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Could Google Be SCO's Next Big Target?
An anonymous reader writes "Well, Darl and co. may have decided which company to sue next: Google. Sources say Google will be sued for not paying their Linux taxes. The story quotes 'Industry wags are saying that God invented SCO to give people a company to hate more than Microsoft.'" This is all speculation until such a suit is filed, though.
and Google could just "accidentally" link all SCO investor sites to certain websites specializing in goat mating signals.
There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from the bread factory.
*moderates +5 aluminium hat*
The scene: a smoky downtown office lit by one bare lightbulb. Mr D is sitting at his desk, studying his computer screen.
... silence
"Damn", he says, and picks up the phone. "Get your ass in here!", he shouts, and puts the receiver down again.
A sweaty figure stumbles into the room, sneezes, and puts his coke tin and bottle of JDs on the table. "Whazzup, boss?"
"Our stock fell by two points. We need to sue someone. Who's left?"
"Uh, I think we sued them all, boss. Uh, wait, how about Microsoft?"
"MORON!! They're the nice gentlemen we met this morning!"
"Sorry, boss, it's the coke, it's making me forget shit."
"Look, we need a name, and we need it fast."
"Boss, why not try Google?"
"BRILLIANT!!! WE'LL SUE GOOGLE!!!"
"Uh, I meant just try the search... oh, shit."
"Get on the line to our hacks. This is going to be so big. We can ask for $699 per search result. Per web page. Per pagerank. Whatever, so long as we get into twelve figures."
"OK, Boss, you're the boss..." (picks up JD, stumbles out)
sniff... sniff... SNEEZE!
Ceci n'est pas une signature
Let'em try it. Google has the power to 'erase' all memory of SCO from the internet...
An imagined future google session:
enter 'SCO', hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button...
1. Southern College of Optometry (SCO)
2. Small Corporate Operation (SCO)
3. SCOffer's anonymous
4. Small Company the Offed itself (SCO)
5. Stupid Company Operation (SCO)
6. Some Company or Other (SCO)
Google: Well thanks, but we're not interested.
Balmer: Think about it, there will be consequences!
Google: Thought about it
Balmer (to SCO): Darl ... Yes Yes Yes ..... fade
Darl (bowing): Yes Master
Balmer: You know what to do, dont you?
Darl (salivating): Yes Master
All you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be
Google Employee 1: Hey Tom, did you move my coffee cup?
Google Employee 2: Geeze Mike... I didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition...
Darl McBride, David Boies, and Chris Sontag burst through the door
Grand Inquisitor McBride: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Give it a year or so, the SCO debacle will be over, and people will be back to having MS on the top of their hate lists.
No doubt. SCO is like the Brittany Spears of music - comes out of Goddamn nowhere, blows up bigger than life itself, and then fades into oblivion almost as quickly. All that's left in the end is a smoking crater of fake tits.
MS, on the other hand, has real skill. They're like Michael Bolton - who will outlast every one of us!
Hmmm. You know, I never thought of it before, but as tin foil has been replaced in the market by aluminum foil, there does seem to be a lot more people wandering around under the influence of Alien Mind Control rays.
Trouble making decisions? Just flip for it.