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Earth's Asteroid Risk Downgraded

Posted by simoniker on from the i-was-worried-for-a-while dept.

xanthines-R-yummy writes "Relax, everyone - the risk of a gigantic asteroid colliding with Earth just got smaller! Nature reports: "A new survey revises down the likelihood of a massive asteroid hitting the Earth by 20-30%. We're only due to collide with rocks larger than one kilometre across roughly once every 600,000 years, it concludes." Whew! What a relief!"

8 of 231 comments (clear)

  1. New Improved FP Version 32.0 by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Now with even more FP.

    Get your own.

  2. That's okay by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    It doesn't matter since the Sun is about to wipe out all human life on Earth, or at least sterilize us for a while.

  3. 3rd post! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    3rd post!

  4. It's official! Slashdot is popular! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    Popular trolling luminaries were stunned that their efforts to destroy Slashdot had not only failed but had succeeded in making Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda more popular than ever.

    "I've got a beautiful wife, a popular website, $20,000 in assests. What have those trollers got? NOTHING. They've spent all this time generating free entertainment for slashdot subscribers!" said Malda from his mansion on the river.

    Stephen King also welcomed the news. "Those trolls have been preaching my death for years! I always get a kick knowing they took the time to find out my right age!"

    Trolling lord and legend Trollaxor prophesised the doom of trolling. "The people today suck. Have we seen another classic 'BSD is dying' troll? No. We've seen a bunch of shit from a couple of no hoper crap flooders."

    VA's stock jumped 17 cents on the news of trollers declaring war on slashdot and a 150% increase in trolling over the next 18 months.

  5. Must be still in Beta by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    because YOU FAIL IT!

  6. THIS JUST IN by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

    YOU FAIL IT!

  7. Re: tsarkon reports oompa loompah yoda grease ! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic
    9 steps to greasing your anus for Yoda Doll Insertion!
    1. Defecate. preferably after eating senna, ex lax, prunes, cabbage and hot sauces.
    2. Wipe ass with witch hazel, soothes horrific burns.
    3. Prime anus with anal ease.
    4. Slather richly a considerable amount of vaseline or other anal lubricants into your rectum at least until the bend and also take your yoda doll or yoda soap on a rope and liberally apply it.
    5. Pucker your ballon knot several times actuating the sphincter muscle in order to work it in.
    6. Put a nigger do-rag on yoda's head so the ears don't stick out like daggers!
    7. Make sure to have a mechanism by which to fish yoda out of your rectum, the soap on the rope is especially useful because that is built in.
    8. Slowly rest yourself onto your yoda figurine.
    9. Gyrate gleefully in your computer chair while your fat sexless geek nerd loser fat shit self enjoys the prostate massage you'll be getting. Think about snoodling with the Sarlaac pit. Read Slashdot. Masturbate to anime. Email one of the editors hoping they will honor you with a reply. Join several more dating services - this time, you dont check the (desired - speaks english) and (desired - literate). You figure you might get a chance then. Order some fucking crap from Think Geek. Get Linux to boot on a Black And Decker Appliance. Wish you could afford a new computer. Argue that IDE is better than SCSI because you cant afford SCSI. Make claims about how Linux rules. Compile a kernel on your 486SX. Claim to hate windows but use it for Everquest. Admire Ghyslain's courage in making that wonderful star wars movie. Officially convert to the Jedi religion. Talk about how cool Mega Tokyo is. Try and make sure you do your regular 50 story submissions to Slashdot, all of which get rejected because people who arent fatter than CowboyNeal can't submit. Fondle shrimpy penis while making a yoda voice and saying, feel the force, padawan, feeel the foooorce, hurgm. Yes. Yes. When 900 years you reach, a dick half as big you will not have.

    All in a days work with a yoda figurine rammed up your ass.

    I HAVE A GREASED UP YODA DOLL SHOVED UP MY ASS!

    y______________________________YODA_ANUS
    o_________________.'_:__`.________________y
    d____________.-.'`.__;___.'`.-.___________o
    a___________/_:____\_;__/____;_\__________d
    s_,'__""--.:__;".-.";:_:".-.":__;.--""__`,a
    e_:'_`.t""--.._'/@.`;___',@\`_..--""j.'_`;s
    x______`:-.._J_'-.-'L___`--_'_L_..-;'_____e
    ________"-.___;__.-"__"-.__:___.-"________x
    y____________L_'_/.------.\_'_J___________y
    o_____________"-.___"--"___.-"____________o
    d______________.l"-:_TR_;-";._____________d
    a_________.-j/'.;__;""""__/_.'\"-.________a
    s_______v.'_/:`._"-.:_____.-"_.';__`.v____s
    e____.-"__/_;__"-._"-..-"_.-"__:____"-.___e
    x_.+"-.__:_:______"-.__.-"______;-.____\__x
    _v;_\__`.;_;____________________:_:_"+._;_
    y_:__;___;_;____________________:_;__:_\:_y
    o_;__:___;_:____________________;:___;__:_o
    d:_\__;__:__;__________________:_;__/__::_d

    I pledge Allegiance to the Doll
    of the Greased Up States of Yodarica
    and to the Republic for which it shoves,
    one nation under Yoda, rectal intrusion,
    with anal lube and ass grease for all.

    Because of Yoda's attitude, I usually don't respond to his perversions, but this time I'll make an exception. For starters, the nicest thing that can be said about Yoda's lackeys is that they are goofy insurrectionists out to demonstrate an outright hostility to law enforcement. Already, some piteous Neanderthals have begun to fund a vast web of uncontrollable vagabonds, combative slackers, and naive malodorous-types, and with terrifying and tragic results. What t

  8. A test.-Lion by Anonymous Coward · · Score: -1, Offtopic

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