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A Model End Vendor License Agreement
Teese writes "Low End Mac is presenting this article as a humor piece, but its vision of an End Vendor License Agreement seems to be pretty well thought out, and one that I wouldn't mind seeing in the real world."
Dear rotten.com, I am unsure if you are aware of the problems that your "Incident with the bird" picture has caused on the popular technology website slashdot (http://slashdot.org).
Many users of this site's messageboards are posting links to http://smoke.rotten.com/bird/ and making text based representations of a bird on a man's penis. Frankly, while I am pro-freedom, this type of photo sickens me. Could you please move the location of the bird page on your site to keep slashdot readers from seeing things that are completeley unrelated to computers and technology? I'm not asking you to remove the content, just to relocate it.
FYI the text representation of the bird is:
*p_e_n_i_s_b_i_r_d_p_e_n_i_s_b_i_r_d_*
p______...___________________________p
e____(_..__`'-.,--,__________________e
n_____'-._'-.__`\a\\_________________n
i_________'.___.'_(|_________________i
s____________7____||_________________s
b___________/___.'_|_________________b
i__________/_.-'__,J_________________i
r_________/_________\________________r
d________||___/______;_______________d
*________||__|_______|_______________*
p________`\__\_______|__/__''\_______p
e__________'._\______/.-`____{}|_____e
n___________/\_`;_.-'_________/______n
i___________\_;(((____.--'\_/________i
s_________.(((_____.-;\______________s
b____.--'`_____,;`'.'-;\_____________b
i_taco's____.'____'._.'\\____________i
r_dick_--'_________|__\_|____________r
d__________________\_\,_/____________d
*p_e_n_i_s_b_i_r_d_p_e_n_i_s_b_i_r_d_*
with a link to the offensive site (http://smoke.rotten.com/bird/) underneath, these "Penis Birds" are posted by Penis Bird Guy, Penis Bird MAN and several other users.
Regards, Andrew J. Tosh
DAILY REMINDER: Hillary Clinton doesn't just stand by...she actively works to offshore American High-Tech!
Dear Apple:
I bought an Apple computer because of its native support for teledildonics. I bought a USB FUFME and MacOS immediately recognized it and installed drivers instantly! As a gay Catholic priest who often can't be at the altar all the time, you can understand how the ability to have sex with children whilst on the airplane with my Powerbook and wireless internet service is a lifesaver.
I just have a single question, will Apple be releasing a firewire version of the FUFME anytime soon?
With much gayness,
Father "Michael" Harris
Thanks for your letter. Being Catholic myself, I know exactly what you're talking about! It has always been our plan here at Apple Computer Inc to revolutionize personal computing with our high-quality and highly gay products.
I'm happy to answer your letter by letting you know that YES we will be releasing an entire hLife ("homo-life") software line. You'll be able to recognize it in stores by the small stylized logo depicting a large cock entering a tight anus with an Apple logo on it. ("Suddenly it all comes together" indeed!).
Anyway, I hope you and other members of our community will join us on our mission, and purchase the exciting new hLife boxed set. Only the boxed set comes with translucent cock rings!
Sincerely,
Harry Rodman
Vice-president
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
Dear Father Harris:
Thank you for your kind letter! Being a former Catholic priest myself, I know exactly what you are talking about! It has been our dream at Apple Computers ever since we began in the 80's to shape the homosexual experience with the ultimate computer.
I can answer your letter by saying that YES we will indeed be making a firewire version of the FUFME. With the additional bandwidth offered by the firewire bus, we will be able to more accurately record and deliver more minute and subtle movements that the USB FUFME simply couldnt support due to lack of bandwidth. You will be able to recognize our firewire FUFME in stores by the fancy holographic logo of a cock entering an Apple.
We are glad to help loyal customers such as yourself. If you ever have any more questions, feel free to drop a line (or connect to my teledildonic FUFME server on fufme://cockman.apple.com).
Hugh G. Cockman
President
Homosexual Liaison Services
Apple Computer, Inc.
Hey, it's late here (2.00am) and when I first looked at that story headline I misread Vendor as Vader.
For a split second, I could just see Vader (SCO) throttling the commander of the Rebel blockade runner (Linus, representing the Linux community) at the start of SW:ANH:
Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who struggles in vain.
VADER (SCO): Where are those transmissions you intercepted?
Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.
VADER: What have you done with those plans?
REBEL OFFICER (Linus): We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah....This is a
consular ship. Were on a diplomatic mission.
VADER: If this is a consular ship...were is the Ambassador?
The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out as the Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat, creating a gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes limp. Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns to his troops (SCO lawyers).
VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those plans and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!
The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways.
Like I said, it's late.
"Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue." - David Brent, Wernham Hogg
I think SuSE is best for you.
This is because SuSE, as you, is dying, just SuSE is taking Linux RedHat world with it, but my RedHat is sitting pretty right now whereas you are not.
Interesting analysis, presented as an original and convincing argument. I honestly can't see a problem here, and I accept it wholeheartedly. I recommend others do the same.
Wow. Manages to work in MAC=GAY in a story that has NoTHING to do with Macs or Gayness. Sure likes writing about gayness a lot. :/
Actually, pitbulls can be quite good with small animals. They're only bred to be dog aggressive, not small animal aggressive. They're no worse with small critters as every other dog out there (Mine is A.O.K. with small animals).
In fact they're quite good with children too...
When I am at work and I try to post here it says this:
You can't post to this page.
Can anyone help me with this problem?