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DVD Forum Approves HD-DVD Standard
An anonymous reader writes "Toshiba Corp. and NEC Corp. said Friday that the DVD Forum, an international association of electronics makers and movie studios, has approved the two Japanese companies' standard for next-generation DVDs. It has
always annoyed me that DVDs are not the same top resolutions as High Definition TV. Maybe this will fix it." Well, better get to work rebuying your entire video collection, again.
I got these tips from a friend of mine during our weekly LUG meeting. As a public service to the Slashdot community I am now posting these techniques to share with all of you - that is the open source spirit, after all. I found these tips totally tantilizing and I hope you will too. Who ever knew you could have so much fun while waiting for Gentoo to compile!
Melon baller
Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much. Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil. If you've done it right you'll get a heap of suction when you fuck it. This method comes as close to the feeling of a real pussy or anus as you're ever likely to get! You'll start to get a hard-on whenever you walk past a fruit shop!
A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!
Cucumber sleeve
Take a large cucumber and cut both ends off. Using a butter knife or spoon, remove all of the seeds and a little of the cucumber meat so you have a nice 'sleeve'. Adjust to fit the circumference of your penis. Heat the cucumber in the microwave for about 1 to 1.5 minutes. Touch the inside to make sure it's not too hot, it's easy to burn yourself.
Just stick your dick in and start pumping. Spin it around, pump up and down. The cucumber will stay warm for a loong time. It is a little messy though. This is the closest thing to real pussy I have ever felt. In fact, since it's really tight and wet, it feels better than some pussies I've had!
Feel glad
Take a plastic bag, (a little one but big enough to fit all of your cock into.) Get on your knees in front of a bed or couch, and put your cock in the bag, and stick it in between, the crack, of the bed or couch. Push down on top of the bed or couch and fuck the couch, a little lotion or something along those lines works well.
Water safety
Go get a pair of "water-wings" that little kids wear around their arms in the pool to help them float and swim. Blow one of them up as much as you can. (The more air, the tighter the feel.) Take some Vaseline and coat the inside and your cock. Place the "device" between the couch cushions and insert your cock and pump away.
"The Stranger"
Sit on your hand for like 30 minutes until your hand goes numb, then jerk off like a madman. This gives you the feeling that a stranger is doing it for you. You can also put your hand in cold water until it goes numb.
Soothes and conditions while you wank
First find a large aloe vera plant (the leaves need to be at least 4 inches across at the base). Cut a leaf off at the widest part of the base possible. Let it wilt a little so it is soft and flexible. Cut the spikes off (cut just the spikes, not all the skin along the edge). Warm the leaf slightly in the microwave. Cut a slit in the wide end of base (or cut some of the flesh out). Test the inside with your fingers to make sure it's not too hot. Then have at it -- no lube needed.
At best, Michael's "rebuying" comment is a trollish comment that deserves to be modded (-1) more than this comment (posted anonymously to avoid Michael's propensity to abuse his editor status and mod bomb / bitch slap my low UID account).
At worst, it smacks of a Luddite mentality that should not be present on, of all places, Slashdot. I find that Michael's presence seriously undermines the more important Slashdot iamge and name branding. Such juvenile and angtsy comments as he posts are an affront to the technical community.
not very funny, are you? you'll always be inferior to trollaxor.
Heh... I wish I'd saved a mod point for this. :-)
STFU FAG.
Trollaxor and Michael Sims are the same person. Oh, wait, you're a retard and wouldn't know that.
Fuck off and die.
We demand LARGER GRAIN!
MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS!
----
As an aside, this post had to be reedited multiple times because of this lovely new 'feature' that someone thought would be a good idea here on the ol' site:
"Lameness filter encountered. Post aborted! Reason: Don't use so many caps. It's like YELLING."
Who's lame, now? *stabs site*
BytesTemplar.com
There should be a combo mod category for funny and insightful.