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'Matrix Revolutions' Opens Today
shelleymonster writes "The Matrix Revolutions was released worldwide at 9 AM EST today. With a running time of 2 hr. 9 min., I'm expecting the /. reviews to start pouring in around 11:30. Since critics are saying things like, "Matrix finale could put you back in a coma," and, "The final episode is a slam-bang, dreary mess," I'm curious to hear some real fans' reactions." Many readers have pointed to the BBC's review; they were not amused. Were you? Update: 11/05 17:17 GMT by T : Read on for one reader's (spoiler-free) first impression.
wickedweasel writes "Just came from one of the first showings of Matrix: Revolutions (Germany, don't know why, but it started 2:30 pm here) and came by to drop some comments (no spoilers). To cut it short: not even close to the first one, and honestly spoken way worse than the second one (which wasn't _that_ bad). The ones looking for cool action will hardly find any, neither will the ones who came for the story (like me) be satisfied. Only a few good scenes in and around Zion, some quite big plot holes and unfinished threads and, most important, an unsatisfying end, to say the least. I guess I'll be flamed for my opinion by the die-hard-fans, but hear this: I once considered myself one too until I saw this."
You can't just review it. You have to realize... there is no movie.
"The Wachowski brothers have delivered a dud so disappointing, they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion"
You forget, this is /. and waiting to see the movie before reviewing it would be like reading the article before commenting on it.
-cp-
President Bush to Liberate Alaska
Too bad I didn't think of this, but I thought it deserved to be here on Slashdot in case you don't read everything: You mean it doesn't end with Keanu Reeves waking up, turning to Alex Winter and saying "Bill, I just had a most excellent dream!"? Shame.
> and Trinity is really a man.
And his name is Chad.
The critics hated "Citizen Kane", "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Star Wars" at the time.
But the critics also hated "Gigli", "The Real Cancun" and "From Justin to Kelly".
Ita erat quando hic adveni.
with ted waking up,
"whoa, that was a most excellent dream"
*guitar solo*
all you are, is all you are, i'm so sorry for you.
He said it sucked. Kinda spoils it I recon.
You had what in what?
i don't like my old sig.
Agent Smith is Neos Father... enough said...
Thanks to the Wachowskis rather brilliant blending of pop culture, Campbell, Jung, Christianity, and Buddhism, they're movies that can resonate with people on so many different levels.
Which of these two definitions of "brilliant" did you mean:
2. (Print.) The smallest size of type used in England printing. [1913 Webster]
3. A kind of cotton goods, figured on the weaving. [1913 Webster]
Because I know you didn't mean the first definition for it.
Yeah, but what if Jar Jar won? Oh, the horror...
"Meesa hang up dissa phone now. Meesa show deesa people what youssa hide from dem. Where wese go from dere choice meesa giva you."
The final two installments of the Matrix remind me of poi. Poi, for those of you not familiar with it, is a pudding like concoction made in Hawaii (I believe from taro root) and served at luaus. While attending my first luau some years ago, I was urged to try the poi, despite it's lutefisk like reputation so that I could "impugn it with authority". And so, like so many other things which are inexplicably popular, I will be making a trip to the local cinema (for a matinee) so I can authoritatively tell everyone just how bad it was.
bance.net
Just got back from the 6:00am showing of the movie and I was pretty impressed.
You probably fell asleep 20 minutes into it and dreamed a better movie. It's the only explanation.
I just watched it, thank goodness for time difference and living in the far east. Ok, here are the spoilers.
1. Neo and Agent Smith beat the shit out of each other.
2. Neo and Trinity kiss. Many times.
3. Locke thinks Morpheus is a lunatic
4. The sentinels lay waste to Zion's defense.
5. Persephone was really cute.
6. The Oracle bakes more cookies
7. There is no spoon.
MUST NOT READ THREAD...
Must not...
<struggles with mouse>
Aw, crap!
Key to financial independence: Spend less than you earn. Save and invest the difference. Do it for a long time.
In the Matrix, all three of the Matrix movies would have rocked.
I saw it in Westwood (a trendy part of Los Angeles) and there was a video crew filming fan reactions outside the theater.
"Give us your opinion of the movie," they asked.
I replied, "How about this, I give you the finger, and you give me my $9.75 back."
I suspect I won't make the final edit for the commercial.
__ Someday, but not this morning, I'll finally learn to use the preview button.
Then again, revolution implies an attempt at change and then ending up back at the start. Think 'revolve'.
-- DrZaius - Minister of Sciences and Protector of the Faith
The only question Reloaded raised to me was "why the hell did I spend $7 on this crap." Once I see Revolutions, the answers sure to be clear. "Because it's a Matrix movie, you damn fool!"
Wise men say, "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
But that's Hollywood for you - you can't just make one great movie and leave it alone. You have to squeeze every dollar out of the franchise while you can!
:-(
I agree. Last time I was at a bookstore, I even noticed that Lord of the Rings, this masterpiece of an epic, is already out in book form.
Pathetic what lengths commercialization will go to these days. There's just no leaving good movies alone anymore.
And if there's one thing NO ONE wants to see, it's wrinkly old Palpatine nak...oh, wait - wrong franchise.
Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and DENNIS.
... is if Trinity or Persephone get NEKKID in this one?
"Obviously, I'm not an IBM computer any more than I'm an ashtray" (Bob Dylan)
If you really wanna read this whole thread, go ahead but, here it is in a nutshell.
1. 98% of the posts say, "The new flick isn't as good as the first one (no shit?, one asks).
2. You could say the readership of slashdot is split almost evenly as to whether or not it's better than the second.
3. Bunch of posts saying hollywood sux.
4. Will there be another Matrix movie and money making media releases?
5. Some asswipe who wasn't modded down to hell for saying Glendale CA rocks in response to a post by a user who says they saw the new flick in Glendale.
6. If you're reading this much Matrix material on slashdot, you should burn pictures of 'Trinity' under your mattress and take a shower.
7. If you're writing this list, jesus go away bitter old man thoughts...
8. A Star Wars / Matrix / Lord of the Rings is better flamewar/circlejerk.
9. Someone probably suggesting they do an edit to the Matrix trilogy removing Neo like they did with Jar-Jar Binks.
10. People bitching that they should do an apt-get/emerge/beowulf parallel compile on their freebsd based G5 cluster with --Matrix-Flags=disable-neo-fuck-scenes.
In Soviet Slashdot, sigs are posts and non-sigs are sigs.
Stop the Slashdot effect! Don't read the articles!
At least there was no dumb awkward talking creature saying things like
"Me wanna help protect Zion."
-
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, find / -name '*base*' |xargs chown -R us && mv zig greatjustice
"Personally, I was hoping that the matirx and the humans were ALL the creation of an advanced AI program at MIT"
Why just hope, when you can contribute?
To hell with that!
I, for one, welcome our naked, wrinkly, Palpatine overlord.
why,oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?!
Return of the Matrix -- The Sequel, Episode $$$
... Neo! Yousa da one!
... are a disease. And I -- we -- are the cure.
Scene I
Setting: In the swamps of Zion.
Morpheus: [ with much spit and slobber ]
B-b-b-b-b
Neo: [ questioningly ]
Dude?
Morpheus:
Yousa gonna teach Z-z-z-zion howza fight! B-b-b-b-b-b!
Neo: [ righteously ]
Dude.
Trinity:
Help us, Johnny Mnemonic! You're our only hope!
Neo: [ emphatically ]
Dude!
Scene II
Setting: In the Matrix world, which looks suspiciously like Rivendell placed on the Forest Moon of Endor.
Agent Smith:
Hobbits
Neo: [ puzzled ]
Dude?
[ Agent SMITH divides like an amoeba, but unsuccessfully. The second Agent MINI-SMITH is only 1/4 the size of the original. ]
Mini-Smith:
Ki-yii!
[ Uses martial arts to punch and kick NEO, along with the larger SMITH. ]
Neo: [ startled ]
Dudes!
[ Fighting ensues. At each punch at a SMITH, the SMITH divides into more MINI-SMITHS. The MINI-SMITHS mainly try to bite NEO's crotch. ]
Neo: [ pleading ]
Dudes!!??!!
[ All the population of ZION appears. Most of them look like Ewoks. Most of the Ewoks of ZION are wearing pink.]
Ewoks of Zion: [ caringly ]
Ooooo! They're so cute!!!
[ ZION swarms MINI-SMITHS ]
Mini-Smiths:
Nooooo!!
[ MINI-SMITHS run away; as they are beaten they are dividing into more MICRO-MINI-SMITHS on the way. ]
Neo: [ victoriously ]
Dudes!!!
SCENE III
Setting: A parade field in the landing bay of an Imperial Star Destroyer.
Trinity:
For bravery in the face of danger, and the best played game of 3D Tic-Tac-Toe Hogwarts has seen in many a year, I award you this diploma. No, wait, you get the medal.
[ TRINITY kisses NEO ]
Neo: [ lustily ]
Dudette!
Ewoks:
Awwww!
[ EWOKS break into joyous song of celebration. Roll credits. ]
SCENE IV
Setting: Theatre lobbies around the nation.
Audience: [ waving pitchforks and brandishing torches ]
We want our money back!
Wachowskis: [ laughing, on the way to bank ]
Ka-ching, suckers! Did you really think it would end any other way?
John