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Spam Bits
Let's mush a few things together into a nice pink rectangular solid: ipandithurts writes "The FTC Chair Timothy Muris doubts the ability of the "CAN SPAM" law to stop SPAM." ElementCDN writes "The Ottawa Citizen has a story on Bernard Balan the King of Spam. Bernard has closed up shop and moved to cottage country near Huntsville, Ontario." CactusMan writes "CTV (among others) is reporting that a Ontario trio has been named in a suit filed by Yahoo under the new CAN-SPAM legislation. Yahoo is claiming that the father and two sons were 'responsible for sending millions of unsolicited messages to users of the company's e-mail service.'" ilsa writes "According to this AP article, as much as 19% of e-mail sent by commercial entities never reaches its destination. 'Promotions and greeting cards were the types of messages most likely to disappear, the study found.' Although this study may have been intended to be alarming, forgive me for thinking this may not be a bad thing." Reader chrisbtoo responds to an earlier spam story: "In today's story about Spam solutions, monstroyer challenged people to crack the Spam Interceptor Captcha. Turns out it was pretty easy." Finally, we can't fail to mention an attempt at making the world's largest spam musubi.
...to pay your $699 licensing fee you cock-smoking teabaggers.
Yeah, it really sucks when you're filling up the tank at one of those credit card gas machines at midnight and the bugs are swarming the bright lights of the gas station. And you.
In other news, I am Nostradamus, and I have a prediction for the future: this post will be modded to -1.
Uh?
in ratio Of 5 to The rain..we can be on baby...don't And financial
You will NEVER stop SPAM in all it's spicey hammed goodness!!!!
muhahahahahahahaha muhahahahahahahah
"What the hell is an aluminum falcon?"
...spaaam biiiits.
Jesus. Not just a name dropper (news.admin.net-abuse.email and some IRC channesl) but one with no life as well.
"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!" - Glen Beck
To Whom It May Concern (other than myself):
Hi. I have been a huge fan of cereals of all kinds for my whole life. Sometimes I eat it for all three meals of the day, or live on it exclusively for weeks, or put it in my underpants to keep me feeling fresh (and also as an emergency back-up snack). I cereasly love it.
I am especially fond of a lot of your cereals like Boo Berry and Trix and Chex and Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp. My absolute favorite is Fruity Pebbles though, which I believe is a Post cereal. Maybe you guys should make something that tastes like Fruity Pebbles except manages not to have Fred Flintstone's ugly mug all over the box. Yabba Dabba Eww. Anyway, my point is that I like a lot of your cereals and so I am personally concerned with their condition. And, quite frankly, lately I've been a bit worried.
Let's start with my favorite cereal of yours - Boo Berry. I love Boo Berry... at least I think I do... actually, I know it used to be my favorite cereal but I haven't had any in years so I've kind of forgotten what it tastes like - because it's not in any stores! No stores in my area carry it. I checked on your website and apparently you still make it; you even offer it for sale. Unfortunately I can't justify buying it for the $6.74 for a twelve ounce box price. You do offer buying it in a case instead of a four pack, which would drop the price to $4.71 a box, but that is still unreasonable and would also require me to spend an entire week's pay on a large shipment of haunted cereal. My girlfriend would kill me (if I didn't overdose on blue food coloring first).
I think I have a solution to this dilemma. I know you can't force any businesses to carry your cereals and I know that you can't afford to sell them direct for less than $4.71 and still have money left over to pay for upkeep on Count Chocula's castle, hiring someone to build 400 mind-numbing advertisements disguised as crappy kids games for youruleschool.com, and keep your CEOs rolling in golden Kix. So here's what you should do - open up your own stores all across the country. You've already got one in Mall-of-America, now put one in every mall in America. Even if you don't sell much cereal (and you'd sell a lot, trust me) it would be great advertising. You can sell t-shirts with nifty slogans like "Frosted Wheaties: When You're Too Damn Lazy To Put Sugar On Your Own Wheaties!" or "Honey Nut Chex: It Rhymes With 'Funny Butt Sex' For A Reason!" and other stuff which is even more great advertising plus it makes money up front. I can see it now, picture a young child in the mall with its mother...
YOUNG CHILD: Mommy! Mommy! Look at all the pretty colored cereal!
MOTHER: Oh Honey, you know cereals like that are just a result of the global dentist/cereal/porn conspiracy, we've been through this a million times...
YOUNG CHILD: Awww...
MAN IN TRIX RABBIT SUIT comes out of the store.
MAN IN TRIX RABBIT SUIT: You know Ms. Averagemother, all of our cereals are fortified with titanium plating and deflector shi... er, essential vitamins and minerals; and they are a part of this complete breakfast.
MAN IN TRIX RABBIT SUIT whips out a complete breakfast on a tray.
MOTHER: Well... I guess a few minutes couldn't hurt...
YOUNG CHILD: Gee, thanks mom!
YOUNG CHILD runs in followed slowly by MOTHER. Group of scantily clad dentists appears and drags MOTHER into back room. YOUNG CHILD transforms into a cartoon and spends eternity trying to steal Lucky's Charms and torturing the Trix Rabbit by hogging the cereal.
Now, on to my next suggestion. You need to do something about Cheerios. Really, they're awful. Yes they are good for my heart, but this is overshadowed by the fact that they taste like my butt.
On the other hand, a cereal that already tastes great is Lu
I sent this to their webmaster:
m spx
I find it somewhat humorous that on this page:
http://www.microsoft.com/seminar/events/security.
the photo you use is that of a Macintosh PowerBook G4 15" (with the Apple logo on the back of the screen Photoshop-ed out), on a page about security summits and programs. While I don't want to get into a pissing contest about which OS is more secure, it's mildly humorous to find a Mac being used to advertise Microsoft's security, even if it is subtle.
Respectfully,
Andy Ringsmuth
I'll try and keep an eye on it and see if they decide to change the photo.....
In the late 1970's Microsoft licensed UNIX source code from AT&T which at the time was not licensing the name UNIX. Therefore Microsoft created the name Xenix. Microsoft did not sell Xenix to end-users but instead licensed the software to software OEMs such as Intel, Tandy, Altos and SCO who then provided a finished version of their own Xenix to the end-users or other customers. SCO introduced its first version of Xenix named SCO Xenix System V for the Intel 8086 and 8088 in 1983. Today SCO Xenix is one of the more commonly used and found versions of Xenix.
Linux was based on Minix. A UnixLite OS designed to run on PCs. However, it was really only a teaching tool. Andrew Tanenbaum repeatedly refused to add the new (legitimate) features the users and even developers asked for. Linus Torvalds set out simply to add functionality to his own version of Minix (the copyright allows use to do so for your own personal use, but you cannot sell or distibute it).
Over time, in adding functionality to Minix, Linus Torvalds found that he had created an entirely new kernel. I was very similar to Minix but used none of the Minix source code. Torvalds had originally called it freax, for "`free' + `freak' + the obligatory `-x'. The operator of the FTP server where Linus' new kernel made its debut didn't like the name and simply called it Linux (Linus + Unix). People seemed to like the name so it stuck.
1. You don't Know any better
If you're ACTUALLY reading this page, looking to be informed as to why you "need" to switch to a Macintosh, chances are you don't know a damn thing about anything - especially computers. That's why you need a Mac, because you just don't know any better! You don't know how to make your PC run, so it's easy and comforting to accept the "fact" that all your problems are Windows related. Heaven forbid you think for two seconds that all of your encounters with BSOD's/viruses/cluttered HD's/etc be the product of OPERATOR ERROR! My dear lord, it can't be!
2. It matches your curtains!
You don't have time to sit and worry about whether or not you're getting screwed, paying more for less power and performance... and why WOULD you worry about something like that? The fact is, you wouldn't, and you won't have too: you'll be too busy mulling over which color iMac will best offset your periwinkle comforter - it's Feng-Shui the Apple way!
3. Switch, or we will rape you with an iPOD!
No, seriously... we'll do it. We've done it many times before, that's how some of us at Apple got to ride the Segway early. You should've SEEN Kaman's surprise. P.S. You will NOT like the fire-wire-reach-around either!
4. Firewire means "Faster Gay Porn!"
If you're the kind of computer user that worries about the feds raiding your shit-hole apartment every time you drop off a roll of film at 'The Wal-Mart', then you NEED a Mac. Stop spending time in a sweaty state of paranoia, and start spending it organizing those compromising photos you took during that "work-related" trip to the bathouse. With iPhoto, all your twelve-year-old-gay-plastic-prop-tentacle-rape porn will be easier to organize than your scant black book!
5. Never worry about "other programs" again.
With PC's, users tend to find themselves overwhelmed and inundated by all the "choices" they have. Which program is 'best' for burning CD's? Which program has the 'features' I want or need when it comes to playing movies/mp3's/my photos? You need not worry your pretty little soul thanks to Apple, as a Mac user, you've got the following programs at your fingertips: iTunes, iDVD, iMovie, and iPhoto! Should you want to, say, use a different program for any of the functions, simply utter the following to yourself in reassurance: i-Fucked...
6. Sits on your lap for a couple grand.
It's like a high-class lap dance. For about the same price, your Mac will provide you with more warmth, entertainment, and interactivity than that RealDoll you purchased a while back. Now, instead of sitting in your parents' basement using their PC, you can be using your iBook... in your parents' basement...
7. See all those pretty icons over there?
It's true; all of those icons represent some of the premiere Internet applications. From web browsing, to instant messaging, some of the finest software available on the 'ol WWW even have Mac Versions! Sure they may run a little slower and require gobs of ram if you want to have, say, more than one open at any given time; but they're AQUA THEMED!
8. Office is Office, and then some
You can run Microsoft Office on your Mac. How about that? Leave your current office suite behind... for, umm... OUR Office suite! Yeah, that's the ticket! Beyond Office, you'll find you can run more than 3,000 applications designed specifically for Apple's new operating system, Mac OS X. You can do anything you'd dream of doing on the Mac -- from CAD to databases to finance. Unless of course you want to, oh, I don't know... play a fun game? Or, load a flash website in under an hour... or, put something on a goddamned floppy without a USB device... oh, sorry, tangent police! *cue sirens*
9. Works effortlessly with PCs
Compatibility is important, no doubt, and Apple has not allowed our own foolish pride to overlook certain standards because of this. That's why we've made sure our every Mac is in some way compatible with the most popular computing platform in the world! Now
can someone please explain to me the physics of phase difference in terms of sound localization by the brain / auditory system?
Terrorists? Why, stopping people from doing *that* would be like Big Brother, and we wouldn't want that.
"And the anti-spammers, I call them terrorists, were calling up my 84-year-old mother (leaving obscene messages)," said Mr. Balan, a former long-haul trucker now in his early 50s."
In short. You suck. You're the suckiest suck to ever suck suck. That is, until I read the next post. That's the wonderful thing about slashdot, always lowering the bar.