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Review of the Archos AV320 Cinemabox
An anonymous reader writes "MP3newswire.net just posted another of their lengthy reviews, this time on the Archos AV 320, a unit first mentioned on /. back in June. The company's second portable digital video/audio player, the new unit is a significant step up from the Archos Jukebox Multimedia with a much bigger and brighter screen and the ability to record DVDs and TV programs."
fp
Necrophilia for Dummies
I: Introduction
Very few text files have been written regarding the sexual tendencies and practices of necrophiliacs. While most people would prefer to believe that we do not exist we most certainly do as is obvious to anyone who visits a cemetery during our nightly rampages. Necrophiliacs prefer to go about their business alone; sharing is not a part of this alternative lifestyle as the corpse usually wears out fairly quickly. This is not to say that the occasional orgy involving four or five necrophiliacs and about a dozen or so corpses does not occur, but it is very rare. In this file I will describe common (and some uncommon) techniques which necrophiliacs use to gain satisfaction from their stiff partners. Hopefully these vivid descriptions will encourage you to go out to your local cemetery and to join our ranks!
II: Finding a partner
Finding a partner for your necrophiliac activities is definitely the hardest part. You not only have to gain access to the corpse but you also have to find one which suits your tastes. Granted, some necrophiliacs would screw roadkill if given the chance but most of us are more discriminating. Your chances depend upon where you pick up your date. If you have access to a morgue it would definitely be your best bet as the corpses there are usually the freshest and have not yet been treated for burial. They may be a bit chilly because they've been lying in the meat locker for days but that really shouldn't make a big difference to the determined necrophiliac. Cemeteries are a bit harder to deal with as finding a screwable corpse is harder to do. However, if you know how to interpret signs this shouldn't be a problem. If a grave consists of a mound of fresh dirt and is covered with flowers, chances are that the stiff hasn't been laying here for too long. Rotting flowers on the mound usually hint to the state of the corpse as well. Some people are exclusively into 'porking the bone', i.e. sex with skeletons. In this case you can dig up almost any grave and hope that the inhabitant hasn't yet disintegrated into dust. Try to scope out a fairly secluded cemetery for your passions unless you like a sense of danger to go along with the sex. Having anyone catch you in the act is NOT fun, and if you're picked up by a cop chances are that you won't be able to screw anything but Bubba behind bars for the next few decades. People are generally not understanding of the necrophiliac lifestyle, so it will probably be a long time before we can come out of the closet.
III: Preparation
Depending upon where you are at this point you'll have either a little or a lot of work to do. The person in the morgue will obviously have to do little more than to open the locker, pull the corpse out and bang away. If you're one of the cemetery people you'll have more work to do. An experienced necrophiliac is always equipped with the bare essentials: a shovel, Vaseline and a box of rubbers. Why the shovel is needed should be obvious, but if the ground is hard then you might need more equipment to dig up your date. Vaseline is used to loosen the corpse up a bit. This makes it less likely for a body part to break off while you're having fun and it also prevents your mantool from becoming too irritated while screwing the dried out pussy. The BOX of condoms is used to play it safe; no necrophiliac should be without it. You never know which STDs your partner had during his/her lifetime, and believe me, it doesn't get any better after the person dies. You can put on more than one rubber for extra protection if it is warranted, but screwing a corpse without protection is just plain stupid unless you want to be the next date for a necrophiliac. If you're in a cemetery try to drag the corpse out of the grave and behind a bush or to another secluded place. Pumping away in the grave may seem more convenient, but it's a severe disadvantage to you if you need to take off in a hurry. Sometimes the corpse is too fragile to be moved; in that case make it fast. Or ju
Yours sincerely
Suicide Bomberman
Regards
PS. Forgive the AC post, but I've hit my post limit for today.Suicide Bomberman
on almost everything, keeping them from reporting on anything that really matters to you/US. yuk.
.continues to spew, .asp dough it were gospel.
whatever, we're still here for you robbIE, up until the verIE last post anyway.
morons peaced off (Score:-1, Troll)
by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 29, @10:21AM (#6823866)
just kidding. actually, the gnu millennium offers unlimited advantages to all of US.
providing, of course, that the georgewellian fuddite corepirate nazi stock markup execrable, continues to be intervened on.
for every harmed innocent, there is a badtoll that must/will be repaid by you/US. take yOUR time, as much as you think we have left.
the 90% of the wwworld that is seriously peaced off at US, is being patient, realizing that most of US are being held hostage buy the corepirate nazi puppets of some rogue/unelected 'gov't.' (for the people, by the people, etc..?).
not surprisingly, their patience may be wearing thin, as we appear to be doing nothing about the execrable problem.
therefore, it would be prudent to consider joining the planet/population rescue initiative, as opposed to keeping yOUR heads burIEd in the ?pr? ?firm? scriptdead greed/fear based deception that the 'mainstream" media
consult with yOUR creator. vote with (what's left in) yOUR wallet. more breathing. seek out others of non-aggressive/positive behaviours/intentions. that's the spirit.
pay attention (to yOUR environment, for example), as well as being very affordable, that will increase yOUR chances of surviving/disempowering the corepirate nazi execrable's assault on yOUR planet/population.
we're here for you. tell 'em robbIE?