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The Incredible Shrinking Recording Studio
what_the_frell writes "Wired has an interesting article on the increased use of laptops as a replacement for a recording studio. The article touches on how music schools are requiring the purchase of a Powerbook and software for this very reason, and also highlights artists like Steve Vai who are moving over to the more portable platform. Does this mean I can finally record that rock opera I've always dreamed about?"
... they're using Macs. What about those of us who prefer to use a different platform?
Oh, and Frosty Piss !!
Nigger owner's manual
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your nigger will give
years of valuable, if reluctant, service.
INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house
model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to
another nigger immediately on unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever.
Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out
of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or
hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most
owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus,
Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective
names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or
Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also
righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.
CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER.
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can
master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However,
others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call
a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at
least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say,
anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not
the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the
boat
HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are
wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard
of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site
a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels
out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never
invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy
to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in
Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage,
as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these
things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with
salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other
niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger
cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been
stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all
niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend
much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks
while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would
be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You r
BOOM! Welcome to my foes list asshat! Get a fucking life asshole.