Slashdot Mirror
How Were You Fired?
IanBevan asks: "A couple of years ago, the company I was working for was taken over by a larger competitor. I was told, right up until the last minute, that my development job was safe. Shortly thereafter, our illustrious team leader issued a new project plan, and I discovered that all my tasks were suddenly due to finish in about one week's time. Not being a great believer in coincidence, I asked my boss if there was 'anything he would like to tell me'. Of course, there was. Looking back this seems quite amusing now, but it could certainly have been better handled by the PHBs. I was just wondering, how have other Slashdot readers discovered that they have become 'surplus to requirements'?"
I wasn't fired.
They fired me in a straightforward way, just calling me into the office, my manger and his manger in there saying "we're letting you go" and shakiny my hand.
Now, the headless maniquine with my name across the chest and a knife in the book with fake blood collecting in a pool was *totally* unnecessary and maybe a little tasteleless.
off.
I arrived at work on the day of the layoffs to find the doors locked; the only door unlocked was the main entrance, staffed by security guards, inside and out. When I entered, there were processing tables, you told them your name, they told you which room to report to. ...
..."
So, I was escorted to the room, where the corp counsel was waiting; he went through my severance package: essentially 2 weeks salary IF I agreed to sign of saying I wouldn't sue them; I didn't, because It appeared to me that they were violating WARN
The funny part: this guy then demanded my company ID, since it was company property. "Fine", I say, "after I retrieve my personal belongings from my desk." He says I can make an appointment to come get my stuff next week. I say "fine. You can likewise make an appointment to come by my house and get your ID next week." He says, you don't understand, we need your ID, it is ours. blah blah blah. End with "You don't understand: I am not turning it over until I get my stuff. You can't make me, and you can't threaten me; what are you going to do, fire me? It's a matter of principle, and there is no room for negotiation. Besides, I intend to get my stuff, today, regardless, so you can just make this easy on both of us and avoid an ugly situation if you just let me collect my belongings, which is what you SHOULD do anyway
I was escorted to my desk to get my stuff. Who knew that they wanted it back that bad? (I was the only one that left with a box; everyone else got a laugh out of that one...)
In the early 1980's, I worked for a software spin-off of an engineering company that was going down the tubes rapidly. One Friday I went to work to find:
1) A very polite policeman at the door.
2) No electricity.
3) No management people.
4) Confused employees.
5) An envelope at my desk with a check for 1/2 of my pay.
6) On the memo line, it read: "WYSIWYG"
7...
8) no profit.
My wife owned the company
http://Lenny.com
I haven't been fired (yet) you insensitive clod. Posting on Slashdot at work certainly isn't helping though.
I showed up at work like I always do and some guy name Steve ushered me to a sound proof room and made me listen to bad 70's music.
After a few minutes, I got to go up to my cubicle and there I saw it. My computer was being manhandled by another geek. The geek told me it was over but I had to hear it for myself. But, the computer never uttered a sound. I made that long walk out of that cubicle to never see my precious baby again.
I still love her Jerry
Yes, I'm an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
Ian, Is there something you need to tell me? Am I reading /. too much? Security is heading this way.. yipes..
C:>FDisk
Did that scumbag also steal your swingline stapler?
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Etiquette is etiquette. He kills his mother but he can't wear grey trousers.
Me: I, I, I, I, I didn't receive my paycheck this week.
Boss: Uh, you're gonna have to talk to Payroll about that.
Me: I, I did and they, and they said -
Boss: Uh, we're gonna need to move you downstairs into Storage B.
Me: No...I...I...
Boss: Uh, we have some new people coming in and we need all the space we can get.
Me: No...no...no...no...but...but...but...I, I, I -
Boss: If you could just pack up all of your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific. See ya. (He walks away.)
Me: I can't...Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler?
I was a contractor and my contract was up for renewal.
:-) Three months working for the moron was more than enough.
I was asked to come to a meeting where my knowledge would be evaluated (job was dbase in the dos days).
About the 2nd or 3rd question was: "How many files can you have open at one time [on a DOS system]?"
To which I replied "Yer kidding, right? I have no idea, nor do I care. I've never hit it, but I know that there's an environment variable that will let me change it at boot time. Could we just skip the questions that don't matter and could be looked up trivially?"
My "boss" wasn't impressed - mostly embarrassed, I hope. Anyway, I wasn't renewed, which was fine by me
That every single one of you worthless lazy pricks who got fired and hasn't found another job yet is a drain on honest hardworking people everywhere. You are violating your God-given mandate to produce, produce, PRODUCE!!!!!!!! GET A JOB, LEECHES!!!!!!!
Thank you,
The Cato Institute
probably went something like this...
*phone rings*
Matt: Hello?
VP: Hey there, Matt...so, what are you wearing?
Matt: *vomits noisily*
VP: That's it *pouts* You're fired.
Karma: Chevy Kavalierma.
Simple revenge on this one. No one saw you learn of your termination, right? So just show up to work one day when the bar is full of customers and play ignorant.
Question the manager loudly in the presence of customers: "What do you mean I was fired? When did this happen? Oh, YOU GAVE ME A LETTER BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SPINELESS TO FIRE ME TO MY FACE. What kind of incompetant manager doesn't meet with an employee to discuss employment task changes?" and so on.
Make a scene, but don't act angry or violent, just loudly and earnestly question the ex-Boss for about 10 minutes and then leave (before the cops show up).
If you do it right, it comes off as a comedy and the audience will start heckling your former boss, who should then lose it and start in on the customers. The customers will retaliate by bad mouthing the ex-Boss and most likely walk out of the bar enmasse
You sure you have yet to get a job because you...
#1 Can not spell DURESS
#2 Have no idea how to use paragraphs?
Our own Catbert called us in one by one and seemed to take some pleasure in firing us techies, I think cos he just seemed to think all the stuff we did was a waste of good marketing money. The laugh was they layed off the hosting arm of the company without telling the sales force, about two days before their star sales guy lands this massive contract that could have saved the company, if only they had the systems to back it up! The next week Catbert is on the phone - would I like my job back? He creeped and crawled and tried to make out it was some clerical error etc, but by then all us techies had new jobs and happily watched the old company slide into oblivion.
A long time ago I saw an ad in the Sunday paper for a receptionist position at the company where I worked. On Monday I congratulated the current receptionist on her promotion and she had no idea what I was talking about.
Ooops. And would you believe I actually caught crap from my boss for leaking what was in the paper the previous day?