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Sorting the Spam from the Ham
MrClever writes "The Sydney Morning Herald (Aust) is running an article about the merits of Bayesian filtering and a good plain-english description of how it works. Might be handy if you need to explain it to non-technophiles. The main thing that may be useful is a Bayesian spam filter written to drop straight into Outlook 2k/XP available here and written in Python by Mark Hammond."
Math buffs might enjoy reading
these pages
or browsing
this writeup
and its many links.
But without spam, I wouldn't get any email!
I get to do something to stop my boss from enlarging his penis anymore... It's really starting to hurt.
I went to battle MC Escher but drew a blank
And if you could, would you really want to?
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't shit with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1, 000, 000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.
--
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
"Study your math, kids. Key to the universe." -The Archangel Gabriel
I've now lost one of my primary arguments for switching my colleagues to Mozilla!
Trouble making decisions? Just flip for it.
What I want is physical pain upon the sender whenever spam is sent. *THAT* would be much better I think :]
Hell, even a fee or mental anguish would suffice...
Would you use the phone if you had to listen to a 10-second brothel advertisement every time you made a call?
Yes.
Definately Yes.
Is that a feature I can have added?
http://use.perl.org
You've obviously never received email from an AOL user!
I hate spam just as much as the next person, but I must admit, without it I wouldn't be the horse-sized love stud that I am. Thanks spam.
The company that I am at now is a financial services one - dealing largely with hedge funds.
The term "asset" shows up in 90% of our mail - it is amusing how many issues the companies in our sector have with poorly written filters that think "asset" is a bad word.
I suggested that we start referring to the same concept as "fuckerbabies" but it hasn't caught on yet.
There are some odd things afoot now, in the Villa Straylight.
A Bayesian filter that reads personal ads, compares them to ads posted by women who are KNOWN to have been "easy" (on a sliding scale, configurable, ranging from "mildly slutty" to "dangerously psychotic nymphomaniac"), and returns a list of likely phone numbers.
Hell, I'd pay MONEY for a piece of software THAT good (Hmm, clickety-click, select "nymphomanic", enter search site... Ah! This one has an oral fixation! Thank you, Mr. Bayes!).
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
I DON'T LIKE SPAM! I DON'T LIKE SPAM! I DON'T LIKE SPAM!
I can't understand why none of my emails ever get through. Let me start by first introducing myself, I am Dr. Zork the Almighty, a manager at the SOCIETE GENERALE BANK NIG. LTD. Lagos. I have come across your name in a private search for a reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential transaction. I am looking for a foriegn partner to assist in a transaction involving FIVE BILLION US$ currently in an escrow account.
In Soviet America the banks rob you!