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Ideas Unlimited: 11 Suggestions for New Inventions
securitas writes "The New York Times asked 11 prominent people to write about a device that they'd like to see invented (Google). Contributors include John Perry Barlow, Scott Adams, William Gibson and Bill Joy, among others. There are some intriguing ideas and some that are way out there, but lots of fun for geeks everywhere."
This would have been a really cool article a few years ago, you know, back when to patent something you needed to actually build it and show it to the patent office.
In the current climate this article is completely redundant, if it can be conceived of it has not only been patented but there are defensive patents surrounding it's use, offensive patents surrounding it's use while painted a different colour and more than likely several publicly traded companies bidding on the future rights to sell a cut down version for kids.
The product itself will never be developed however because there are 3 studies proving it causes cancer and several court cases that are claiming that the concept artwork was inspiration for some violent outburst.
Please note, I have not even suggested the possibility that you might have to pay SCO for using it. Wait a minute. Damit!
An honest-to-goodness cluebat for the manager that Just Doesn't Get It[tm].
The New York Times asked 11 prominent people to write about a device that they'd like to see invented
Hmm, if they can think of something to invent, didn't they just invented it? I thought an invention was essentially something new that nobody thought about before (and no, it's not the same as something that's patented : you can patent something everybody wants).
Here's the invention I'm working on : a machine with a dictionary of technical words, verbs and old english expressions, that spits out random descriptions and diagrams, staples everything together, puts it in an envelope, stick a stamp on it and sends it to the USPTO automatically. It then sits on google, waits for pages with a lot of similar words, and automatically dials my attorney's number when it finds one. I expect to reap great profits from such a machine.
"A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of" - Ogden Nash
Just one big button saying "Solve My Problem", press it and voila....
No more phonecalls, no customers, no deadlines and ofcourse it autoinstalls gimmemoney 1.0 at the same time. :-)
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
Donald J. Trump... I would like a computer chip that I could attach to the brains of all my contractors so that they would know exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it, and at what price I wanted it. This would save me a lot of time and a lot of yelling.
Heck with contractors, I'd attach those chips to my wife and kids. For pretty much the same reasons. (Admit it, Donald, you'd do the same.)
Margret Cho says, "The computer should be powered by solar energy, which could be from any source, not only the sun, so that even the illumination of the screen could keep it going."
Holy Crap! Patent that before someone else does!
Download my free songs!
Not Yet, Thanks.
Okay, I'll take one for the team and make the obligatory Simpsons reference.
"Margaret, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics."
I want a device that gives me a hug when someone mods me up.
Finding the cat is one thing. Determining whether it is alive or dead has been proven to be impossible.
GAWS: The Goatse.cx Advanced Warning System
A heuristic neural network which would flash large warnings on a computer screen when an obfuscated link would lead the user to goatse.cx.
Trolling is a art,
Margaret Cho is not prominent.
--
RumorsDaily
Doesn't everyone just velcro them to the wall above the litter box?
Why is everyone backing away from me?!
-- Fratz, human
When whynot.net is available again, post to whynot.net asking for a pre-emptive solution to being slashdotted.
Err, yeah. It's bad news when the best idea out of your panel of 11 geniuses comes from Cris Collinsworth. Imagine if Terry Bradshaw or John Madden had been included!
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
*punch*
Let me get this straight... you want an electric thumb that happens to hold 4.2?
I think Ford and Zaphod would be proud!
Blockwars: multiplayer and free!
"They do not preach that their god will rouse them, a little before the Nuts work loose." Kipling, 'The Sons of Martha'
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I want a robotic nymphomaniac. I want her to look like Milla Jovovich. I want her to talk like a New Yorker. I want her to curse like a truck driver. And, I want her to have an aggressive "bodyguard mode" in which she goes absolutely POSTAL if anyone messes with her or me. Her signature move would be grabbing an enemy by the ankles, swinging him around in a hyperkinetic hammer throw, and going for distance! "Wow, honey, I think you cleared a hundred meters with that one, he almost made it to the river. You would have had much better distance if he hadn't have hit that billboard..."
Farewell! It's been a fine buncha years!
A use for the Segway.
I'd rather have someone respond than be modded up.
I don't know, but I hope the one who invented the didjeridu got beaten to death with it...
That is all.
Nah, just learn to be very convincing and let some random guy push your car towards your destination.
That wouldn't be too hard. Just tell the guy someone doesn't think he could push your car all the way to your office.
Damn, I just invented the Ego-powered car.
Yeah, I think I came up with this brilliant idea in 6th grade, something to do with an electric car that used a generator to continuously regenerate power. After we started discusing physics in Junior High, I felt really stupid having ever conceived of the above, because once it was mentioned to me, conservation of energy made perfect sense.
Now I don't feel so stupid, because I have living proof that people can graduate high school and STILL not understand the simple concept of conservation of energy.
Man is the animal that laughs.
And occasionally whores for Karma.