarketing his business. He knew that what he was doing is held in very low regard by the general population, and he did it anyway.
The arguement you often hear of "but I was just trying to make a living" applies equally well to crack dealers as to telemarketers.
In fact:
Wowbagger's top 5 reasons why crack dealers are better than telemarketers
5) Some people actually WANT what the crack dealer sells.
4) Crack dealers don't knock on my door while I'm having dinner and say "You want to buy some crack?"
3) When you tell them you aren't interested, crack dealers leave you alone.
2) Crack dealers don't give your name and number to other people (except, perhaps, to law enforcement).
1) Crack dealers AREN'T TELEMARKETERS!
www.eFax.com are spammers
That reminds me of the time my parent's answering machine got into an infinite loop with an autodialler. Somehow, the answering machine beep caused the spiel to restart and that spiel ended with a beep. That beep, I guess, was misinterpreted as an attempt to access the remote "check my messages" feature of the answering machine. The password failure resulted in the same beep. Which, if you see above, caused the spiel to restart -- and end with a beep.
The 60 minute tape was filled with the same spiel 60 times in a row with two beeps to seperate.
Although he passed away six years ago, my home phone is still in my grandfather's name.
I frequently get marketing calls for my grandfather, and I've found that the BEST response is:
"I'm sorry, he's dead. Can I take a message?"
They very rarely leave messages, although one or two have asked when would be a better time call back.
If you really want to keep them guessing, throw in a pinch of cornstarch.
Like others, I have used otherwise unproductive time to play with these people.
Instead of asking them to hold on or following a script I enjoy the opportunity of letting my imagination run wild. I find the funniest exchanges take place with plain old phone sex. If you're good you can keep them on the line for more than 15 minutes. The object is to keep them on the line until YOU decide to end the call.
Start with-
Are you wearing underwear? What color?
Ask if they're touching themself during the call. Tell them you are.
Ask if they are over 18. If they say yes, ask if they would like to meet in person. Tell them you will send them a plane ticket. Or tell them you'll meet them at the side door at the end of their shift.
They either won't know what to say or will tell you the call is being recorded. Say "I know... I listen to my tapes late at night..."
You get the idea.
Wait until Friday afternoon:
1] If the return fax is an 800 # great!
2] If not make sure your fax # is on an unlimited long distance plan
3] Tape 3-4... 8.5 by 11 sheets together
4] Write on them "UNSOLICITED FAXING IS AGAINST FEDRAL LAW!!!!"
5] Feed into fax machine and tape the first sheet to the last sheet.
6] Program the return fax # into your fax.
7] Hit send key !!!
8] If you feel like it stop the call on Monday, unless you have already run the junk faxer out of paper and the call is already stopped!
"Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it" Richard Feynman