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Segway Riders Get High on Mount Washington
TacticalJack writes "Rob Owen, a retired clown, and two other riders surged up Mount Washington at 12.5 mph, the AP reports. It took the Segway riders two and half hours to complete the 7.6 mile endurance test. The team used six batteries, fought off 50 mph winds and battled bitter cold to reach the 6,288-foot mountain summit. All of which begs the question, why not buy a motorbike?"
Dear Sir/Madam:
I am Mr. Darl McBride currently serving as the president and chief executive officer of the SCO Group, formerly known as Caldera Systems International, in Lindon, Utah, United States of America. I know this letter might surprise you because we have had no previous communications or business dealings before now.
My associates have recently made claim to computer softwares worth an estimated $1 billion U.S. dollars. I am writing to you in confidence because we urgently require your assistance to obtain these funds.
In the early 1970s the American Telephone and Telegraph corporation developed at great expense the computer operating system software known as UNIX. Unfortunately the laws of my country prohibited them from selling these softwares and so their valuable source codes remained privately held. Under a special arrangement some programmers from the California University of Berkeley did add more codes to this operating system, increasing its value, but not in any way to dilute or disparage our full and rightful ownership of these codes, despite any agreement between American Telephone and Telegraph and the California University of Berkeley, which agreement we deny and disavow.
In the year 1984 a change of regime in my country allowed the American Telephone and Telegraph corporation to make profits from these softwares. In the year 1990 ownership of these softwares was transferred to the corporation UNIX System Laboratories. In the year 1993 this corporation was sold to the corporation Novell. In the year 1994 some employees of Novell formed the corporation Caldera Systems International, which began to distribute an upstart operating system known as Linux. In the year 1995 Novell sold the UNIX software codes to SCO. In the year 2001 occurred a separation of SCO, and the SCO brand name and UNIX codes were acquired by the Caldera Systems International, and in the following year the Caldera Systems International was renamed SCO Group, of which i currently serve as chief executive officer.
My associates and I of the SCO Group are therefore the full and rightful owners of the operating system softwares known as UNIX. Our engineers have discovered that no fewer than seventy (70) lines of our valuable and proprietary source codes have appeared in the upstart operating system Linux. As you can plainly see, this gives us a claim on the millions of lines of valuable software codes which comprise this Linux and which has been sold at great profit to very many business enterprises. Our legal experts have advised us that our contribution to these codes is worth an estimated one (1) billion U.S. dollars.
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Kindly treat this request as very important and strictly confidential. I honestly assure you that this transaction is 100% legal and risk-free.
Signed, GNAA president
PS. If you have mod points and would like to support GNAA, please moderate this post up.
________________________________________________
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It has come to my attention that you completely inhale the pastes in crust. Read on for more about this fascinating topic.
The world went into shock a few weeks ago when goatse.info reported the results of a study which concluded that inhaling paste is a very dangerous pastime, one that no one is advised to take up. Eventually, everyone adapted to the new state of affairs and began inhaling other things. Almost everyone, that is. But not you! According to my records, you still inhale paste!
Why?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
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Um this is a hiking path up there, motorbikes and segways need to stay off. All they accomplished is showing they are assholes.
As you can see I don't care about my karma.
Wow.
The most inspiring part of this is that they did it on a gay little scooter.
\WWW/
/wwwww\ DICK :
/ \ HAS A SMALL
HAS A BIG _| o_o |_ <---
DICK \WWWWWWW/ (_ / \ _)
--> _/` o_o `\_ | \_/ |
(_ (_) _) : ~~~~~
\ '-...-' / \_____/
(`'-----'`) [ ]
gnaa `"""""""` `"""""`
It remains unclear as to why Owen dressed up like a butler for the epic ride up Mount Washington. It surely won't help reduce the ridicule he receives from neighbors and friends. Perhaps he felt it lent a bit of dignity to the affair.
Is it just me or would it take an awful lot more than a butler's outfit to bring some dignity to a ride up a mountain on yuppie-gocarts organized by a retired clown?
"Winds were gusting from all sides and I had to stay down, just like skiing," Dick Norris, 69, a train conductor and fellow rider told the AP.
A train conductor? Good grief. Where are they getting these guys from?
Rob Owen, a retired clown, and two other riders surged up Mount Washington at 12.5 mph, the AP reports.
Okay, who wants to take a crack at guessing the career of the mysterious third rider? Former jet-setting CEO of a dot-com company who now works as the janitor in an adult bookstore? What about the dude who has to stamp "Inspected by #42" on all those pairs of underwear? Maybe it was Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer Lloyd Schumner Sr.?
The Register, huh? This is the kind of hard-hitting news I would expect CNN Headline News.
GMD
watch this