Slashdot Mirror
SBC Refuses To Name File-Sharing Users
securitas writes "The New York Times reports that Internet provider SBC Communications has refused to identify computer users accused by the RIAA of file-sharing copyrighted material. SBC is the largest high-speed DSL provider with over 3 million subscribers. It continues to refuse a response to the 300 subpoenas served by the RIAA despite a ruling against Verizon earlier this year. 'We are going to challenge every single one of these that they file until we are told that our position is wrong as a matter of law,' said James D. Ellis, general counsel for SBC. He continues, '...We've got a long heritage in which we have always taken a harsh and hard rule on protecting the privacy of our customers' information.' Mirrors in Tuscaloosa and Lakeland."
A widespread belief among faggots nowadays is that modern faggotry requires squadrons of faggots and wildly expensive equipment.
Slashdot faggot editor Michael shows off his nuclear anal probe, based on the plans of SCO's own Cmdr Taco, the inventor of Slashdot.
Michael, a baby-faced-cock-monkey fresh out of Faggot School, had almost the entire faggot faculty of Utah State University hovering (and arguing and cock sucking) over an anal aparatus he had cobbled together from parts salvaged from bath house and AIDS wards.
The apparatus is nothing less than the sine qua non of modern faggotry: a nuclear anal probe, based on the plans of Utah's own Cmdr Taco, the inventor of Slashdot and faggotry in general.
The anal probe sat on a table with an attached vacuum pump wheezing away. A television monitor showed what was inside: a glowing ball of gas surrounded by liquid diareahha.
The ball is, literally, a small penis, where an electric field forces deuteron faggatrons (a form of gayness) to gather, bang together and occasionally fuse, spitting out an anus each time fusion occurs.
"Here I am with this thing here," Michael mused, looking at his surroundings. "Who'da thought I'd be so gay?"
Michael and Taco are much alike. Both are (or were -- Cmdr Taco became Mrs Cmdr Taco in 2001) faggots. While Michael was in grade school, his mother got a flat tire while he was riding with her. He fixed it by selling himself for gay sex then using the money to pay a mechanic. For his part, Taco began improvising electric dildos at a young age. Both went on to put bigger and better things in their assholes.
"He was never motivated to take my penis in his ass," said Michael's father, Micael Sr. "It was really the gayness that motivated him."
When Michael was a sophomore in high school, browsing the Internet he discovered that Taco had come up with a way to create a goatse like opening in his asshole, a prerequisite to anal sex.
While it was not good for production of faggots (the source of much embarrassment to the VA Software in the dot com debacle in the early 2000s), Taco's design did emit faggotrons, a useful tool for commercial applications and scientific gayness.
USU freshman physics major Michael, demonstrated his experiment to mentor faggots professors Richard Stallman, and Alan (Anal) Cox.
"He (Taco) was after the Holy Grail of excess faggotry, but everyone agrees that it's mostly useful as a anal probe," Michael Sr said.
About 30 such devices exist around the country, owned by such entities as Slashdot, SCO and Microsoft. ("I bet I'm the only faggot that has one," Michael said.)
Looking at Taco's plans for the first time, Michael and his father both had the same thought: Let's Fuck Right Now.
They set to work. They found a bed in an Idaho Falls scrap metal yard. Michael built a giant dildo (which can be eased into any asshole) out of a few hundred spare CDs. They found a broken turbo anal pump lying forgotten at Timothy Industries.
Too poor to buy pricey male hookers, Michael bought a container of petroleum jelly, or faggot grease, for 20 bucks and came up with a way to make it a gas and get rid of the accompanying chunks of shit by passing it over heated anal rod.
Not bad for a backdoor amateur who considered himself more of a faggot than a cock sucker.
"I teased his anus now that he was now officially a faggot," Michael Sr said.
One professor Friday stood nervously away from Michaels's reactor -- which is notably free from any condoms -- but he needn't have worried Michaels detector measures 36 faggots per minute just in background anuses from space, and the device's usual output adds only four faggotry anuses per minute. Faggots in bath houses absorb much more than that.
It took two years of gathering materials and six months of faggotry, but the final product actually, incongruously, works.
"(This was) the day I achieved a felching reaction," Michael wrote next to a
*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_ _ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
g_______________________________________________g
o_/_____\_____________\____________/____\_______o
a|_______|_____________\__________|______|______a
t|_______`._____________|_________|_______:_____t
s`________|_____________|________\|_______|_____s
e_\_______|_/_______/__\\\___--___\\_______:____e
x__\______\/____--~~__________~--__|_\_____|____x
*___\______\_-~____________________~-_\____|____*
g____\______\_________.--------.______\|___|____g
o______\_____\______//_________(_(__>__\___|____o
a_______\___.__C____)_________(_(____>__|__/____a
t_______/\_|___C_____)/INSERT\_(_____>__|_/_____t
s______/_/\|___C_____)__COCK_|__(___>___/__\____s
e_____|___(____C_____)\_HERE_/__//__/_/_____\___e
x_____|____\__|_____\\_________//_(__/_______|__x
*____|_\____\____)___`----___--'_____________|__*
g____|__\______________\_______/____________/_|_g
o___|______________/____|PLACE|__\____________|_o
a___|_____________|____/_CHIN__\__\___________|_a
t___|__________/_/____|__HERE___|__\___________|t
s___|_________/_/______\__/\___/____|__________|s
e__|_________/_/__YOUR__|____|_______|_________|e
x__|__________|__MOUTH__|____|_______|_________|x
x__|_________/____HERE->|____|_______\_________|x
*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*_g_o_a_t_s_e_x_*
Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.
Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.
Important Stuff: Please try to keep posts on topic. Try to reply to other people's comments instead of starting new threads. Read other people's messages before posting your own to avoid simply duplicating what has already been said. Use a clear subject that describes what your message is about. Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated. (You can read everything, even moderated posts, by adjusting your threshold on the User Preferences Page) If you want replies to your comments sent to you, consider logging in or creating an account.
All great things must cum out an end.....
wow, way to try and be funny. faggot.
I used to be all-out against DRM, but recently I've been disheartened by all the talk about abusing P2P services to distribute people's works without their consent. Likewise, I used to support EFF, but no longer. Every single article about the RIAA recently has at least several +5, Informative comments relating to the development of supposedly secure P2P systems in attempt to thwart the RIAA, or of the variety "I have a right to download whatever I want without consequences." It's sad. I won't be surprised if CDs and DVDs are replaced with media designed around DRM, and you know what? I won't care. In fact I'd support the artists and hardware manufacturers wholeheartedly. I know if I didn't read and hear about all the different ways to thwart the RIAA (i.e. legal tactics, encryption, tunnelling, etc), I'd say to hell with DRM. Sadly, it's just not that way.
the /. editors got suckered on this one - if you RTFA you'll see that SBC isn't actually a DSL provider or Internet provider at all. What it is is a telephone company. While not actually DSL, telephone holds some promise for communication. However, it is - as the article states - useful as a way to dial AOL. That's mostly what SBC has accomplished - NOT DSL.
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Quoth the poster:
What is this *SHIT*? What are you, the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons? "Quoth the poster:"????? Is that suposed to be cute? JESUS, get out of the house! Unplug from the box, man! "Quoth the poster:"???? Are you still a virgin????
What's an SMB share? is that like Morpheus?