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Yoda, Gollum Take MTV Awards
zoobaby writes "MTV has given the LoTR franchise credit for spectactular work with Gollum. After being snubbed by the Academy Awards, it is nice to see recognition given to one of the most expressive and best acted roles in recent films."
Have the first post, I do.
Once upon a time whilst walking in a park I asked a geek "Do you have a girlfriend?". He responded with a very puzzled look. "A girlfriend?," he mused, "Who is the developer?". I chuckled and told him this was not an open source project. He then became slightly angry and inquired, "Are you trying to insult me? Only the best geeks use open source only! What planet are you living on?!". I reassured him I was well aware of his integrity as a geek (white skin, clumsy, pants that are too short, lack of daily shower, pocket protector etc), and explained, "A girlfriend is a female who to a male (most oftenly a male) has an intimate friendship." He gave me a very confused look. "I have never heard of such a thing.. this.. g-g-irlfriend?" He asked me, sounding very baffled. "I have heard of friends before, those pets other people have. But what is this thing you say.. Grill?". "Girl," I corrected. Then I asked him to sit down on a bench nearby so I could explain it too him, the poor, helpless thing. I told him that for human beings to reproduce, sexual intercourse must occur between a male and a female. "Perhaps you hear the trolls mention a thing called "pussy" on slashdot?". The geek burst into laughter, "Haha, you have been browsing at -1 lately, haven't you? You know that is just troll talk. Those silly trolls never have anything intelligent to say."
My face turned serious. "My dear geek, are you not aware of the female population amongst you? Do you not stare in the street and want to hump a post when you pass by a hot, slim, gorgeous looking chick with a firm bust and well sculpted ass?". The geek immediately began to appear as if he was having a nervous breakdown. His glasses began to fog up and he took them off to wipe them with this linux embroidered shirt, "I think I know what you are talking about. Those things are icky. They have cooties. Get away from me!" I felt offended. "Nonsense, I pleaded! Pussy is a beautiful thing. A sacred thing that you should strive to give pleasure to." The geek would not listen and he began to cry. "STOP IT!! You are EVIL!!" He then, quite geekishly, skipped off down the path.
I walked back to my house feeling rather disheartened. 'Why don't they listen to me' I asked myself? When I got home my girlfriend opened the door. She was wearing short-shorts and a sports bra. She had been doing the thigh master for the past 30 minutes and was sweating. I could see her dark nipples underneath her slightly damp bra. Oh god I could fuck her to the moon and back. I could smell her horniness the second I took my shoes off. I chased her, both of us laughing, to our bedroom [THE FOLLOWING has been censored for the well-being of geeks].... Six hours later, finally satisfied a little, I sat up and noticed that same geek hiding in the trees. He had been watching us the entire time. I swear his penis had to have been the size of a fucking horse cock (not bad for a geek, i might add), and he appeared as if he had gone into a state of shock. I could see cum stains forming near the bulge of his pant zipper. I thought to myself. There is one geek, finally brought into the real world.
Elven Pist, biatches !
Once upon a time whilst walking in a park I asked a geek "Do you have a girlfriend?". He responded with a very puzzled look. "A girlfriend?," he mused, "Who is the developer?". I chuckled and told him this was not an open source project. He then became slightly angry and inquired, "Are you trying to insult me? Only the best geeks use open source only! What planet are you living on?!". I reassured him I was well aware of his integrity as a geek (white skin, clumsy, pants that are too short, lack of daily shower, pocket protector etc), and explained, "A girlfriend is a female who to a male (most oftenly a male) has an intimate friendship." He gave me a very confused look. "I have never heard of such a thing.. this.. g-g-irlfriend?" He asked me, sounding very baffled. "I have heard of friends before, those pets other people have. But what is this thing you say.. Grill?". "Girl," I corrected. Then I asked him to sit down on a bench nearby so I could explain it too him, the poor, helpless thing. I told him that for human beings to reproduce, sexual intercourse must occur between a male and a female. "Perhaps you hear the trolls mention a thing called "pussy" on slashdot?". The geek burst into laughter, "Haha, you have been browsing at -1 lately, haven't you? You know that is just troll talk. Those silly trolls never have anything intelligent to say."
My face turned serious. "My dear geek, are you not aware of the female population amongst you? Do you not stare in the street and want to hump a post when you pass by a hot, slim, gorgeous looking chick with a firm bust and well sculpted ass?". The geek immediately began to appear as if he was having a nervous breakdown. His glasses began to fog up and he took them off to wipe them with this linux embroidered shirt, "I think I know what you are talking about. Those things are icky. They have cooties. Get away from me!" I felt offended. "Nonsense, I pleaded! Pussy is a beautiful thing. A sacred thing that you should strive to give pleasure to." The geek would not listen and he began to cry. "STOP IT!! You are EVIL!!" He then, quite geekishly, skipped off down the path.
I walked back to my house feeling rather disheartened. 'Why don't they listen to me' I asked myself? When I got home my girlfriend opened the door. She was wearing short-shorts and a sports bra. She had been doing the thigh master for the past 30 minutes and was sweating. I could see her dark nipples underneath her slightly damp bra. Oh god I could fuck her to the moon and back. I could smell her horniness the second I took my shoes off. I chased her, both of us laughing, to our bedroom [THE FOLLOWING has been censored for the well-being of geeks].... Six hours later, finally satisfied a little, I sat up and noticed that same geek hiding in the trees. He had been watching us the entire time. I swear his penis had to have been the size of a fucking horse cock (not bad for a geek, i might add), and he appeared as if he had gone into a state of shock. I could see cum stains forming near the bulge of his pant zipper. I thought to myself. There is one geek, finally brought into the real world.
Geek, I know it makes you uncomfortable when things involve the opposite sex. I mean, being that you are scared of the booty it must be tough. But come on. This is pussy. You don't complain. (BTW, Aimee Deep, i want to suck your puss til you scream)
My name is Frodo, and this is a story of how a few innocent actions resulted in my undoing.
It all started one hot summer afternoon, as my ass was recovering from another of our wild open source orgies. As usual, I'd been on the receiving end of several huge anal cocks but was never allowed to play the giver role, probably because my three-incher would have gone almost unnoticed to their goatse-like crimson caverns.
In the lack of anything better to do, I logged onto the secret discussion group we have disguised as a tech site . Amidst the numerous coded hints about future orgies and homosexual techniques, something caught my eye: a posting from someone claiming to be a Linux Booth Babe looking for a man. Whilst I knew this could not be entirely true as no real woman would ever even think about associating herself with the Linux operating system (most of them don't even use proper PCs, for fucks sake, preferring those hideous Apple monstrosities) I was intrigued as to who might have actually posted it. If it was a man pretending to be a woman, maybe it was someone who enjoyed playing the woman's role? With nothing to lose, I composed a few words about myself and sent them to the helpfully provided email link.
In a few days, I would learn the truth. An email appeared in my inbox with a mysterious, European looking sender name...Sumdeus something or other, admitting that he - yes he, just as I thought - was the mysterious Linux Booth Babe, but with some story that he was just doing it for a joke....yeah, right, I've heard that one before - no-one ever actually says they dont like you, they just make up some other excuse to reject you (I believe in the breeder world it's called the washing my hair excuse). Well I wasn't about to give up that easily this time, so I instigated the Backup Plan.
Using my l33t haxoring skills learned over the years at Linux parties (mostly face down, natch) I launched my N-Map haxoring tool (which I named in honour of one of the Nasty Mega Anal Penetrator, one of the first toys I remember being used on me) against the address from which this email came. The truth was even more exciting than I had hoped for: Summy, as I hoped to call him in the height of passion, was a young college boy who probably had a real tight ass that would, at least in the first instance (and I think I stood a good chance of being his first) be an appreciative receptacle for my small sausage and its creamy sauce!
But how to make contact? Using the email again would be a no-no, as it was almost certainly abandoned by now. I had to use a more subtle way of getting his attention...
Along rolled the Saturday night party. I revealed my dilemma (and a few other things) to my good friend, one of the group ringleaders known only as Big Rob, who suggested that I put some sort of coded message on a webpage, and post a link where the guy hangs out. The following day, that is exactly what I did, but then all hell broke loose - now the guy thinks I'm some kind of stalker, and not only that, he and his friends are trashing my reputation everywhere I go! It's making my life unbearable. What can I do? Someone help me......
In light of this concern over the opinions of MTV, I offer you my services. You see, I live near both an elementary and middle school. I'm in a perfect position to randomly ask any of the more braindead kids shambling around here their opinions on movies. While I don't understand why anyone would care, I also don't see how anyone could care what their even more insipid TV network thinks.
Bit of my dick: Suck it.
Love, Phosphor3k
Right!!! Stop ruining our fun so we can get back to our paedo-tentaclerape anime!!! MMMMM I LOVE SUCKING COCK
Moderation +2
100% Down With Big Business
Extra 'Down With Big Business' Modifier 0 (Edit)
Total Score: 3
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