Slashdot Mirror
Techs Discover End Users Aren't So Bright
hkypipe writes "In response to a CNN story slamming tech support, a former tech fired back. He correctly points out that much of the trouble end users have with their PCs can be traced to their skillset, which in many if not most cases would make them more qualified to operate an Etch-A-Sketch." Not everyone who calls support is clueless though. How many of us have had to sit on hold for hours and reformat a hard drive as DOS just to convince the tech support lackey on the other end that a hard drive really is bad? The article also covers other factors like scripted support, and per-customer time limits, which can make for a poor tech support experience.
The Troll War
Chapter 1
It was 03:00. The moonless night engulfed three individuals in complete darkness. Three individuals who moved, with surprising grace, toward a single destination. Three individuals on a campaign; a mission. A campaign to rid Slashdot of lame trolls. A mission to ultimately destroy Slashdot forever.
A low candle flame, flickering slightly in the crisp Autumn night breeze, lit the storm sewer corridors and access tubes with a deep yellow pallor. Faint whisperings, little more than leaves brushing against ancient cement walls to the rest of the world, could be heard.
"Where is Alan? I thought I saw him approaching a moment ago," Trollaxor hissed. Standing a full 6 foot, with slicked-back black hair and a few day's worth of stubble, Trollaxor looked every bit the revolutionary in his black leather biking jacket. His green eyes pierced the dimly lit darkness, awaiting a response.
"I believe he tripped on his beard," Linus stated matter-of-factly, with just a hint of impatience. Linus Torvalds, Open Source hero and maintainer of Linux, stood taut as coiled snakes as he realized the gravity of the situation.
"Contact him. We have already overstayed our time in this place, even as we arrive." Trollaxor pushed.
"Fine," Linus Torvalds threw back the hood that concealed his Finnish visage, which was painted with tightly closed eyes and a look of grim concentration. He rubbed his temples lightly as sweat began to bead upon his high Finnish forehead.
Mumbling rapidly in Finnish, Linus turned to the East, now raising one hand above his head, palm extended to the direction of the sun's somnal abode.
"I can't seem-- to contact him--" Linus grunted in broken English. "I will try another method!"
Now a tributary of Old Swedish poured from the well of Linus's foreign maw. Trollaxor started, "Linus, if he is lost to us, there is nothing you can do, not even a fossil language can bring him to us now!"
Linus broke his linguistic trance and turned to Trollaxor. "In the name of all discontinued Japanese Transformers! The enemy must have captured him! Damn him and his filth-ridden beard! Now you know why I hate working with dirty GNU hippies!"
The enemy, as both Trollaxor and Linus knew too well, were the nefarious Slashdot Moderators, a group of numb-minded, brainwashed denizens of their strange, dark world that patrolled in hopes of "disabling" those who rebelled against their beloved Commander's will. "As dirty as he was, he was a valuable ally that you and I and the rest of the free world needed," Trollaxor dryly pointed out. "If the Mods got him, we must forego tonight's plans and rescue him immediately!"
Grunting again, this time out of frustration and anger, Linus whispered sharply thru clenched teeth in a heavy accent, thick with Finnish and Old Gutnish phonemic forms. "In the name of unmade Beast Wars toys, how are you and I to do a thing if the Mods patrol tonight?"
Trollaxor, ever the rebel to thrive against challenge, grew a vicious smile as he turned to Linus again. "The harder they patrol, the harder we troll, my friend." Linus remained nonplussed. As Trollaxor tightened the belts on his black leather biking jacket and made sure all miscelanaous zippers were sealed, his face brightened even more. "We've faced worse setbacks. Remember the Fallen Trolls. And remember moreso those Trolls who have gone over to the other side."
As Trollaxor's voice trailed off, Linus hung his head and exhaled slowly. Thoughts of the fallen whipped thru Linus's Finnish brain like TCP packets to Linux's bit bucket. "No, how can I not remember. Troll Mastah, Signal 11, travesty... They tried to break us!"
"Looks like they'll try again!" Trollaxor replied, smiling, completing a verse from "Wild Boys", the infamous Duran Duran track that Trollaxor and his camp had taken up as their anthem. "Now come on. We have some Mods that need bitchslapped tonight!"
Linus closed his eyes and bobbed his head thr
FUCK OFF AND DIE
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a) RPM -e --nodeps --force linux
b) rm -R *
c) Insert Windows setup disk
d) Install windows XP
& their cronIEs on capitollist hill..
don't have the best thinking equipment either. take va lairIE's PostBlock(tm) devise, for example.
that's it. the scammage is overt. how many fauxking georgewellian billyonerrors do we need anyway?
conservation is not just for po' folk. there's already not enough to go around, despite the lament of the media that we are 'sluggish' in resourcefulness.
never mind the walking dead. back on task.
the lights are coming up. we're in crisis mode. you can help.
yOUR intentions/behaviours ARE relevant.
consult with/trust in yOUR creator. get more oxygen on yOUR brains. vote with yOUR wallet. that's the spirit, moving you.
pay attention. that's affordable, & provides immesurable returns.
'invest' in yOUR community (possibly starting next door). be very careful of/thoughtful towards, each other. you're all we've got, here.
pay no heed to the greed/fear based misinformers. your well being is not on their agenda.
the current task remains planet/population rescue. yOUR intentions/behaviours are the recipe.
each harmed innocent carries with it a bad toll. the felons are NOT going to be the wons who must do the repairations. it is you/us.
Daddy just installed Debian lunix on my 386SX with 2Mb of ram. I'm using Mozillascape 1.4-RH with KnomeDesk. Its so slow. Slower than Windows 98 was on this thing.
Daddy phoned Debian Technical support on +91-555-TUX-HELP for me. It cost $10 a minute because lunix is expensive to support becasue the manuals suck so bad.
Support monkey called my dad a n00b and a 7amer. He told him to install windoze 2OO3 on this machine because it supports the USB mouse without having to "modprobe" a dev slash mouse.
So daddy installed windows 2003 on this computer and told all my freinds that l00nix sux0rz and only monkeys with red hats use it.
He's karma whoring for the new Apple Karma. Disgusting. It really is. OMG HE SAID MAC OS X1!!!! LeTS GIVE HIM +5 INSIGHTFUL DUE TO MENTION of APPLE Hooray!
Buy a book.
And this defeats Apple's, "it just works." Line.
Every OS Sucks.
Non impediti ratione cogitationus.