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Microsoft Offers A Bounty On Virus Writers
Iphtashu Fitz writes "According to news.com Microsoft will announce a bounty of $250,000 on Wednesday for information on who wrote two recent Windows viruses. The bounty is offered for information that leads to the arrest of the people who released the MSBlast worm and the SoBig virus. Microsoft will officially announce the reward in a joint press conference with the FBI and U.S. Secret Service Wednesday morning. This is the first time a company has offered money for information about the identity of the cybercriminals. Could this be the start of a new trend in going after the writers of viruses & worms?"
But this is ridiculous!
Tomorrow: $500k reward for writers of Linux or Apple viruses
...closer together.
Later in the same press conference, newly appointed Communications Secretary William Gates III announced that sale of all software in the United States will cease Monday, to be replaced by a Federally subsidised regime of nationally distributed software based on a uniform technology. In response to questions Mr. Gates indicated that the vendor supplying the software had not yet been selected, before laughing maniacally.
Read Pynchon.
There seem to be a couple of programs in Windows, I don't know their name, that shut-out competitors applications and routinely tunnel useage information back to it's headquarters. Not only that, but they seem to integrate with the system itself and mysterious de-configure my existing software. Strange.
They definately seem to be illegal, possibly even viruses; maybe I can get some payola from Microsoft for letting them know about them. Oh wait...
1. Write virus that causes billions of dollars in damage.
2. ??
3. Profit!!!
Microsoft just revealed step 2 as "Turn in your accomplice, get immunity and $250k".
shamefully neglected by Apple's Switch Campaign.
Because we know these virus-writing punks can't resist bragging about their exploits in whatever low-rent Usenet hang-outs they frequent, it should be interesting to see if there is as little honor among them as there is rumored to be among thieves.
Script-Kiddie: "Dude! You turned me in to... to... Microsoft!?! That's cold!"
Former Friend of Script-Kiddie: "Sorry, man, tuition at MIT is a real bitch, yo."
S.K.: "MIT? What choo talking 'bout, MIT? You go to Westchester Community College!"
F.F.o.S.K.: "That was before I got this here letter of recommendation from my new sponsor, William H. Gates III. Hey, whaddya think of these new Birkenstocks? Too gay? I kinda think they set off my eyes pretty well, yo..."
S.K.: "Dooooooood....!" (As two big guys in MS-branded butterfly suits drag him into back of van)
F.F.o.S.K.: "Hey, look me up when you get out, man. By then I should be setting myself up in my own company and will be able to use a guy with your leet skills."
Bounties, Bounties everywhere,
...
....
....
And I am loosing my Counties of how many there are.
Every Mountie must now be getting this idea,
that if they can't catch the Evilers Dead or Alive -
Make an Announcie of "X" Million Dollar Reward.
X is 25 for Osama, and 0.25 for MSBlatie,
10 for Saddamie, and 10 for his baby boys.
Some you will catchie and some will get away.
No Osama, but M$ might catchy MSBlastie,
No Saddam, but they got his progeny.
When will someone get the idea,
of Putting up X for the Lunactic,
or X for the Dubya who sammed the Iron Door shut,
or X for entry into the Pearly Gates
so that friendy turns on friendy,
and all Evilers become suiciders and deadenders
leaving rest of the worldie as a nice place,
when friends have turned on friendies,
and hacker on hackers,
and evil file sharers on eviler file sharers,
when Open Source Nigerian Scammers
have turned in their Princeton buddies
what is left of the world,
I hope I am not around to see
To see a world in a grain of sand, and then to step back and see the beach where the sand lies
1) Claim to be the virus writer
2) Get $250k
3) Bail yourself out of jail
Wow! Profit at stage #2 and no ???! This *has* to be a good plan!
I mod down anyone who says "I will be modded down for this", regardless of the rest of their comment
Dead or Alive?
This reminds me of O.J.'s promise not to rest until he personally found the real killers.
Cantankerous old coot since 1957.
Ever read the book, "The Silicon Samurai", the cracker in that book was very clever, a master of the art. Still he got caught. Why?
Possibly because it made a better story?
Do they want them dead, or alive?
Lisp is the Tengwar of programming languages.
I can see it now.
In particular, Microsoft would like to locate and permanently detain the individual responsible for the treacherous malware program called "Linux." This highly dangerous program causes Windows to not be present at all on any infected computer! Since, as Steve Ballmer keeps telling us, every time you fail to buy a Microsoft program, God kills a kitten ... Microsoft is offering a large bounty to find the author of this "Linux" program.
God Bless Mom, Apple Pie, and John Ashcroft! Preseve the American way of life! Find and destroy the evil virus writers!
Tired of FB/Google censorship? Visit UNCENSORED!
Scene: an interrogation cell in the Redmond Police Dept., shortly after the arrest of the virus writer.
Dramatis Persona:
Skip Kiddie - the alleged virus writer.
Sgt. Fritz DaMan - a police officer
Bill Gates
Skip: 7h!$ $u><orz! 1 d!n`7 dew 7hj!$!
Bill: Sargent, could you go get me a glass of water? For your troubles (hands Fritz a bundle of US$100 bills).
Fritz: Sure thing, Mr. Gates! You know we are all here to serve you! (Backs out of room, bowing)
Bill: OK, sparky, here's the deal. You have a choice to make. One choice leads to a chushy job, lots of pay, and a long life. The other leads to years in "the pokey" being pounded in the ass by convicted felons.
Skip: 0K, !'m 1!$73n!n9.
Bill: How'd you like to write viruses for Linux?
www.eFax.com are spammers
I wrote the MsBlaster and the entire SoBig series! I'll plead guilty! who will split the bounty fifty-fifty with me?
It's better to be the foot on the boot than the face on the pavement. ~~ tkx Kadin2048
They freeze the bastards in carbonite
End of Line.
"Cheap" is right, or an understatement.
Any decent reward these days should be at least [placing pinky to corner of mouth] one million dollars.
If Microsoft makes it commonplace to pay $250,000 for finding a virus writer, it will go broke soon. After all they only have $50 Billion in cash.
Looking for a job?
Want your resume written professionally?
DON'T USE TUNAREZ!!!
No, I'm New Here
ill just turn in the whole CS dept
Long live the Speaker Bracelet
Rolo D. Monkey
Nobody has yet indicated whether the award is good whether the virus writer is alive or dead.
A clearer statement is in order.