Slashdot Mirror
An Enlightened Look at an Over-Lighted World
Saige writes "Every night, as darkness descends, countless street lamps and lights turn on to keep the darkness at bay, bathing countless square feet of the planet in light that sometimes rivals daytime. But has anyone stopped to consider what effect all this light may have on people and animals that have evolved to fit an environment where a significant part of the 24 hour day is spent in lightless conditions? Some scientists have, and they are claiming that all this light is causing numerous problems."
I am just going to assume that when my friend was just lying or had it confused with some other website when he told me that most people who use slashdot.com are homosexual.
I don't know about you, but I turn my lights off when I go to bed. The darn animals can come out then.
Dear Slashdot readers,
This afternoon, I was called into a meeting with one of the VA Software Vice Presidents. I was informed that Slashdot, along with other OSDN sites, will be sold off to the highest bidder. This is for the purpose of hopefully saving VA Software from bankruptcy. I'm announcing this on Slashdot because to make this site as attractive as possible to potential buyers, we are going to have to enact some major reforms around here.
First of all, we will be tracking what articles are read from your IP and account, and will be making this information available to advertisers upon request. Advertising is our most important source of revenue, and it's important to maximize what we can get out of it.
Second, it's well known that for quite awhile, we've been accepting donations from corporations looking to promote a product. We accept the money and post a story on the front page with an extremely positive review of this product. We're taking this to the next level and will now be placing ads for our partners in any relevant story. This means that a story about operating systems might have an ad from Microsoft added in by our editorial staff. Once again, advertising is necessary for us to be profitable and to make Slashdot as attractive as possible to a potential buyer.
And finally, trolls are ruining Slashdot. In the past, we have deleted posts secretly that went against views that we hold supreme. We've also deleted posts that portray us, the editorial staff, and others dear to us (such as my wife) in an unflattering way. We temporarily suspended this due to demands of Slashdot readers. To make Slashdot as attractive to purchase as possible, we will not only resume this practice, but will extend it to deleting any posts that portray our owners and advertising partners in a bad way.
We are sorry, but this is the only way to keep Slashdot and VA Software afloat. We sincerely hope that you will understand. I'm not any happier about it than you are. I've always hoped this day would never come that advertising rules Slashdot. But even now, it's no worse than the rest of the internet. I hope that you, the readers, will continue to visit Slashdot.
Thank you for your time and understanding.
Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
Pants are still optional.
Posted from the nero-online.org Troll Library
Following my work researching The Linux Gay Conspiracy, I am saddened to announced that I have discovered yet another orgy of perverted heterophobic values. My claim lies with the Slashdot mangement.
First, what kind of name is Slashdot? This is obviously a code word in the homosexual community for something perverted.
Slashdot is an anagram of LAD SHOTS, which refers to Slashdot's pedophile agenda and T ASS HOLD, which refers to some gay sexual posistion that Michael and CmdrTaco enjoy.
The 'editors' of Slashdot, as they call themselves, are homosexual swingers with cleverly disguised nicknames.
CmdrTaco (aka "Rob" Malda) is the "head" honcho of Slashdot. Cmdr obviously refers to his desire to dominate over his gay partners, and Taco is obviously a sly reference to his colon. Update: It is well known that Taco claims to be married to Kate Fent. No one really believes that 'she' is actually his wife. We have proof that this 'she' is actually a he. It turns out that Kathleen Fent is an anagram of KHAN FELT EN ET. So this Kate of his is really Khan who "felt in it". I will not describe what that means as I am sure you can imagine yourself.Update From AC: Kate Fent = FAT TEEN, K.
Michael Sims, who goes as 'michael' on Slashdot, is a well known thug and advancer of homosexual agenda. His name is an anagram of ASS CHIME MIL which obviously refers to his desire to flaunt his lower organ.Update: It turns out that Michael Sims is also an anagram of ASS LICE, HMM, I?. That is so sick that words cannot describe the horror.
Father Randy "Pudge" O'Day is Slashdot's Mac propagandist. Macintosh computers are well known as the Gay computer due to their homosexual colors and stylings. An email exchange between 'Pudge' and Apple HQ have been leaked by a former Apple employee who converted to heterosexuality. These two emails (here and here) have been repeatedly posted on Slashdot, but are quickly censored by Slashdot moderators who do not want the public to know about its agenda.Update form Subject Line Troll - it appears the O'Day is just a few letter changes away from I'm Gay and rhymes with O'Day. Is anyone surprised that Mr. Pudge is a fudge packing Mac hippie?
Simoniker, a recent addition to Slashdot has been uncovered as Mr. Goatse himself. Simoniker is a frequent poster to the Games section of Slashdot, obviously because he enjoies modded versions of Quake 3 and UT2K3 as a homosexual warrior who likes to 'overcome' his opponents with his exagerated sized love member. In addition, Simoniker is an anagram of KEN I RIM SO (Ken is probably his current boyfriend) and MEN I IRK SO (which refers to his frustratingly troubled gay relationships, probably due to his rather large asshole).Update from AC: I'M ON ERIK'S... "Eriks what? We can only imagine" -AC.
CowboyNeal. How could I forget him? CowboyNeal is Slashdot's Poll Editor. His rampant homosexuality is obvious. "Cowboy Kneel" is what his name actually means. His odd sexuality needs no further explanation.
Please reply with additional information, contributions, and corrections. I will include any additional information and credit you with it in my further releases of this report.
Given enough time I could find a downside to anything. For instance, breathing is bad because it increases the amount of CO2 in the air and thus helps global warming, etc. The point is is that just because you can find something bad about something you have to think what is GOOD about something and then weigh the differences. Since we've had light for so long we hardly realize its benefits. Going back to the dawn of electric lighting it was certainly very welcomed in its day. Just like Rouseau or many philosophers before and after, we realize that we are unhappy and we look back to some idealized vision of the past (where people had half the life expectancy they do now) and think that they were happier, but really, they weren't.