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Ballmer Touts Focus on Security
kevinvee writes "Microsoft's Steve Ballmer announced a renewed focus on security at the Worldwide Partner Conference yesterday. He recognizes the fatal user flaw of not applying patches and introduced an educational plan to help correct this. Also included in his statement was a response about computer researchers who publish flaws in Microsoft products, 'I wish those people just would be quiet.' The end of the article gives unbiased coverage of some people's opinions about the latest announcement."
Developers, Developers, Developers
FP?
For years now, the common American penis bird has been a staple of every American's daily diet. Whether it be penis
bird sandwiches, fried penis bird, or perhaps penis bird under glass (for the rich), we all have penis bird at least
once a day. Many Americans have no clue how the penis bird became so important in the pyramid of a balanced diet, so
in this article I will attempt to explain its history and why it is so useful.
In the early 1870s, Francis Zefran became the first penis bird breeder in North America. He started his famous Penis
Bird Ranch in Canton, OH. At the time, not much was known of the penis bird's nutritional value, but the Penis Bird
Ranch changed all of that. Not only did Francis Zefran raise penis birds to sell their colorful plumes (a VERY
lucrative business), he also set up the world's first research lab dedicated solely to the study of the penis bird.
The lab found many interesting things. First, it was discovered that thepenis bird was actually semi-sentient. Second,
the scientists found that the meat of the penis bird was high in protein, vitamin A, vitamin B, and calcium, while low
in fat, cholestorol, and sodium. Never before had such a nutritious meal been had without supplement or fortification.
The scientists of the lab recommended immediately that the penis bird become a part of every American's daily diet.
When the news of the penis bird's usefulness reached president Rutherford B. Hayes, he was absolutely ecstatic. You
see, President Hayes owed a number of favors to Francis Zefran because as I said earlier, the penis bird plume trade
was an extremely lucrative business and Mr. Zefran was important in getting RBH elected through a number of monetary
gifts. President Hayes immediately asked Congress to pass what we all know today as the Hayes/Zefran Penis Bird
Consumption Act.
The act did a number of things to make the penis bird a daily meal, most important of which was the requirement that
for every four people in a household, one penis bird must consumed every day. Another thing the act did was create an
artificial monopoly for Francis Zefran's Penis Bird Industries. The act stated that the only supplier of penis bird
meat in the US would be PBI. As one would imagine, this quickly made Francis Zefran into the richest man in the world.
He was soon a multi-billionaire (quadrillionaire with today's inflation). Never before had a single man seen such
wealth.
Many challenges were made to the Hayes/Zefran Penis Bird Consumption Act, and several even made it the Supreme Court.
It was argued that the act was unconstitutional and went against liberty itself, but once the detractors tasted
delicious penis bird meat for the first time, they immediately dropped their cases and followed the law to the letter.
We all know today that penis bird is the most delicious meat man has ever known, but at that time, the only meats
people ate were pork and beef.
In the early 1970s, though, challenges to the act began again. Many argued that the monopoly given to Penis Bird
Industries by the act was in all ways unamerican. The Supreme Court finally agreed, and in 1974, Section II of the act
was struck down. This in effect opened the market to competition for all.
Today, Penis Bird Industries is almost no more. Today we have the market leader Penis Bird Meat International facing
against Penissoft, a recent startup. Where will the future lead the penis bird market? Only time will tell us, but one
thing is certain: penis birds are here to stay!
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-klerck (Reproduced by AC)
WHAT A HYPOCRITE!
"That government which rules least, rules best!" she shouts as she rips open her shirt. The brunette was perhaps six feet tall and all leg. Damn! How incredibly perky she was. Not a flabby and fat liberal, as to which I was accustomed. "I believe in laissez-faire capitalism!" she screams, and instantly I have a gigantic erection. I immediately demanded that she get into my forest green Thunderbird, and love was born. Truly, this was the beginning of the end for me, as I would never again find such happiness.