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Russia Plans Martian Nuclear Station
An anonymous reader writes "The BBC reports that Russian scientists have announced plans to build a nuclear power station on Mars.
They say that all the necessary technical drawings have now been completed, and all will be ready for the construction work to begin. The power plant should be up and running by 2030."
Here come the fucking jokes.
And with all of the demand for a nuclear power plant on Mars, it's a miracle this wasn't created earlier!
On the bright side, after Red Planet and Mission to Mars, they can 'Pull A Chernobyl' and it'll still be only the third worst Mars disaster ever.
Please help metamoderate.
1. Build Nuclear Power Plant on Mars
2.
3. Profit!
But boy are those scientists going to be pissed when someone points out where Mars actually is.
I also love:
Scientists say that the station is now almost ready to be built - all they have to do is to find a way to protect staff and environment from radiation
What about the small problem of finding 6 people to go to Mars, to work in a nuclear power station for no people for 30 years?. I think they have been watching 'The Simpson's' too much.
The power plant should be up and running by 2030.
Power station timelines rock. I'd love to propose this kind of schedule for my projects.
"New Version? Sure, we should start beta testing in (deep, echoing voice) the year 2030."
-n-
The BBC is reporting this? Wow, from the title, i would have thought that it would come from one of these fine sources.
20 mil and I will! Learn Esperanto with 20M others.
1) Build an expensive nuclear power plant on an uninhabited planet.
2) ???
3) Profit?
Seriously, though, Russia can't even keep up payments on the ISS. No one in the world right now has any plans on how to ship a live human being to Mars (and have him remain live there). "Technical drawings" alone won't cut it; I have some technical drawings in my closet that show how to build an SSTO spacecraft out of crayons (I was in kindergarten at the time of this techincal breakthrough), but I am not holding my breath waiting for NASA to knock on my door.
>|<*:=
-"Mr President: the Russian plan backfired, the ship exploded and there is radiation all over the atmosphere."
-Bush: "We need to bomb the atmosphere, no radiation is going to fire back America..."
"I think this line is mostly filler"
Don't we have more money than Russia? And they dare exceed us in Space technology? And the word Nuclear is in there?
Call up G.W., and get Larry Ellison down here, I smell a hostile takeover!
I can see the headlines now:
All of Russia was plunged into total darkness tonight, when their Mars plant transmission lines were accidently severed by an orbiting Soyuz rocket piloted by a joyriding Lance Bass.
The world won't end in darkness, it'll end in family fun, with Coca-cola clouds behind a Big Mac sun.
An economist is in a public restroom and see's a quarter ($.25) in the toilet. He does some quick calculations in his head, and decides that the effort of bending over to pick up the 25 cents, the possibility of disease for sticking his hand in a filthy toilet, and the mental anguish of doing such a despicable act isn't worth the measly one quarter dollar. So he throws another quarter in the toilet, bends over, sticks his and in, and retrieves the 50 cents.
It's not the funniest joke on the planet, but this is the first chance I've had to use it and it does make one think of the logic of some people/professions.
Beware blue cats moving at
Forget North Korea, now the Martians will have the bomb!
"Man is the best computer we can put aboard
;)) If they could make a orbital version of 'Survivor' or 'Big Brother' a weekly episode it might pay for itself.
a spacecraft... and the only one that can
be mass produced with unskilled labor."
However a *lot* has changed since von Braun's statement: Harris, Intel, AMD and a host of other's can mass produce radiation hardened computers to put aboard spacecraft (not to mention telemetry back to earth for human processing, albeit with a lag that renders it non-realtime, I'll grant you that) for far less that it takes to stow oxygen plants, food pills, water, tang, entertainment, exercise equipment, medical supplies, etc etc etc.
However, for public relations purposes, the taxpaying public would be fascinated by sex in space, the first space kid, etc
try { do() || do_not(); } catch (JediException err) { yoda(err); }
Because the martians we see in movies don't look messed up enough, they need nuclear radiation to give their look the extra touch of "makes ya wanna vomit" style...
Business \Busi"ness\, n.;
A scam in which all people involved perceive as beneficial...
Martians concerned over Russian nuke plans (October 5th, 2006)
Rocky Canyon, MARS - Local residents plan to block Russian efforts to build nuclear power plants on Mars. Fearing potential health risks from nuclear accidents and what they claim to be a spotty safety record from Russians, representatives of a coalition of Martian leaders plan to raise awareness of the issues and protect or attempt to block the Russian plans. "Not in my back yard!" claims local long-time resident Marvin the Martian, "We do not want an Earth-shattering kaboom on our planet. We have no demodulator for nuclear waste."
Local retiree, Flash Gordon, points out that other environmentally sound energy alternatives are available like geothermal and solar energy. "I don't understand why we should be the dumping ground for Earth's waste. I'm also concerned about their need to use what little water we have to cool their power plants. It sounds like a bad idea to me."
Russia's Nuclear Energy Ministry plans to send a delegation to the planet in 2010 to hold a series of public hearings and town meetings on the matter. "We hope that once the great people of Mars learn the facts about our advances in safety of nuclear energy, that they will welcome a new cheaper source of energy," informed Dr. Strangelove, interim leader of the earth-based planning and research committee. The spotty record of Terran nuclear safety is well known to Martians, including the well-known 20th century Chernobyl and Three Mile Island accidents and the San Onofre security incident last year.
Total Recall star and former California Govenor Arnold Schwarzenegger is rumored to be an investor in the contruction company contracted by the Russian agency to develop the terra-forming technology required to build the power plant. When asked about his links between his commercial investments and campaign contributions to Russian elected officials, he withheld comment.
Mars and Earth are seperated by millions of miles, both literally and apparently in viewpoints about the nuclear project. We look forward to seeing if they can come closer together on this issue.
I have completed my plans to build a Martian crematorium for passed-away nuclear power plant technicians. This first permanent extraterrestrial crematorium will be dedicated to help remember the dedicated scientists, as well as pet cats, dogs and aligators, who could not survive the blistering radiation and isolation of living on Mars. It should be up and running by 2029, provided I find a way to deliver my ready-made building blocks to a construction site 300 million kilometers away from Earth.
my blog
For someone working at a nuclear power plant, that's a pretty scary sig.
Litigious bastards
Sorry, couldn't resist this one. :-)
If they could make a orbital version of 'Survivor' or 'Big Brother' a weekly episode it might pay for itself.
"I'm sorry Jim, you've been voted out the airlock this week."