Telstar 4 is Down

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Posted by michael on Friday September 19, 2003 @10:06AM from the entropy-increases dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Sometime this morning (Sept. 19) Telstar 4 had a major onboard failure. I just checked a few minutes ago and there are CW carriers up on 11700 MHz V & 12200 MHz H, so the spacecraft would appear to still be in its orbital slot - just no traffic. The Loral Skynet site has no mention of this yet, but supposedly Telstar 8 was already scheduled to replace T4, so they may just speed the process up. This turn of events will no doubt be of some small concern to Intelsat, who recently agreed to purchase most of Loral's US domestic fleet, including T4."

23 of 368 comments (clear)

I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is by linuxbaby · 2003-09-19 10:07 · Score: 5, Funny

My girlfriend always told me that when I talk tech with fellow tech-heads I make no sense at all.

"It's hard for me to believe it's even English you're speaking. I don't recognize any of the words."

Reading this Slashdot post just made me understand what she means.

It's like a bad sci-fi screenplay!

(Telstar? CW carriers? 11700 MHz V & 12200 MHz H? orbital slot? Intelsat? Loral's US domestic fleet?)
1. Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is by Merk · 2003-09-19 10:14 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I think it's a satellite.
  
  Either that or an old TV show.
  
  Or maybe the aliens are invading.
  
  Now I wonder if this story was accepted because a) it sounded real tech-like, b) the person who accepted knows what the submitter is talking about, c) the random number generator was less than 0.01, d) Cowboy Neal.
  
  But one thing's for sure, as it stands, the story has yet to answer the all-important questions: "How does this affect me, and why should I care?"
2. Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is by Waffle+Iron · 2003-09-19 10:43 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  It's like a bad sci-fi screenplay!
  It was a typical Friday at Telstar control: slow. McMurray was at the main console. He was idly thinking about which sandwiches he was going to pick up at Subway on the way home for the family.
  Suddenly, an alarm light flashed. McMurray looked at the status screen, and it took a moment to sink in. Telstar 4 had just gone down. "Strange", he thought. "I've never seen a bird go offline just like that."
  He punched a few commands to try to contact the satellite, but got no response. He muttered under his breath "It's going to be a long night."
  Ok, first things first. He e-mailed his wife to tell her he'd wouldn't be getting dinner after all. He fired off an anonymous story submission about the situation to Slashdot.
  At this point, it still looked like a simple electronic failure. There was no hint of impending disaster; no indication of what might happen to the planet in a few short hours. Nobody on earth noticed the tiny deep violet pinpoint that was just now becoming detectable over the northern rim of the full moon. A few bored geeks on Slashdot posted some lame jokes about the Telstar 4 story.
  McMurray was just about to reroute the command channel to the eastern uplink station when the entire control center suddenly went black. He sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, then the shockwave hit...
  [ To read the rest of this bad screenplay, you must have a premium membership. Log on now to continue. ]
3. Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is by wfberg · 2003-09-19 10:59 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  "It's hard for me to believe it's even English you're speaking. I don't recognize any of the words."
  
  Reading this Slashdot post just made me understand what she means.
  
  Telstart 4 heeft vanmorgen (19 september) een interne storing gehad. Ik heb het een paar minuten geleden gecontroleerd, en er zijn nog draaggolven op 11.7Ghz verticaal en 12.1 Ghz horizontaal, dus de satelliet hangt nog in zijn baan om de aarde, alleen er is geen signaal te bekennen. Op de webpagina's van Loral Skynet staat nog geen aankondiging, maar Telstar 4 stond toch al op de nominatie om vervangen te worden door Telstar 8, dus misschien versnellen ze die uitrol. Intelsat zal zich dit nieuws zeker aantrekken, aangezien ze laatst overeengekomen met Loral om het grootste deel van hun satellieten die boven de VS hangen over te nemen, waaronder deze.
  
  Is that better?
  
  --
  SCO employee? Check out the bounty
A major crisis! by mercuryresearch · 2003-09-19 10:09 · Score: 5, Funny

This is a crisis of earth-shattering proportions for many.

One of Telstar 4's nicknames in the industry is "nookiesat" -- as it carries several of the leading porn channels in the US. :-)
Re:T2 Armageddon Averted? by powerlord · 2003-09-19 10:11 · Score: 4, Funny

Yes, but don't worry ... It'll be back.

--
This space for rent. All reasonable inquiries will be entertained at proprietors discretion.
Re:my guess ... by geekoid · 2003-09-19 10:11 · Score: 4, Funny

that would be a hell of a hurricane if its damaging satalites!

--
The Kruger Dunning explains most post on /. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
So what does this mean to the average user? by rushfan · 2003-09-19 10:11 · Score: 4, Funny

Does the internet still work?

Can we still download the latest Windows security patches?

Do we still get stupid invoices from sco.com?

-- Rushdan
Re:Huh? by Anonymous Coward · 2003-09-19 10:13 · Score: 4, Funny

Hell, I'm from Gillette, Wyoming and have heard of Telstar satellites.
It's the Mothership... by sfled · 2003-09-19 10:18 · Score: 4, Funny

"They're using our own satellites against us!"
- Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day

--
I'm not really a web designer, I just play one on the Internet.
1. Re:It's the Mothership... by nacturation · 2003-09-19 10:43 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  "They're using our own satellites against us!"
  - Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day
  
  Nothing to worry about. I hear those evil aliens run systems which are Mac compatible and they forgot to set the root password.
  
  --
  Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
You may not miss it ... by Anonymous Coward · 2003-09-19 10:18 · Score: 5, Funny

Among other things , T4 carried traffic for Muzak (in-store music and ads) and at least one of their competitors (for whom I work). The company's been scrambling all day to get the traffic rerouted through another satellite, but each and every customer will have to physically realign their dish.
Enjoy the silence while it lasts ...
Major League Baseball by PoitNarf · 2003-09-19 10:18 · Score: 5, Funny

Rejoice! That was the satellite that Major League Baseball was using to spy on us.

--

"0101100101? It's just jibberish. *looks in mirror, gasps* 1010011010@!? AHHHHHH!!"
Sorry! My bad! by Un+pobre+guey · 2003-09-19 10:24 · Score: 5, Funny

Sorry guys! I accidentally uploaded the wrong firmware version from CVS. We'll send somebody up there to reboot the system soon.
Please stand by.
Your big moment... by jemenake · 2003-09-19 10:24 · Score: 5, Funny

Sometime this morning (Sept. 19) Telstar 4 had a major onboard failure. I just checked a few minutes ago and there are CW carriers up on 11700 MHz V & 12200 MHz H...
So... you sit at home all day and check the status of satellites?
The Loral Skynet site has no mention of this yet...
But I'll bet you've already phoned them up and informed them, huh? I can picture the sense of glee racing through your mind as you punched in the phone number... anticipating the moment you've been waiting for all these long years... the moment when you get to notify one of the "big boys" that their satellite isn't working before they find out themselves.

Well... now that that's over with, nothing left to do but go get a life, I suppose.
Even worse... by AEton · 2003-09-19 10:25 · Score: 4, Funny

Telstar 4 has mutinied and is orchestrating the robot rebellion against humanity. The Loral Global Alliance faction's Loral SKYNET program has gone too far this time.

Looking at Telstar 4's coverage map, it's clear that SKYNET plans to strike first in an east-west corridor bounded by New Mexico and Ohio; the killing robot machines will move outward until they capture most of Canada, half of Mexico, and all of Hawaii.

Save us, Terminate SKYNET!

--
We recently had heard in the office over one of the Yellow Machine that's made by Anthology Solutions.
1. Re:Even worse... by blackmonday · 2003-09-19 11:03 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  I, for one, welcome our new satellite-guided human killing robot overlords.
Re:This may affect you because by MoxCamel · 2003-09-19 10:27 · Score: 4, Funny

...I work for the Erotic Networks...
I think I speak for a large majority of fellow Slashdotters, when I rub my hands together and creepishly ask "Got any job openings there?" (Grabs for inhaler...)
Re:This may affect you because by Wirr · 2003-09-19 10:41 · Score: 4, Funny

(I work for the Erotic Networks)
Welcome on my friend list.
I always wanted to be able to tell people that I have friends at the Erotic Network.

Not that I can watch Telstar here in Germany, but hey, its the thought that counts.
Re:This may affect you because by switcha · 2003-09-19 10:48 · Score: 4, Funny

I work for the Erotic Networks
I think I speak for a large majority of fellow Slashdotters, when I rub my hands together and creepishly ask "Got any job openings there?
Rub your hands where?

--
You know what? ... A little club soda *did* get that out!
Oh... GREAT... by jbuilder · 2003-09-19 11:13 · Score: 4, Funny

I ordered the Jenna Jameson day long movie marathon on PPV this morning and had my PVR and my bottle of lotion at the ready... I am SO screwed.... and not in the good way either...! ;)

--
Polymorphism -- It's what you make of it.
There's still crap on my TV by amyhughes · 2003-09-19 11:45 · Score: 4, Funny

This hasn't improved the programming any. Better luck next time? Amy
Oh great... by rune2 · 2003-09-19 15:04 · Score: 4, Funny

I think that's the first time we've Slashdotted a satellite.