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Whistle While You Work
kukickface writes "Have you ever watched Star Wars and been amazed that Human beings could understand what R2D2 is saying? An ancient yet almost dead language called Silbo Gomero seems to be reality's closest equivalent. Could this type of language be used in the future to ease natural language processing pains?"
GO WINDOWS!
wait for 20 seconds
While we at BASH are yet unable to cure niggerism (or any other such God-inflicted curse of skin pigmentation), we have had record success turning limp-wristed, "Queer Eye" watching nancy-boys and bull-dyke lesbians back in to straight, God-fearing, Republican-voting human beings!
All we need is your pious financial support, plenty of imprecatory prayer and a good-sized, Leviticus-charged stone or two, and soon the GNAA will be a thing of the past!
To join, go here and read all about how you can start saving gay Negroes from Satan's clutches!
This post was brought to you by a Landover Baptist Church Member.
If you or anyone you know exhibits these signs they may be a homosexual and at risk of joining Satan's Army, or the GNAA.
Have you ever watched Star Wars and been amazed that Human beings could understand what R2D2 is saying?
No. Because Star Wars is a cheesy science fiction B-movie.
06:00
Alarm goes off, Michael slaps the sleep button.
10:00
Michael finally wakes up and starts making breakfast: 16 Reese's peanut butter cups, 1 gal. 2% milk, "Big Grab" Fritos, four cold hot dogs, and coffee.
10:45
Time for email! Michael opens Outlook Express 6 (*gasp* Michael uses Windows!? Yes, the truth hurts, folks.) 30 emails from known trolls bitching about moderation bugs and abuses, 20 additional emails from trolls incognito regarding Slashdot censhorship, and 5 emails from legitimate Slashdot readers regarding bug fixes and code patches.
11:15
Lunchtime! Michael has a triple-decker balogna sandwich and Nacho Cheesier! Doritos. Washes it down with Nestle Quik! Strawberry milk. Finishes it off with a healthy swig of Pepto-Bismol and a few Tums.
11:45
Michael opens Emacs and starts coding in Perl: SLASH has a lot of bugs to fix, thanks to Taco. Michael silently curses Taco under his breath. Feels underappreciated, overworked, underpaid-- oh wait, Open Source software unemploys programmers. Michael wants to bitch but knows he can't.
11:47
Quits Emacs, opens Pico. Can't handle that "complex shit" anymore.
12:10
Calls ex-girlfriend, cries into phone for 10 minutes before realizing she'd hung up on him seven minutes ago. Questions his manhood. His manhood does not respond. Sad little knob, it's gone neglected for years.
12:30
Shower time! Heads down to the local truckstop, grabs a ticket for a restroom, and hopes the door locks. In the middle of his shower he is accosted by the janitor (again). He supposes the door didn't lock. Screams go unheard and the janitor walks away satisfied. Michael cries in the corner of the shower stall for a a while before running home, still crying.
13:00
Back in front of his Pentium II system running Linux, Michael masturbates while thinking of being raped by the truckstop's janitor in the shower. Though terrified at the time, Michael feels exhilerated by it in general. Michael fingers his asshole to bring himself to orgasm.
13:01
Conference call with Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda, ESR, and Michael. How do we silence the trolls? Michael suggests deleting comments and accounts regularly. ESR and Taco, however, know this would be bad for business-- they own stock in the company! Michael is frustrated and hangs up on the call.
13:30
Time for more food. Even though Michael eats enough for three geeks, he has a rare disorder that increases his metabolism. Michael is 6'2" but only weighs 120lbs. Michael is eating pickles, celery wih peanut butter, cold baked sweet potatoes, and dog food. Michael is too hungry not to eat whatever is in sight.
14:00
Returning to Pico, Michael begins working on tweaks to the moderation system, purposefully coding "features" so the likes of Mighty-Troll, Trollaxor, and the Turd Report will be silenced for being funny and creative. Michael can almost see their emails, bitching about being banned.
15:45
Michael begins getting itchy. The rash is coming back, so Michael strips out of his clothes and sits naked. Nearby plants in his condo wilt and die, milk curdles, and Linux begins core-dumping. Michael is ashamed. He cries as Linux reboots and wishes the rash would leave his pale, skinny, feminine body.
16:30
Michael declares "quittin' time" now as he's had a very stressful day. He needs some time alone so he works on the holocaust project. Thousands of Jews laugh at him for having naively fallen for the greatest lie in all of history.
17:45
Michael gets the mail. New Playgirl. Next few hours blown.
21:00
Raw, chafed, and sore, Michael passes out on the couch naked after a marathon session with the new Playgirl.
23:50
In a zombie-like trance, Michael stumbles off to bed and falls back asleep, preparing to do it all again tomorrow.
this whole situation could be neatly summed up with a word starting with P, although I can't remember what it is even if it'd save my life.
If I insert a vibrator into a Fleshlight, will the resulting contraption EXPLODE ?!!!
I have a young nephew whose vocal chords don't work,and it doesn't look like he'll ever be able to talk normally
Get his parents to put him in a sideshow so they can make money off of an otherwise useless waste of skin.
Michael Sims, Domain Hijacking and Moral Equivalency by Jonathan Wallace jw@bway.net
How would you feel if your webmaster maliciously took your web-site offline, then, when you demanded its return, put up a site attacking your company at your old URL? It happened to a group I was involved in, the Censorware Project, currently at http://www.censorware.net. The purpose of this essay is to put the behavior on record, and to give you some impressions and inferences about it.
The Censorware Project was originally an informal collective of six people who collaborated online to fight censorware: Seth Finkelstein, Bennett Haselton, Jamie McCarthy, Mike Sims, Jim Tyre and myself. Several of us had never met or even spoken on the phone, yet for some time -- around two years as I recall -- we had a remarkably easy collaboration. There was no funding, no hierarchy, no titles, not even project managers. Someone would suggest a project and take the responsibility for a part of it, others would sign up for other elements, and proceeding this way we got a remarkable amount of work done, including reports on X-Stop, Cyberpatrol, Bess and other censorware products.
Even though two of us were attorneys -- Jim and myself -- we never incorporated the group or wrote a charter or any contracts among ourselves. Mike Sims was obliging enough to register the domain, just as other members paid for press releases and the other incidental expenses which came along. Mike also served as webmaster of the censorware.org site and did substantial work for the group, including writing contributions to several of the reports and lead authorship of at least one. Seth was the source of our decrypted censorware blacklists and managed many technical tasks, but later felt he had to leave the group because of the increasing prospects of a lawsuit, particularly under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA). After Seth left the group, the remaining five continued.
Robert Frost said that "nothing gold can stay," and the Censorware Project was no exception. Over the summer of 2000, Mike Sims' reaction to a perceived slight from Jim Tyre was to take the site down for a week. He sent us mail at the time saying something like "The Censorware Project is now closed." I replied to him that, given that the group was a collective and we all had an interest in its work product, the domain, and the goodwill it had achieved, the decision was not his to make. Sims did not reply.
After Seth created a partial, text, mirror, Mike put the site back up a week later without explaining, let alone apologizing for, his actions. Given his continuing failure to answer any email from me (and I think from others) and the overall signs that Sims thought the group was exclusively his, I wrote him several emails requesting that he turn the domain over to Jamie or Bennett, as I felt we could no longer trust him to administer it. We also found out during that time that important email from people trying to contact us, including members of the press, was not being answered by Sims, nor being forwarded to other members.
I ultimately became exasperated that my name was listed as a principal on what had now become a "rogue" site I had no control over. Over about a five week period, I wrote Sims several more emails asking him to del
In a perfect world, your nephew would have been euthanized at birth and the parents would have been sterilized (or perhaps killed.)
The nexus of federal feebleness resides in, none other than, the The White House: Home of the Commander-In-Thief
Very patriotically yours,
Kilgore
________________
G. W. Bush will not run for President in 2004. He'll let the Democrats take the heat on the budget deficit, the war on everything, and, last but not least, INFLATION.
so quit whistling and get to work