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Augmented Astronauts Needed for Deep Space Missions

A random reader writes "IEEE is carrying a story about how 'extended space missions' may require a little forced evolution, or BORGIFYING. Humans must have additional abilities via implanted technologies (repair bones, monitor radiation levels). Machines must become more organic (fixing themselves, etc)."

10 of 182 comments (clear)

  1. As long as the software isn't written by Microsoft by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Running Windows Update so you don't drop dead is a little dodgy.

  2. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE by spoonist · · Score: 5, Funny

    Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

    Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

    [Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen]

    [Riker looks puzzled] "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

    [Data turns to answer] "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

    Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

    Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

    Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

    . . . 15 Minutes Later . . .

    Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and, as expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

    Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

    Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we have missed."

    Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

    Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . .

    Geordi, excited: "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

    Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?"

    Data: "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

    Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

    . . .Two Hours Pass. . .

    Riker: "Geordi, what's the status on the Borg?"

    Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

    Picard: "How much time will that buy us ?"

    Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

    Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

    Picard: "Identify."

    Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

    Over the speakers: "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

    Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

    Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

    Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

    Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe-skin leat

    1. Re:RESISTANCE IS FUTILE by sharkey · · Score: 4, Funny

      Installing Windows in 15 minutes? You KNOW it's fake.

      --

      --
      "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
  3. A new use for "Clippy." ;) by Not_Wiggins · · Score: 5, Funny

    Because keeping an astronaut alive in space is so expensive and risky, we struggle to leverage the capacity of each member of the small crew through devices such as the Personal Satellite Assistant, an intelligent flying appliance. And some of you may recall occasional glimpses of Shuttle astronauts using laptops to assist them in various ways.

    If Microsoft had its way, this would be powered by "Clippy." ;)

    Astronaught (types into console): "Jetison all waste"

    Clippy: Did you mean jetison all remaining oxygen?

    --
    Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie!" until you can find a rock.
    1. Re:A new use for "Clippy." ;) by benjamindees · · Score: 4, Funny

      You: Open the hatch, Clippy.
      Clippy9000: I'm sorry, Dave. I can't do that.

      --
      "I assumed blithely that there were no elves out there in the darkness"
  4. Re:Surviving the journey by Tumbleweed · · Score: 5, Funny

    That would depend on your definition of 'deep space.'

    But that's only one dimension of space - what about 'tall space' and 'wide space'? We're ignoring two of the 3 dimensions - maybe there's where all that 'missing matter' is...I should call Prof. Hawking about this.

  5. Not just for space by ben_of_copenhagen · · Score: 4, Insightful
    Theres some bizarre psychology in this that i just dont get.
    What about augmenting people just for general health reasons - not fluffing about in deep space (fascinating as it may sound).

    Every day thousand of people die because one of their cardic valves cave in or because they cant react fast enough in traffic. The former should be easy to monitor with a simple implant that might also be able to medicate the patient before dialling 911 and dumping gps data and medical stats to the paramedics. The latter is about enhancing reflexes.

    Im sure the common /.'er could come up with a handfull of other augmentations that would be nice - or indeed lifesaving to have.
    And i think we will see a lot of those before we see people walking on mars.

  6. Stephen Hawking's take on this... by jrsimmons · · Score: 4, Interesting

    For those of you who are truly intrigued by space, time, and the effects it will have on humanity, I highly recommend this book . Hawking is an excellent writer and reknowned scientist, a rare combination, and goes into detail in his book, "The Universe in a Nutshell". I just finished the cd-rom version and enjoyed it very much.

    --
    If you would like to be a leader with a large following...drive slowly down a windy two-lane road
  7. This is the wave of the future. by Musc · · Score: 4, Insightful

    I think that the idea of artificially enhancing ourselves with technology is the right approach, but the BORG technique of implanting high-tech computerized devices seems the wrong approach. Basically, this would open up our very bodies to hackers. By now we should all be aware how very difficult a problem computer security is. Personally I feel that computers and networks can never be made secure, and thus we should stop trying. Just imagine the inevitable result when some black-hat cracker breaks through the encryption protecting your enhanced liver, and proceeds to turn it into 'reverse', whereby it spews toxins into your bloodstream? Compound this with the fact that probably our bodies will be running Microsoft operating systems, and you see why this is the wrong approach.

    The correct way to enhance ourselves is the technique outlined by Science Fiction Author Larry Niven. In variou Niven novels and short stories, the characters can live for hundreds of years by means of organ banks. If you lose an arm, use nanotechnology to put on a new arm. Of course, this will require two developments: improved nanotechnology, and the development of organ banks for all body parts. Probably this will lead to the death penalty becoming the standard punishmnent for every minor crime, so as to keep the organ banks full of fresh organs, allowing rich people to live forever at the expense of everybody else.

    I hope this happens within my lifetime, as it is a Utopian scenario indeed.

    --
    Hamsters are at least as feathery as penguins. HamLix
  8. Antigravity/artificial gravity must be found first by master_p · · Score: 4, Interesting

    Antigravity is too important to ignore. If it can be found, it means that huge spaceships that are themselves biospheres can be constructed on the Earth's surface, then lifted into space by antigravity.

    Artificial gravity, on the other hand, is necessary because it will allow cosmonauts to be like on Earth, and skip a whole generation of health problems.

    That's the only solution for realistic deep space travel (and if we can crack gravity, maybe the secret of Faster-Than-Light travel is revealed).