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Smart Sofa Recognizes Occupants by Weight
I am Kobayashi writes "According to CNN.com scientists at Trinity College in Dublin have created my dream couch. And yes, I admit to being a couch potato... Apparently the couch can be programmed with a personal greeting (it recognizes you by weight), and the scientists hope that it will one day be able to automatically tune to your favorite television programs, order you take out food, and control other household appliances."
"Cindy? Who is Cindy? No, honest honey, I have no idea who Cindy is. What's this couch talking about! ?"
It won't be able to recognize you by weight if it continues to do absolutely everything for you, like ordering food and changing the channel on the TV without requiring you to get up...
I wonder if they built an AI into it to intelligently determine who the occupant is by weight gain over time...
Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Science: Pushing the boundaries of sloth, one invention at a time.
...if I sat on it: "Hey, fat ass."
...will be released as the La-Z-Homer 3000.
I, for one, welcome our new sofa overlords.
couch: 3.2 metric tonnes, hello Cowboy Neil!
Trolling is a art,
So say I sit down with my backpack on may lap, it gets me wrong. Or if a kid/cat/dog jumps on my lap.
:)
Or kids jump on the couch and break it.
Or 2 kids sit next to each other in the space it takes to fit me, and the TV tunes it to my favorite porn station
or I lose a few pounds and it tunes me in to my wife's favorite shows...
This sounds pretty crappy to me
no comment
Will the sofa tell you if you're sitting on the remote? Half the time I can't find the remote, it's because I'm sitting on it. I am obese.
Now the wife isn't the only one to tell you to lose weight.
Just imagine watching the superbowl, when you pick up a chip. Only to have your couch tell you "Put down the chip chubby."
i can see potential problems already.
say i'm sitting on the couch... some loose change falls out of my pocket.... i get up...
now the couch thinks my leperchaun is sitting there and plays the irish channel all day long. that would be so annoying.
Masturbating, of course.
from their prototype that required you to place a 12 ounce, specially modified bluetooth tranciever up your ass.
Great, just what I need.
So say I sit down with my backpack on may lap, it gets me wrong.
Clippy: So, you gain 20 pounds in just 2 days. Would you like to:
[ ] Enroll as sumo wrestler (you are qualified now)
[ ] Enroll in Taco Gym
[ ] Cowboyneal!
[ ] All of above
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Error 500: Internal sig error
Even my furniture says it hardly recognizes me.
Having a sofa that says "Hello Bob" is all well and good. Right up until it starts saying "Hello Fat Cousin Rita" when you put on a few pounds over the holidays.
"Get up and take out the trash like you said you were going to THREE DAYS AGO YOU WORTHLESS BUM!!"
Or..
"If I find another porno in the DVD player you're not getting any for a month!"
Or..
"Honey, I'm sorry but I'm leaving you for Mandingo. I hope you and your couch have a happy life together YOU LAZY SONOFABITCH!!"
This could be bad. Very bad...
I don't want knowledge. I want certainty. - Law, David Bowie
I was expecting a lot of fat jokes and knee-jerk "this won't work" trolls on this story, but even I didn't expect anyone to work in "The Orwellian Connection." Congrats.
How can we continue to believe in a just universe and freedom to eat crackers if we have no ale?
"Your honor, I did it because my husband hacked the sofa to say 'whoah, one at a time!' whenever I sat down on it."
"Judgement in favor of the defendent: Justifiable homicide."
"Derp de derp."
And this is a problem how, exactly? :)
The bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away
Sofa: "Get the hell off me, you fat bastard!"
Table-ized A.I.
..in from stage left walks the average Joe Husband.
Cut to frame of just door handle.. hand reaches in from left of frame and turns handle.
Door opens showing a delivery boy holding a pizza and asking, "Who ordered the large extra-cheese sausage?"
Cut to close up of husband's face looking puzzled.. then turns to look over shoulder with a stern look of annoyance.
Cut to full-frame shot of the three-section sofa.
"COUCH!!!" comes a voice from off screen (ala Hogan's Heroes).. Cue the canned laugher from 80s sitcoms.
Gee, maybe in just thirty or fourty years these scientists will figure out some way to interface their fantastic wonderful invention into an ordinary TV remote control! Even without the clue of using a biometric like weight to try to distinguish people, did anyone else get the feeling these sientists might not be the cream of the crop?
I'm an American. I love this country and the freedoms that we used to have.
It just seems like the solution to a problem that doesn't exist.
Perfect. They can sell it on late night infomercials.
Ron: Are you tired of turning on your own TV?
Bimbo: Oh, Ron I hate that!
Ron: How many times has this happened to you? [Actor on screen drops remote under the sofa and fumbles around while showing copious amounts of crack]
Bimbo: Constantly! That is quality time out of your life that you will never get back!
Ron: Then you need the Lay-Z-Homer 3000*
and so on...
*Borrowed from above.
- Greetings, Anna.
Ok, that's it! Time to stop kissing Madonna and start kicking ASS!Would you like a new box of chocolate cream puffs delivered to you now?
Your reality show from last night is ready to view on the Tivo.
-- @rjamestaylor on Ello
--- Jason Olshefsky
Karma: Poser (mostly affected by adding this line long after everyone else did)
Detects extended period of inactivity. Comes complete with 8 liters of embalming fluid.
It's only funny until someone gets hurt. Then, it's hilarious.
It would be even more embarassing if the three just sat down and the sofa greeted them "Hi Mike."
Oh, I wish I had my reaching broom!
--Homer
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"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.