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The Introvert Advantage
Most people don't understand what introversion is. I certainly didn't, despite delusions to the contrary. The book begins by explaining what being an "innie" is all about, using a light conversational tone and experiences from the (introverted) author's life. A number of misconceptions are examined and dispelled. For example, introversion is not shyness or a lack of social skills. It's temperament, hard wired in your genetic code, and cannot be altered. To give some flavor to the remarks, examples of introverts from fiction and real life (e.g. Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Steve Martin) are listed.
The book includes what has to be one of the weakest personality tests ever devised. The goal is to determine if you're an introvert, but it appears that most responsible adults qualify. Some of my clearly extroverted friends got nearly the same scores as introverts. Skip it.
That test aside, the author does an excellent job of reducing the difference between introverts and extroverts to one of energy levels. Extroverts have more energy -- and recharge by being around large groups of other people, while introverts have less, and recharge by being alone or with a very small group of close friends. The very things that energize "outies" will drain "innies," leading to the "party pooper" perception.
One of the strongest parts of the book is a discussion of the physiology of introversion. Differences in the dominance of sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems (the "fight or flight" and "throttle down" feedback systems) explain why introverts tend to go through the day at a lower energy level than extroverts. Introverts tend to be less vocal and more "blank", especially when mixed into groups of active extroverts.
The discussion of brain chemistry is equally fascinating: introverts use different neurochemicals for memory, which is why it can take some time (and perhaps REM sleep) for information to fully settle and process. Hence the tendency for great ideas to occur during the morning shower. The chemical mix also explains why the sorts of events that stimulate extroverts can quickly over-stimulate and wear out introverts.
Dealing with Extroverts The second part of the book is about dealing with significant others, children, and co-workers. The first chapter has sections on different relationship pairings (introvert male with extrovert female, introvert female with extrovert male, introvert with introvert). These are insightful and, frankly, would have saved me some grief had I read them a number of years ago. The author gives specific tips for improving communication and understanding in each situation.The chapter on parenting gives tips on identifying introverted children and coping with them. This will be more useful for an extroverted parent, who perhaps doesn't understand why sitting quietly and reading has such a strong appeal. The chapter also has tips for introverted parents with extroverted kids, who need a little more outward show than the parents are perhaps used to giving.
A section on socializing and small talk is in this section, but such things have been covered more extensively in books on overcoming shyness.
Introverts and extroverts often rub up against one another in the workplace. In the last chapter in this section, the author raises a number of issues and suggests ways to cope with them. For example, introverts tend to immerse themselves in a particular project, and like to work without interruption for extended periods. Intrusions disrupt concentration, and regaining it takes time and energy. Extroverts enjoy the occasional interruption, because it gives them an energizing break and avoids monotony. Both sides expect the other to feel the same way, so extroverts interrupt others with quick questions (which annoys the introvert), and introverts try to avoid interrupting others (which makes extroverts see introverts as aloof). The chapter also discusses participation in meetings, giving presentations, and just dealing with people who "interface" differently.
There are other books on relationships, parenting, and on dealing effectively with others in the workplace. This is not the book that puts all others to shame, but if you're an introvert it covers the essentials.
Living in an Extroverted World The last part of the book discusses strategies for living in a world dominated by extroverts. How to manage your time, schedule your life in a way that won't cause overstimulation, how to re-energize through aromatherapy. There is some good advice here, but nothing really new or insightful.The author points out that 75% of people are extroverts, and suggests that might explain why the quick-thinking life of the party is idealized. Introverts often have self-esteem problems because they can't be what most of the world wants them to be. The point of this book is to teach introverts why they are the way they are, to show them which aspects of their personality are immutable and which can be changed, and most of all to show that that there is nothing about introversion that requires making excuses.
Much of the value of this book is in the first third, where the psychology and physiology of introversion are treated as an integral whole. Discovering that personality quirks and the desire to ask "how long are we planning to stay at the party" are normal and expected behaviors is liberating. (I'll be launching the Introvert Liberation Front shortly.) The later sections range from "just okay" to very good, but even if you've seen such before it's worthwhile to get a different perspective. Other books -- many of which are listed in the bibliography -- have covered these topics with greater depth or breadth, but the focus on looking at life from an introvert's perspective separates this from most of them.
I highly recommend this book to introverts or to extroverts with an introvert in their life. (If you work in high tech, you're probably one or the other.)
You can purchase The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World from bn.com. There is also a web site for the book, with merchandise, downloadable pamphlets, and discussion forums. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Sounds like a good alternative book for parents. Beats them buying a bunch of "What's Wrong with my Teenage Son" books or mistaking introversion for depression, when trying to deal with something they have trouble understanding. Alex.
First of all I think each introvert process a different degree of introversion. I consider myself 65-70% introverted--depending on the situation.
With this degree of being introverted, I found this book help me reach a deeper understanding of myself. For example, of why I tend to get deeply involved in a subject or get zoned out when I concentrate on something. From that understanding I learn how to manage myself better in relations to others.
Setting several useful tips aside, I believe the understanding alone that I gained from this book give me a deeper self actualization, which in the process helps me see my own strengths and weaknesses. Seeing one's own strengths and weaknesses can certainly enable one to become fuller and lead a richer life.
I very much enjoy reading this book. In a way I felt like reading about myself even though I don't agree 100% with all the characteristics of an introvert as described in the book.
All in all I still recommend it as a very good read, eps. for all of us introverts
There is no god
The thing is about Myers-Briggs type indicators is that they aren't absolutes, they are preferences. When I was given a Myers-Briggs assessment, here was how the "exactitude" of the types were presented to me:
The assessment booklet was placed before me and next to it was placed a piece of paper. I was asked if I was right or left handed. I told the test administrator that I was a righty and she handed me a pencil and told me to sign my name with my right hand on the piece of paper.
When I had finished making my mark, she asked me then to sign the paper with my left hand. I had a hard time doing it, and really had to concentrate to get anything out of the pencil that remotely looked like what I had produced with my right hand.
The moral to the story and the point I would like to make is what she had then told me next; even though I preferred to write with my right hand I was able to write with my left. My right hand was simply a preference, and a preference that often was more comfortable and produced higher quality output.
Such, as she went on to explain to me, is how the Myers-Briggs preferences are. They are simply preferences. Just because, for example, one is introverted, it does not mean that they cannot be extroverted. It is simply uncomfortable for that particular individual as it is not that particular individual's preference.
-AP
Caring for Your Introvert
I'm an introvert and I like what the author says about needing to recharge after a few hours of socializing. I find long stretches (ie 6 hours straight) of conversation totally exhausting... I wish I didn't, but that appears to be the way I'm built.
I disagree with all the 'more intelligent', etc. stuff, but maybe some of you will find the article interesting at least...
The whole idea of splitting people into categories like this is really stupid /. discussion and watch the two switch categories. As we are amply demonstrating herein. Then again, I would say that the BSD is dead guy is likely an extrovert, if not a robot.
Obviously you're entitled to your opinion, but people do fit into categories. Slobs vs neat freaks, People who go home and watch E! true hollywood story, and those who would rather learn something worthwhile.
Phrenology is based on physical characteristics determining your degree of mongrelism. The degree of a persons introversion is determined by observation of that persons actions/reactions. The scientific method is applied in the latter, whereas the former is rightly qualified as garbage.
I will agree though that it's not quite clean cut on this issue. Put an Extrovert and an introvert in a
"Inattention makes clowns of us all" -Bean
it tires me to be around them, so I need to schedule "alone-time" to recharge. On the other hand, my wife is solidly extroverted, so she needs to have "socialization-time" scheduled.
Yeah, nowadays it's so important that you lead a clean, counseled, thoroughly scheduled life!
So what to do with the stereotype if you find out that you actually need to schedule both social- and alone-time in order to recharge?
I bet the counselor wouldn't find that a very acceptable result, and likely wouldn't rest before having successfully talked her customer into matching a stereotype group that neatly fits into her book.
Don't get me wrong - I don't want to rant against counseling (but I do anyway). It just seems that nowadays everyone's life must be planned and optimized by "experts", that sometimes really ticks me off. As if people are generally unable to find out about their own feelings without being constantly helped and directed.
How utterly true.
...don't watch much television, because it's stupid, boring, and annoying, and the commercials drive me crazy. I like anime, so the pay channels sometimes attract me, and I like movies, so the movie channels aren't bad, but usually I prefer something a little more active, like a good game. ...don't pay any attention to professional sports because, really, what's so interesting about gigantic musclebound thugs slamming into one another? Or scratching their nuts and throwing a ball around? It's BORING. Maybe if a kickboxing match was on, I dunno. I always kinda respected those guys, they were tough as nails. But, they don't put that stuff on much anymore. ...don't pay any attention to right-wing nutcases like uber-republican Rush Limbaugh. Once you get past the initial humorous part ("did he just say that? He's kidding, right?") you realize he's serious and it just seems sad. ...don't care whether I get laid or not, or whether I'm surrounded by people, because I can amuse myself most of the time with a book or a video game. Or, my BSD laptop and some coding.
;)
I was tortured and abused throughout my childhood by most of the other kids, and in my twenties when I went back to college (after a stint in the Marine Corps to toughen up and not get picked on anymore) I was older than the other kids and an outsider for a whole new set of reasons. Most of my life, all I wanted was to be left alone with my books, and I had to put up with all kinds of garbage from almost everyone. It wasn't until I was thirty years old and moved upstate, taking a government job (where most of the people are older and more settled) that I finally found a group of people (fellow programmers, of course) who just accepted me as-is, with a minimum of hassle. Of course, they're all pretty introverted too, so it all works out. I've got a nice, quiet working environment with really cool, quiet, hands-off coworkers, and I'm finally happy after all these years.
Outside of work, of course, I'm a hermit.
Because, after all, what would I do around most people? Look at it from my perspective:
I:
So, what the heck would I talk about with people? All their favorite conversational topics are non-starters with me (sex, right-wing politics, sports, television). I talk about my work and their eyes glaze over. I mention anime and they give me this "yeah, ok, great" look. As if their sitcoms were adult fare... We have nothing in common.
I figure, if I don't find a similarly antisocial girl who has the same interests by the time I'm 40, I'm just not going to reproduce. Maybe one day I'll clone myself, just for the techie bragging rights, but probably not.
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
What is most amusing is I am sure most introverted folks consider such verbal exchanges akin to jibber. The vast majority of conversation in this world is nothing more than the helpless, aimless masses engaging in reciprocal ego stroking.
These people who talk about nothing KNOW there is no substance to their character, and instead seek out other empty lives to assure them that their lives have some measure of value. It is like two mirrors facing one another... the emptiness repeating into the great abyss of nothingness.
That is the key term, nothingness... or nihilism. The common man today is hardly human in any true meaning of the term. He feels no great impulse to create or discover. For him... life is about seeking external assurance of his base humanity.
One of the most sad aspects of such behavior is POSSIBLE in this modern world. Imagine 1000 years ago, before modern weapons began to surface... A blabbering idiot, desperate for social interaction. Can you imagine such a warrior behaving in that fashion? Would such a people survive if their only defense were chatterboxes? I think not.
Our people know in their hearts that focused stoicism is the essential character of warriors, artists, scientists... It is reviled by the masses because it the truest evidence that they are none of these things. They are merely "consumers" at best, and slaves at worst.
I don't read or respond to AC posts
It has nothing to do with brain chemistry.
Its a choice, people make a choice to be introverted or extroverted.
You probably believe that homosexuality is ALSO a choice.
Believe me, introverts are the minority and they often suffer pretty heavily from it. Throughout youth and young adult-hood, the mode of social gatherings is a complete mystery to them.
It's difficult to understand why everyone is having so much fun at a party EXCEPT you. You try hard to act like your having fun, but you can't fake it to yourself. If it was a choice don't you think we would choose NOT to suffer.
Sometime when your not thouroughly satisified that you know everything, you may actually want to do some reading on psychology. You'll find that people do scientific research and have good proof for why some behaviors and characteristics seem based on "nature" and others are based more on "nurture".
Sometimes choice enters the equation, but most often we are almost complete products of our environment or ourselves. The "choices" we make are often made for us long before we ever ponder the question. Typically, when things aren't working out right, you know you actually overcame your biology and "chose" something against your nature.
For example, right now I'm assuming that you didn't "choose" to be an ignorant, arrogant ass-hole. Something in your nature or upbringing led you to this point. You can overcome the ignorance through LISTENING and READING beyond your knowledge. However, you may indeed ALWAYS be an ass-hole!!!!
-------- -------- Support Wesley Clark for president!!!
If you want to mod this flame then please flame it REAL good :) This entire thread needs to get buried.
I don't mean the following to sound harsh, but this behavior is typical of introverts.
I don't mean the following to sound harsh, cause extroverts are good and righteous people, but this behavior is so typical of these... introverts.
The reason it annoys people is because you're not being extroverted, you're just seeking attention. An extrovert enjoys making *social* connections to people. You're not connecting with people; you're just hoping they will notice you as a substitute for a true connection.
The reason it annoys people is because you're not being extroverts, you can never be elite, you're just seeking attention, something extroverts don't need to do, it's beneath an extrovert. An extrovert enjoys making *social* connections to people, something the introvert can't understand, cause an introvert neither enjoys talking nor appreciates what social connections are. Hell if they know what being *social* is all about. You're not really connecting with people, that's an illusion; you're just hoping they will notice you, only extroverts are gifted with true connection.
A similar thing that introverts due (and geeks are notorious for) is replacing true conversation with being a walking encyclopia. Someone talks about the weather, and the geek goes on to explain strato cumulous clouds. It's not a conversation, it's a plea for attention. "Aren't I clever that I understand clouds".
And quite ironically, a plea for attention and a plea for conversation are not unsimilar. Quite often, drawing attention is one way of drawing conversation. What do you think talking about the weather is? LMAO. It's no better an excuse than talking about strato clouds. Talking about the weather really "connect" you to someone? Or does it open the door for more words?
"Aren't I clever that I understand clouds? I hope you don't mind that I feel insecure. We live with so many billions of people on the world and sometimes it seems like some of us have forgotten how to understand each other. Some people are really good at talking. I have to use an excuse to start a conversation. Just trying to let you know what mood I'm in, how I talk, maybe get an idea of how I see things. I'd really like to talk to you and get to know who you are though. How do you see those clouds? Do they look like elephants to you or something else?"
"Last one in is a rotten goblin!" - Kepp
The first personality test I remember ever doing was something in high school designed to determine what kind of career would be good for me. I can't rememeber the results precisely, but I scored high on maths/science based careers. Computers are close, I suppose. But that test wasn't really designed to find out about me, just what I'd be good at.
A little while later I tried the Myer Briggs personality test, which is quite a common one. It has 16 possible outcomes. You answer a series of questions, and add up the values from the answers to come up with your personality type. I was INTP. You can find out about the other types there also.
After completing this test, I thought that it described me perfectly. An introverted thinker who was far from loving order. The description on this website seems to fit me pretty well. However, I later discovered the Chinese personality types which transformed my understanding of myself, and the Myer Briggs type is no longer adequate... The Chinese talk about five personality types, and everyone is one of these types. It may sound small, like little variety, but you should be surprised by how accurately these describe the variety of human responses. The five types go in a circle, and beginning at an arbitrary point the order is wood, fire, earth, metal , water. There is so much to say about each type, and I wholeheartedly recommend this book. It describes each type well, and so much of it was me. I will give you a quick rundown anyway. You can find out a very brief and undetailed introduction of the types here. Wood, which is my type, are opionated, stubborn pioneers who are always moving to something new. Fire is one of the most common types. These are the passionate, talkative people who love to be with others. Earth are the most common type and value loyalty, don't much like change and provide the foundation for our society. Metal are organised people everywhere, they tend to be leaders inside an existing structure, often musically talented. Water are the introverted philosophers who don't much like human contact like everyone else.
Now the interesting thing here is that you express characteristics of the two types next to your own. Since I am a wood, I have fire on my left and water on my right, so I can often show traits from both of these. And here is why I was unsatisfied with Myer Briggs. It described me as an introvert, and that I believed. Chinese personality types showed me that wood is stuck between the most introverted and extroverted types - water and fire. And this rang true more for me than anything else. There are times when I just have to be with people, and there are other times when I just have to get away. It described me more fully than Myer Briggs could even come close to. Going around the circle clockwise (wood->fire->earth->metal->water->wood ) each type feed another. Wood feeds fire, giving fire people energy, rejuvinating them. Fire feeds earth, earth feeds metal and so on.
Take a look at this image. You can visually see the place of each personality type to another. You will see from wood an arrow going to earth, and from metal an arrow to wood. Every time oppresses another type, and is oppressed by a type. Wood people tend to oppress earth. Wood yearn for change and novelty, to upset the old, while earth thrives on stability and loyalty and don't much like change. Wood also hates authority and longs to break free, while metal loves authority and structure, and so restricts wood. There is so much to learn about each type. To find out what you are, look at the types I described above. You will probably find three