Mafia Tech Support

Mzilikazi writes "A story from Wired about performing tech support for the mob, mainly focusing on gambling. Some interesting information is presented about P2P applications. Frankly it sounds like fiction to me (you can already imagine the movie being made -- 'I Was a Hacker for The Mob'), but the story is interesting nonetheless and shows that if you're skilled and determined but have a flexible moral compass, there's a lot of job opportunities out there." I started reading it for the mob references, but kept on reading for the details of how to run an illegal gambling organization.

Comments

Average geek

[chill]

You'd figure the average geek would make one too many Simpson's reference about "Fat Tony" and get his ass whacked before he could do anything useful.

Re:Average geek

[blair1q]

True story:

Me and my ex are driving home from Disneyland and decide to spend a couple of days in Palm Springs, because it's the off-season and there's hardly anyone there.

So we go out the first night to a small Italian place near the hotel.

And besides us, there's the "maitre-d", who's just this guy in a polo shirt, and these three guys in the corner.

One is a runty little guy I hardly remember; one is a taller guy with a salt and pepper pompadour and a palooka's nose; and the third is this big, fat guy in golf clothes named Tony. You got it. Fat Tony.

Palm Springs, in case nobody's mentioned, is a rather famous place for mob guys to vacation, lay low, or get sent to stay the fuck out of the way of the real operators. These guys were no tourists on their way home from Disneyland (that was us, remember).

Anyway, Fat Tony is obviously the more connected of the Off-season Goodfellas, and is holding court for his two hangers-on. We eavesdropped; like we could have avoided it. Seriously, this place had like 8 tables. Tony's telling them all sorts of things about life, The Life, and why drinking a bottle of beer half a glass at a time is the best way to do it. Obviously.

Meanwhile, the maitre-d is answering the phone, doing the usual restaurant stuff, about five feet from me. And one of these calls he says to the handset, "You know what you do. You go to the [generic national chain bar] and talk to [some guy]. Tell him you're looking for Wanda. Wicked Wanda. Aright? Cool."

I almost spit fettuccini alfredo through my nose.

Between that, and Fat Tony's rather disoriented views on life, I don't think we could have been more entertained.

Until the next night, at the seafood restaurant, when this was overheard coming from the next table, having been spoke by a tall, stunning, well-stacked, supremely Italian woman in a red gingham dress (look it up; don't drink anything while looking it up) to an Alec Baldwin lookalike, in the most thoroughing Brooklyn accent since Leo Gorcey:

"DID YOU FUCK HER?"

I tell you, if I hadn't been a competitive athlete, with superior respiratory training, there would have been cioppino and linguine all over the aisle.

But do they have jackets?

[Llywelyn]

But do they walk around in jackets with MAFIA written on their back in neon-green electropigment?

"Mafia, you've got a friend in the family."

Re:But do they have jackets?

[Ieshan]

No, these days, the organized crime goes around with "FBI" written on their back in neon-green electropigment, and they specialize in Voter Fraud instead of Alcohol Provision.

Other possible mob ventures

[Alien54]

Well. They may be useful in dealing with spam, as seen in this classic item posted on now [sadly] defunct Segfault back in april 99:

Mafia Don Announces New Anti-Spam Venture

As the NSA and FBI fear, traditional crime organizations have been incorporating high-tech communication into their organizations. Although Janet Reno was quoted stating "This is law enforcement's worst nightmare.", techies around the world are sure to be pleased with one New York Syndicate's new venture.

It all started when Don Dominiqi signed onto his AOL account last Monday morning. His inbox was filled with "Make Money Fast", "Viagra On-Line", and "Teenybopper Web Sex" ads. Lost amidst the drivel was an important note detailing a non-taxed shipment of Marlboros, which were later confiscated by the BATF. Little did he know, as he shouted "Bring me the left hand of this f*cking gutterslime!" what would become of it all.

Later that same day, Billy "Run!" Brutekowski and Larry "My Eyes!" Plucker cornered the pasty-faced offender of the Family in a small cyber cafe in Greenwich Village. "This was by far the creepiest place the Boss has ever sent us." stated Billy, who only spoke on condition of anonymity. "Everyone in this place looked pale and sickly, like they had already been 'spoken to'. We asked for this punk, and several people quickly pointed him out. Most of the scum we find in gin joints aren't so quick to finger one of their own," Billy continued.

"He must not watch much TV, because this sh*t didn't even flinch when we came to the corner he was hiding in," Larry proceeded to relate. "We dropped this sheet of paper the Boss had given us on his table and he says 'So you guys want to make money fast, eh?' He puts out his and says to give him $20. This scrawny little dirtball tells me to give him $20!" Larry was quite agitated at this part in his story, and his description of how Sammy Spammer's hand fell off was quite garbled.

Billy continued, "Up till now, this was a routine visit. We was just being playful. The weird sh*t began when we tried to leave." "This pimply faced kid blocks the door as we try to leave, and I'm thinking to myself 'Great, a f*cking Karate Kid hero. He just stand there, and then he hands me a $5 bill." Billy pulls out the $5, and holds it like it is his first quarter from his favorite grandmother. "They lined up after that, and we had $175 in 'tips' when we left the joint."

Later that day the Don himself visited the caf, unwilling to believe the story. Although the details are unclear, sources at the caf indicate that the Don has hired them to build and host a new Anti-Spam site. Through a SSL transaction system, the site will accept spam complaints and credit card donations towards 'solutions to problems'. Multiple complaints against the same spammer are added to the total until an acceptable solution has been found.

Larry tells us that a typical $250 solution is a broken hand, and for $2000 all anyone ever sees again of 'the problem' are his shoes.

The URL is to be announced next week, and the cyber caf's phones have been jammed with requests for more information.

Reminds me of a fortune cookie

[dido]

From one of the BSD Games fortune cookies:

A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist. He explained that he was entering a horse in a race the following week and the three assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win. They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they each propose to ensure a win. When they reconvened the gangster started with the engineer:

Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?

Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide electrical shock to the horse.

G: That's very good! But let's hear from the chemist.

Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore cannot be detected in post-race tests.

G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before I decide what to do. Physicist?

Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...

I wonder what a computer scientist would be up to? ;)

Re:Reminds me of a fortune cookie

[julesh]

I always preferred this one:

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician all live in a shared house. One night, a fire breaks out in each of their rooms. [Don't ask me how!]

The engineer wakes up and realises that there is a fire in his room. He grabs a fire extinguisher and puts it out, then goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up and also reralises that there is a fire in his room. He grabs a notepad, works out the best way of approaching the fire, and with that knowledge picks up his fire exinguisher and puts it out. Then he goes back to bed.

The mathematician wakes up, and he too notices the fire in his room. He grabs a notepad, and works out how to put the fire out. Then, satisfied that there is a solution, he goes back to bed. :-)

Look on the bright side

[WIAKywbfatw]

It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase googlewhack.

Re:Ouch Codefella!

[Trejkaz]

I'd rather make $150k and keep it in my shoebox.

Good luck finding a company that will pay directly into a shoebox...

Re:imagine the movie?

[pergamon]

Don't kid yourself -- it's not that organized.

The Record Connection

[SheldonYoung]

CICILY, NEW WORK - A press release from the Recording Industry Artists of America indicates they have merged with the Mafia in a move to focus entirely on their core business, strong arm tactics and racketteering.

Well known inside man Simson Garfinkel wasn't availble for at the time of the interview. It is believe he is on vacation fishing with the swimmers in the East River. However, his musical partner Paul Art was available and made the comment "... with everybody downloading our music our careers were starting to suck even more, we needed protection. I mean, we couldn't have grandmothers downloading our music off KaZoom Light Extreme so contacting The Mob was the obvious choice. Plus now we have the inside track on our new musical winning a Fat Tony.".

In a related story it was revealted today the Mafia has connections to news site Slashdot and network provider Akamai. By threatening to submitting to story to Slashdot containing the phrases "Linus, hot grits, Natalie Portman, and homemade p0rn" with a link to the company website victims had little choice but to subscribe to Akamai services. It is rumoured the RIAA is attempting to partner with the mob to use this technique to boost diminishing traffic to the N' Sync web site.

Illegal-gambling-admin HOWTO?

[upside]

"I started reading it for the mob references, but kept on reading for the details of how to run an illegal gambling organization."

The submitter and mr. Columbine could join forces and see if tldp.org would accept an Illegal-gambling-admin HOWTO seeing there already is a Linux consultancy HOWTO and similar bits.

Re:Ouch Codefella!

[I8TheWorm]

Strange world, but I found a $75/hr gig for a friend in Boston on JobSearchEngine. The punch line is it was for writing VB. Where's fair in this world?

Re:Ouch Codefella!

[arcanumas]

Good luck finding a company that will pay directly into a shoebox...

Ha! I got you! That fellow from Nigeria , whose name i cannot reveal because it's confidential, said in his email that he could pay in a shoebox.