Tooth Whitening Products?

DentistsScareMe! asks: "I'll admit it: I've got yellow-stained teeth, and it bugs the hell out of me. I've seen ads (infomercials) over the past few years, but knew them to be mostly hoax products and have steered clear. But now I've noticed the more major (and reputable) pharmaceutical companies jumping into the act, offering their own products. They're moderately expensive ($30-$50), but I'd be willing to foot the large sum _if_ I knew how well they worked. Their ads claim clinical proof, but what exactly does that mean? Did a researcher test the drug on a sample of people to measure effectiveness? Does use of the phrase 'clinically proven' require anything like FDA approval? Has anyone out there used any such product, or know someone who has? Care to comment on how well it has worked?"

Comments

IANAD

[PD]

I am not a Dentist! Now that's a new one for Slashdot.

Seriously though, they work. Even the cheap ones work. At least they won't hurt you if you follow the directions, and if they do, I'm not a lawyer either, nor am I a millionaire that you can win money from. Before I spend a pile of dough I'd try a cheap one from the drugstore first. But that's me, and my teeth aren't yellow.

"it makes my mouth feel great"

[acidrain]

With this advert for first post, I'm assuming that slashdot has finally sold it's soul. They ran the ask slashdot, and then this first post and got $10k from Crest. Or Cliff is trying to get Cmdr. Taco to brush. Or... one of the editorial staff has taken up trolling. I guess if I was a Slashdot editor I would start trolling like this too. Hell I would have done it a long time ago. Ok, everyone move along. Nothing to see here.

Welcome to /.'s new ad affiliate program.

[pb]

Well, not exactly new; many open source projects have been signed on for years, as well as some has-been writers and editors, and more recently some p2p companies as well, some government lobbies, the occasional tech press release or product endorsement, and a few anime and game production houses. But Crest is our first mainstream corporate client outside of the IT industry!

Please give them a warm welcome; you'll be seeing more of them at least every month, with specials on such riveting topics as tooth whitening, OSS in dentistry, the importance of regular check-ups, and more on the government's nefarious conspiracy with the snack food industry.

Ask Slashdot: Antifungal Treatments?

[flockofseagulls]

I'll admit it: I've got fungus growing in my genital area and between my toes, and it bugs the hell out of me. I've seen ads (infomercials) over the past few years, but knew them to be mostly hoax products and have steered clear. But now I've noticed RiteAid and Walgreens selling "athletes foot" and "jock itch" treatments. They're moderately expensive ($5-$15), but I'd be willing to foot the large sum _if_ I knew how well they worked. Their ads claim clinical proof, but what exactly does that mean? Did a researcher test the drug on a sample of scrotii to measure effectiveness? Does use of the phrase 'clinically proven' require anything like FDA approval? Has anyone out there used any such product, or know someone who has? Did you use spray, ointment, or powder? Care to comment on how well it has worked? How long can you wear the same socks and underpants with this medication? Would you like to come over and apply the ointment or powder?

Re:Ask Slashdot: Antifungal Treatments?

[flockofseagulls]

What a dipshit. I wrote 'scrotii' to MAKE FUN of people who write 'virii' and other fake plurals on slashdot. If you can't tell that the entire post is a satirical version of the original, practically word-for-word, I feel sorry for your humorless existence.

Have you tried liquid paper?

[MarkusQ]

Have you tried liquid paper?

If not, don't. Liquid paper is not a good way to whiten your teeth. Normally I wouldn't think it neccessary to point that out, but since you also seemed to have missed the fact that:

Slashdot is not a good place to get medical advice

I thought that it might be worth mentioning.

-- MarkusQ

Re:Have you tried liquid paper?

[kinnell]

Slashdot is not a good place to get medical advice

That's where you're wrong. I happen to be a world renowned dentist and specialise in the whitening of grubby teeth. The solution is as follows:

1. You can't whiten you're teeth completely while there still in you're mouth - either have a dentist remove them, or if that is too expensive, remove them yourself. A pair of pliars will do the trick.
2. You need to dissolve the grime, so leave them to soak for two weeks in a cup of concentrated sulphuric acid. You can order this from a chemical supplier, but your local garage will probably have some in supply.
3. Remove the teeth from the acid, remebering to rinse well in distilled water.
4. Now simply replace you teeth in your mouth used the glue of your choice. I recommend araldite. A strip of gaffer/duct tape can help to hold them in until the glue sets.

Re:Have you tried liquid paper?

[Mostly Monkey]

Be sure to number them also. It's a pain (no pun please) to figure out which molar goes where. I recommed a fine-point sharpy marker.

Whitetooth is the best.

[Zarf]

Whitetooth is like bluetooth only without as much IBM in it.

I'm told that when it's officially launched Whitetooth will feature full backwards compatability with Bluetooth. Whitetooth features higher bandwith and increased range.

I recently feild tested Bluetooth and Whitetooth in a few clubs and bars. Whitetooth fared better client responsiveness than Bluetooth or even the ubiquitous Yellowtooth. Clients which were signaled with the Whitetooth "grin" responded far more frequently than when presented with the Bluetooth "grin". The experimental Yellowtooth would often cause a total loss of communications with client devices in the vacinity.

I would say that Whitetooth has a much brighter future than Bluetooth from these informal feild tests. I personally would avoid use of Yellowtooth until it gets cleaned up. If you don't have a Whitetooth vendor in your particular market, Bluetooth is still a good solution...

Re:The absolute best product

[awx]

I always found that Tipp-ex does a much 'whiter' job (closer to #000000) and can be bought in bulk from your local Office World.

Less confrontational too, the checkout dollie will never know that you want it for your teeth so you can avoid talking your problems out with someone! woohoo, get back to your D&D quicker!

Re:Crest Whitening Baking Soda and Peroxide

[Decaffeinated Jedi]

For for it's worth, my dentist swears that baking soda and peroxide toothpastes are the worst thing in the world for your teeth and gums. Maybe he's just the one out of five dentists that never agrees with anything, though.

DecafJedi

Gnarly Yellow Teeth are Healthy

[CyberGarp]

I grew up drinking well water. It turned my teeth a really funky yellow. Everyone's teeth from this area were yellow. Guess what, I've never had a cavity. I rarely goto the dentist. They always try to talk me into a teeth whitening program. They never find a cavity. I'm 36. I'm convinced that once they bleach those wonderful minerals out of my teeth, then I'll start having all those wonderful cavities that people with white teeth suffer from. Also as a side benefit, they glow brightly under black light, so when I goto a funky bar-- I got the brightest teeth. Don't bleach them, smile proudly anyway, screw marketing. Please brush however, noone likes bad breath. P.S. Slashdot is not a place for any kind of real advice.

Re:Offtopic

[cdrudge]

People ask questions to Slashdot that should be directed to a lawyer all the time here. Why should teeth whitening be any different?

I just asked my lawyer if the teeth whiteners work. He said he didn't know either.

Peroxide

[pmz]

Screw the over-the-counter stuff. Get your hazmat permit and go straight to the rocket-fuel supply store. Some of that hypergolic pure hydrogen peroxide will blow you away with whiteness! Guaranteed results with the first application!

Warning: be very careful to not spill product during application. All surfaces, including the countertop, the cabinet, and likely the walls and foundation of your house may incur noticable damage. Perhaps the housing association won't notice the new windows...but you can't be too careful!